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Done.
Sunflower guy called back and we had our conversation and he was completely and totally cool about it.
“No pressure” he says. And, he’s still wanting to hang out as friends…which is what I really want too.
Especially as he’s such a really fantastic guy.
So…plans cancelled. Friendship established. Now it’s time to dig out some Saltines and Sprite and hopefully get some sleep.
Got all stressed out and worked up to make the call. Called.The call went to voice mail. Immediately. Left a message, saying I needed to cancel for today and asking him to call me back. Waiting for the call back is almost worse than making the call.Hopefully he'll get the message in time. But really...what more can I do?
I was up most of the night with a stomach bug…or something. Something...bad. Great way to start the holiday weekend, huh?
Today was supposed to be spent with Sunflower guy…out in this beautiful weather, on the lake. Today was also the day that I was planning on having ‘the conversation’ with him at some point.
Ya know the conversation I'm talking about…the fun “Really, I don't see us as being anything more than friends, long term”/"it's not you, it's me"/"you're a great guy, but..." conversation.
Yeah. It’s time.
But now…just the thought of being stranded in a boat all day, after the night I just had… Not. Gonna. Happen.
So, I’m getting ready to give the guy a call to cancel for today…and somehow (SOMEHOW) work the “let’s be friends” bit into the conversation and my stomach is in an even MORE precarious position now because it’s T-minus 15 minutes before I have to do this and it just sucks.
I must apologize profusely for not blogging the past month. I don't blame you if you forgot all about me by now! My life has been going in so many directions the past few months that I don't even know where to start. So I will summarize the craziness....
Since last blog i have traveled to other parts of the country - twice. One trip was to spend time with my late husband's entire family - parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, godparents, and a few friends. It was a bittersweet trip, but nice to be reminded that there are a lot of people who still consider me their family. And that felt good. I've always said, you can never get enough people in this world who love you.
Second big happening: I am in the process of buying a short sale condo! And all the emotions that go along with it. I have never bought a place on my own. It's intimidating to go to a closing table and sign all those papers by yourself. And liberating, to say the least. I love my new place and can't wait to enjoy almost double the amount of space I have now. I will finally have space to have a dining room table! Mid 30's, and haven't had a dining room table for the past 8 years. There should be some law about that one. No wonder my friends don't ever come over!
Third big happening, and one of the most tragic in my life: my little dog of 14 years suddenly died. Poor little thing had a tumor in his lung that suddenly burst, and he went quickly. This dog was like my child. He had seen me through some of the darkest hours of my life, and has put a smile on my face every single day. Still does. Just to think about him. He was my pal, my bestest friend, the one who kept the bed warm, the one who kept me safe. Just knowing he was in the house. Didn't matter that he couldn't hear very well, or that he was so friendly he would probably lick someone to death rather than harm them. I still felt safe in his presence. He greeted me at the door like I was the most awesome person on the face of the planet, and I made his day just by talking to him. He opened presents. He posed for pictures. He played hide and seek. He really liked it when it was his birthday. He hated other dogs and chased ducks and loved me like there was no tomorrow. He took care of me more than I will ever really know, and he is forever in my heart.
Fourth big happening: I fell in love with an amazing man. Just when I had really started to give up on this whole relationship thing, I met Mr. "AmIMrRight43" on match.com. I must say I was skeptical when I signed up for the match thing, and of course I had to weed through a LOT of guys who just post pictures of their biceps, but in the end it was all worth it. Lest you forget, read back through some of my March/April posts. Remember Pina Colada boy and faded navy shirt guy? Ahhhh, they only make the deal i found seem that much sweeter. :)
I, of course, am a realist. And while I feel crazy in love with this new guy (who is actually April Date #3), I am not letting myself get too much ahead, but rather, just enjoying the ride and taking it as it comes. I think that living in the now is something I've always needed to work on. For some reason I tend to stay stuck on the past, or anxious about the future, but something about this guy just gives me an inner contentment and I just want to enjoy the present. And boy am I enjoying it. It's been waaaay too long since I've felt this way about anyone. It's putting a smile on my face every day.
So now you're caught up on the craziness that has been my life the past few months. And the emotional roller coaster. And this has been more of a serious blog, rather than funny and entertaining - very non-Elle style.
So where does that leave me with finding Mr. May? I guess it leaves me owing the piggy bank. And that's just fine. Small potatoes compared to a mortgage, I guess!
Okay, now that there’s just a week left in the month, I better make a decision regarding whether my “Maybe Date” that happened earlier this month will officially count as my May date.
Here’s what happened…
Before I injured my foot, I was taking full advantage of my very first week of unlimited classes by attending 3-4 hours of classes, DAILY.
I found that I wasn’t the only one who was in my first month, doing the unlimited classes option, trying to get my full money’s worth. One of the people with the same mission was a guy who was in almost every single class with me. Of course, we noticed each other and started chatting between classes, getting each other’s opinion about the session we had just been in, flirting, getting to know each other a bit better and just joking around.
I also noticed that while we were in the classes, themselves, we gravitated towards each other, starting the class as partners almost every time…and that others were noticing that connection as well, to the point that they started treating us like we had even arrived for the classes together.
On the Sunday of that first week, after spending about 18 hours in classes together during the previous week, we had an hour break between classes. The guy asked me to go to lunch with him…just the two of us. We went to a local burger joint where he insisted on paying, opening the doors for me, and generally treating the meal like a date.
