S: Who is This Guy?

Last night was interesting. It started innocently enough with a simple, friendly text…

On Thursdays I always spend the evening working on a weekly post I do for another blog. Guy knows I do this every Thursday, so, at about the time I am usually beginning, he sent a text wishing for me to have fun working on it.

Randomly. Out of the blue. He must have been missing me. Or lonely. Or horny.

Whatever. It was nice, but I was busy so I ignored it.

When I got done with a portion of it and went to start my workout, I replied that I always do have fun. In the meantime, he had sent me a video clearly shot on his phone, so I also asked what the video was.

A bit later, he responded that he was at a concert. What’s odd was that this show was at a place that he told me months ago he absolutely hated because of history with his ex and would never go to. This made me respond with surprise that he was there.

Here’s where the confusion, and/or appearance of multiple personalities, begins. He told me that he hadn’t wanted to stay home alone after reading my email, so he went to this place for this show. I said that the email must have been pretty bad to make him go there and I was sorry for that but that I didn’t understand how it could have been because he was the one who broke up with me.

A bit later, his next message was that I already have a date and he (Guy) sucks.

What??

Clearly beverages have been had.

Anyway, I replied to that with a terse “I can’t say I’m very comfortable talking about you picking up chicks and getting dates.” I just didn’t want to start some conversation about who is hot and can get dates with the guy I’m still in love with and who I don’t want to imagine with anyone else.

Now, what I did not do is let him off the hook thinking I had a date scheduled on Friday. Let him suffer just a bit more, yes? He doesn’t need to know that Mr. 21 never got back to me. He should still think I'm amazing enough to pick up a young dude not 2 days after he has dumped me. Because I am.

At this point he replied that I was the one with a date already and that he has no interest in dating someone else. Ok, am I supposed to feel bad now? That is so unfair. He’s the one who broke up with me. How mean is it for him to try to make me feel sorry for him not being able to move on?

Of course, I am WAY too nice. I’m trying not to be too nice to him, because it isn’t helping me at all, but it’s difficult to do. I’m not a mean-spirited person and this is someone I care about.

My response to his message was that I wasn’t interested in seeing anyone else either. (Which is true. This challenge is tough when you can’t muster up the desire to find a target and focus on it.) Then, because he knows about what we’re doing here and he knew I would be getting back in the game, I repeated that I had only accepted the date to fill the quota. I also said I was doing the challenge again as a distraction and a way of moving on.

And then, because I’m such a sucker…I told him that the date wasn’t going to happen. Mr. 21 had never contacted me again. I only wanted to let him off the hook so that when he did eventually find out there wouldn’t be any “Why did you let me continue to think you had a date when it so clearly bothered me?” conversation. I just can’t be cruel.

Then…this, which is one of these kinds of messages that just confuses the expletive out of me…the kinds of things he keeps saying that ALMOST make it sound like he feels like he made the wrong decision, but aren’t quite an explicit admission of that…

He said that it crushed him that I had moved on so quickly but that he had made his bed and now he has to sleep in it.

W…T…F?? Does that mean he’s not happy with what he’s done? Or maybe he was just indicating that he had finished his chores for the night and was going to sleep?

Seriously, if he thinks he’s done the right thing shouldn’t the message be along the lines of “It sucks but it’s the way it has to be”?

What’s with all the mixed signals? What does he want from me? Is he trying to get sympathy sex? Is he just trying to keep me tethered to him?

At this point, this is having the opposite effect. I’m getting rather frustrated and wanting to be further and further away. He’s playing with me. Not cool. Who is this guy? I’m not sure I can tell any more.

Again, I was too nice. I was trying to be matter-of-fact but I should have just shut him down or told him to leave me alone. I’m human. Part of me likes that he misses me and he’s feeling badly. He should. It’s validating. And part of me likes having blog material, so keep it coming. And part of me likes how good my workout is when he's pissing me off.

I reiterated that I had not moved on, as evidenced by the email that he had clearly read. And then asked what else I can do BUT move on? How else can I have a life? Then, I ran with his bed analogy (I like analogies) to illustrate for him that he still has a choice. I don’t understand what’s going on with him but that I am still willing, at this point, to help him make a different bed if he wants to.

He responded that he was confused.

(clearly)

I asked if he was confused about his thinking or mine. I was thinking that he was finally going to admit that he just wasn’t sure how he felt. But no, he said he was confused about my thinking “of course.”

Head slap.

My response to that was, “Well then we’re even because I can’t figure out where you’re at at all. I really have no idea what’s happening.” And then I sent another message explaining my analogy and simply telling him he still had a choice as far as I was concerned.

Although, truth be told, his window of opportunity is closing fast. Until the Guy I used to know shows back up, this Guy doesn’t have much of a chance.

His response to this “you still have a choice as far as I’m concerned” was to repeat that I was the one who already had a date scheduled and he couldn’t even THINK about dating anyone.

STOP SAYING THAT!

And then…here is where the hurt comes...he added this message. I’ve been trying to avoid quoting him directly, but paraphrasing will not do this justice…

And you are the one who supposedly loves me…HA. That’s a joke.

O-U-C-H

O.k. at this point I should have just told him to leave me alone. But, you know what, them’s fightin’ words. I was ticked and I wanted to have my say. How dare he call me a liar and try to boohoo to me when he’s the one who ended it and I’m just trying to do the healthy thing and move on? How dare he?

Again, I repeated that I did not have a date. And that the only reason I had the date was for the blog. He knows I don’t want to be with anyone else right now, I’ve said that numerous times. And then I told him that I don’t lie. Especially about these things.

(It’s hard to be honest about feelings in these situations and I have been very open with him when normally I’m rather protective and for him to accuse me of faking that…who-is-this-dude?)

Then I told him that I can’t sit in my house and pine away until I don’t love him anymore. That’s not how it works. If he doesn’t love me and he doesn’t want to be with me, what other choice do I have but to move on? (Honestly, a real answer would have been good…what other option does he think there is?)

His only response to this was a sad face.

Not cool. He does not get to be the sad one. So I replied to that with, “It’s not fair for me moving on to make you sad when you are the one who has rejected me.”

He said he missed me.

UGH! Are we even having the same conversation?!

My response: I know. But I guess we’ll just have to let time take that away.

He replied with an “ouch” and that he got my point and he wouldn’t bother me anymore.

I really should have left it at that, but I was tired and then suddenly felt bad for making him ouch (I’m so not good at being mean), so I told him I didn’t know why that would make him “ouch” and that I didn’t know what to say to him. I miss him too but there’s nothing I can do about it.

Finally he told me he would have preferred to have been hanging with me every night this week.

“Hanging”? Uh-huh.

The conversation ended with my: The thing that sucks about that is you don’t prefer it enough to still be in a relationship with me.

No reply.

And I don’t expect one. I’ve shot him down a few times now. I bet he disappears for a while. Which, when I’m in my right mind, is fine with me. In fact, whoever this new break-up Guy is, I hope he disappears forever. Guy From Last Spring is welcome back any time, if he still exists. It's entirely possible that he only lives in this blog now and that is truly what makes me sad.

Now…if only I had a date tonight. Dammit.