S: Question of the Day...Warning TMI

Stop reading if knowing about other people's sex lives bothers you. This is way TMI, but it's part of what I'm going through and needs to be shared.

The question that has been going through my head, especially now that it's been a few days (if you know what I mean...wink wink, nudge nudge) is how the Hell do you get past the best sex you've ever had?

How do you get past the anxiety that nobody else will ever measure up (wow, sorry for the poor choice of words)? That you will find someone great who turns out to be a dud in bed compared to Mr. Stallion.

This concerns me. I almost don't ever want to sleep with another person because Guy and I were so great together in that department. He always said I was fantastic, but I'm convinced that was because of him. He was amazing.

He always made me feel safe and sexy and capable of satisfying his needs. I had no fear of trying things. I had no self-consciousness. And I had many many many orgasms. He could go and go and go. And always made sure I was well taken care of.

Sure, it took us a little time to figure each other out. I had to learn that his "No" almost always meant "Yes." That I should never leave him unsatisfied, even if he insisted that he was fine. But it didn't take long to hit our stride. We were enough for each other almost immediately. And then, we learned what the other responded to, but never got in a rut. There were the things that always worked and then there were new and different things almost all the time. We both enjoyed finding new ways to get a reaction and we never felt like anything was taboo.

It was the most open and comfortable physical relationship I've ever had. I've always been kind of frightened by my sexuality and that disappeared with him very early on. I never felt ugly or dirty or ashamed. Sex was always about love and respect and making each other feel unbelievably great.

And now it's over. And I don't know if I will ever find his match. I mean, the guy knew what he was doing. I'm terrible at giving instructions and I was lucky that I rarely ever had to make suggestions with him.

How do I find this again? It's not something you can really ask about. It's not something you can identify prior to actually being intimate. What happens if I find someone I really care about and with whom I want to express my feelings physically and after the first time realize that he doesn't satisfy me very well in that way? How evil would it be to have sex once and then walk away because it wasn't very good? Conversely, how awful is it to go through life knowing you can be satisfied, but that the one who can do it doesn't want to be with you?

Maybe it's true that when you're in love with someone the sex is great because it means something on a deeper level. Maybe it's true that you can teach your partner how to satisfy you. Maybe it's true that sex just doesn't matter that much in the long run.

I can only hope.

At this point, my theory is that if I go without sex long enough, I will forget what it was like. So, I just won't sleep with anyone else until I've forgotten what it was like with Guy. This will work in 2 ways. 1. I won't remember how it was, so the next fellow won't have to worry about comparisons. 2. It will have been so long that just about anything will probably satisfy me.

Either way, whoever the next guy is, I hope he's out there practicing right now because the bar has been set pretty high. And fortunately, I'm flexible enough to reach it.