The other nice thing about getting away from the dance studio together was the opportunity to talk about more than the dance moves we had just learned. We finally had time to get to know each other better…which was nice.
So, my friends, does that meal together count as a date?
To help with the decision, I’ve brought in some of the original rules that were set up at the beginning of the challenge:
Rule #5: Members may solicit dates by any means necessary (yes, even Sadie Hawkins style), except for by telling them about Date Club, paying them off or clubbing a baby seal. Check…my date solicitation was through flirting. I didn’t mention Date club, no money exchanged hands and no baby seals were harmed in the acquisition of this dinner “date”.
Rule #6: A date with someone the member already knows can only qualify as an official Date Club date if the known person asked the member out and not vice versa. And as long as they aren’t somehow directly related or go by the name of Roman Polanski. Because…ick. Check…HE asked ME. Definitely.
Rule #7: There are no limitations on what type of activity counts as a “date.” But we shall endeavor to be proper ladies. Check…Activity=dinner. TOTALLY a date-ish activity.
Rule #8: To qualify as a “date,” the activity must be one-on-one. Group gatherings do not count as Date Club sanctioned dates. Being at a Lakers game at the same time as Jake Gyllenhal does not count as a date with Mr. Gyllenhal. (Trust me, I tried.) Check…This was absolutely one-on-one. There were plenty of other people taking the classes with that same 1 hr break that he could have asked to join us. That most definitely did not happen.
Rule #9: However, a date with someone a member meets in a group can qualify, as long as there is a separate activity and time arranged. So, if Jake introduces himself and asks one of us out…it better be me. Check…While we originally met in a group (as stated above), this was a separate activity.
Rule #10: A date must be at least 30 minutes long. Because, really, everyone deserves at least a half an hour to make an impression. Besides, as the saying goes, “once you’ve sprung for valet, you might as well stay.” Check…dinner took exactly an hour.
Rule #11: A date qualifies as a Date Club sanctioned date no matter who pays. But somebody SHOULD pay. Dining and dashing, while thrifty, is stealing and is not condoned by the Date Club. Check…and as I mentioned above, HE even paid!
Also, I should mention that a.) this ‘date’ happened within the month of May and b.) I’d never previously been out on a date with this specific guy.
Legally, according to the rules set out for this challenge, I’m in the clear. Technically, it’s a date.
So, why the “maybe date”? Why the doubt? Why even really question it?
Well…I think there are several reasons for my wishy-washyness regarding officially naming this guy “Mr. May”:
1.) I can’t really prove that he was asking me on a "date" vs. a friendly meal together. While I sensed an attraction and a connection, maybe he just extended the invitation because he didn’t want to go all alone, or he asked me just because I happened to be there. Not because he’s interested in me, in that way.
2.) The "date" wasn’t planned in advance. According to all the dating etiquette books I’ve read, women should never, never, never accept a last minute invitation. And a guy should never, never, never ask at the last minute. While I have some doubts regarding that “rule” (sometimes spontaneity is a good thing!) there IS something to be said for the date being intentionally planned in advance. But, really, then again, as we had only known each other a week, it would have felt a little odd if he would have said on Wednesday “Hey, girl that I just met and barely know…I’ve looked ahead on our schedule and noticed that we have an hour break on Sunday, would you be interested in catching a burger with me then?”
3.) I really was expecting that other guy to be my Mr. May. But after a couple of delays, it doesn’t look like it’s going to happen with him, this month.
4.) Finally, if I’m laying all of my cards on the table, I have to admit that I honestly expected this guy to be my "Mr. June". Even after just a week, I could sense interest from him and I could see our relationship growing in that direction. I really didn’t expect to be so forcibly removed from classes so soon, due to injury. I fully expected to spend a month getting to know him better and better and after the unlimited month ended and we had our evenings back, the natural next step would be to go out on an unquestionably preplanned date.
So, I guess that begs the question: If I could see the relationship growing in that direction, then where is that guy now? Wellll…really, I’m the one that has disappeared. I haven’t been back to the studio since the un-graceful sprawl across the floor that put me in a boot for a whole month. And believe it or not, that was one class that he wasn’t in, so he wasn’t even there to witness my foot’s demise. I’m sure he fully expected to see me at the next class…or the next or the next. But, all of a sudden, poof, I just disappeared off the face of the earth.
Prior to my injury, he never got my phone number…he didn’t need to, he knew where I’d be every night for the next month. (Or so he thought.) He didn’t get my email address…why would he email me when we would be talking in person every single night for the next month? (Or so he thought.) Basically, this guy has no way of contacting or finding me, unless he asks the owners of the studio, and even then, I doubt that they'd give him my personal information.
I haven’t admitted it until now, but this guy is just one more reason for the disappointment and frustration that my sprained foot has caused. It’s not just the frustration of not being able to dance, or run, or swim. It’s also that it feels like this potential relationship has been cut off, at the bud. Who knows if this guy will sign up for more classes. Who knows if he’ll still be there when I’m back on my feet. Who knows if I’ll ever see him again.
So, upon writing all of this down, I think I’ve finally made up my mind.
(Drumroll please…)
I am officially naming the guy from my unlimited dance classes: "Mr. May".
If I felt what I felt and he felt what I think he felt, our meal together qualifies as a date. And hopefully he’ll still be around when I’m able to get back to class, to find out if there’s anything more between us.
If you disagree with my decision, speak now, or forever hold your peace.
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