J: Being the Asker

OMG. It’s tax day. TAX DAY!

Really, I don’t care all that much that taxes are due. Mine are done and my return was spent months ago.

What I DO care about is that we’re officially half way through the month and I haven’t had my April date.

If it were just a case of waiting for the big day to arrive, that would be fine but I don’t even have anything in the works. Eek!

I did what I said I’d do and put out a few “feelers” to the girlfriends who have previously mentioned having single guy friends that they wanted to set me up with. (Okay, so there may have been a bit of begging & a whole lot of pride-swallowing also involved.) I’ve already heard back from two of them…apparently, I waited long enough that both of the aforementioned eligible bachelors are now in relationships. I’m just so very happy for them both. Yeah.

So…now what?

It’s looking like I’m going to have to resort to actually doing the asking. (Gasp!)

I do have a fellow in mind. He’s a friend of a friend. Super duper nice guy. Cute too and a bit silly. We’ve chatted a few times and have flirted a bit back and forth over facebook. In our flirty communications, we’ve really bonded over our favorite movie theater…so what better idea than to ask him if he wants to join me for a movie at that very same theater. Right?

But what if he has plans already?

What if he would rather wash his hair?

What if I actually get up the nerve to ask and he just doesn’t want to go…with me…?

Not only will my feelings be hurt, I could potentially end up without a April date. Aaaughh…I’m freaking out just a bit here! Even thinking about this, I’m so way, way, way far out of my comfort zone!

Maaaaan….maybe it’s not quite so easy to be a guy afterall…

E: Fantasy Flight

Doesn't every girl have someone they know who they consider to be their ultimate? I'm talking about some super sexy, melt your panties hunk of a guy, who you most likely know casually and is most usually unavailable or unattainable? Someone with whom you feel that chemical connection with so deep that you just sizzle inside? You know who I'm talking about. He's no one you could ever date, but he is that guy you see in your dreams once in a while, and who brings a smile to your face every time you think about him. Which isn't all the time (you aren't obsessing over him for heaven's sake), but just often enough. Well, my ultimate walked into my life last Thursday night and boy do I have a story to tell you.

Let's rewind a year, to how I first met this gorgeous human being. I was a passenger on a plane and he was the pilot. Granted, I do have a thing for pilots. I mean, there is just something super sexy about a man who can fly. They are solely in control of a multi-million dollar machine and the safety of hundreds of passengers. They travel around the world for their job (at top speed!), and they rock those uniforms. But my infatuation with this guy went beyond that. There was something in the way he talked and the way he smiled and flirted with me. We became Facebook friends, and that was about it. Then one day about 3 months later he contacted me to say he was going to be in the area and wondered if we could get together. I was beyond excited at the thought of him jetting here and spending the weekend with me. And that he did. We had so much fun! I took him out on the town, and we went dancing, hung out on the beach, listened to live music, enjoyed some margaritas. We even had some deep conversations, which left me with a major crush on this guy by the time he left.

But there's always a catch. (which is why I say these types are most usually unavailable/unattainable) He had told me he had a long-term girlfriend with whom he had just broken up. And come to find out a week later, from the girlfriend herself, he wasn't as broke up as he thought he was. She actually called me to let me know that, and was wanting my sympathy for the fact he was catting around behind her back. Well, the last thing I needed was to be in the middle of an obvious domestic dispute, so I backed off and didn't talk to him for a long time. She made it easier - crazy as she was, she hacked into his FB account and defriended me. She also erased my number from his phone.

Oh well, not that big of a deal to me. It's not like I ever thought of a future with this fly boy. But I never forgot him....and the time we had together.

Fast forward a few months and picture me, traveling alone in an airport on a short layover. Flying his airline, and wondering if the stars would align and by some crazy off-chance I would have the pleasure of bumping into him again. I had already decided that texting him to let him know I was there was not a good idea. But, as fate would have it, I happened to be in his terminal all of 10 minutes and during that time heard his name over the paging system. Was this some kind of sign? Did I hear that right? Was my mind playing tricks on me? I mean, what are the chances of that? Well, curiosity got the best of me (as it usually does) so I texted him to ask him if he was there in the airport. He called a few minutes later to find out who the heck had texted him (remember, crazy girlfriend deleted my number) and when he found out it was me he immediately asked where I was so he could meet me at the terminal. But, alas, by then I was already halfway across the airport and almost to board, so I missed seeing him. Important thing was, though, I re-established contact.

Since last summer we texted/talked casually maybe 2 or 3 times. And that was ok with me. He was in his rightful place in my mind as the unavailable ultimate hunk I'd love to see again.

So imagine my surprise when last Thursday, one incredibly ordinary day, out of the clear blue he calls me to let me know he would be in my town for the night, and wondered if I wanted to meet him and his flight attendant friends out at a club. Would I? Didn't have to think about that one twice. I met them all out at what should have been my bedtime, and we had a blast. It was so good to see him again. He was every bit as handsome as I remembered, gosh was he ever. We closed the clubs down, said goodnight to the flight attendants, and I gave him a hug as I was leaving. Somewhere along the line that hug turned into kisses, at which point I brought up the girlfriend. And as luck would have it, he told me he had just broke up with her (again) the day before. How convenient! Now I don't have gullible written on my forehead, I just didn't care. So I enjoyed the kisses to the full extent. Man did I enjoy them.

It was a brutal day at work the next day, as the morning consisted of non-stop coffee, and the afternoon non-stop diet coke. You'd think I would have been way too wired to crash on the couch after work. Not the case at all. Of course I woke up to his call later that evening. Something unbelievable had happened. As luck would have it, the flight attendants ended up on the same flight that day as his crazy ex? girlfriend (who is also a flight attendant). They were unaware the 2 of them were dating, and in casual conversation mentioned their escapades the night before with him, and one of his friends from the town they were staying in. Crazy ex-g figured out right away who he was visiting and went ballistic. He was calling to warn me that she was upset and he did not know what she was capable of. Just great.

The next day crazy girl texted me from his phone, acting like it was him. Then she called me and left a less-than-nice voicemail. I'm wondering how I didn't learn my lesson from the time before. Oh yeah, I remember, it was because he was my ultimate. And I don't mind if he stays in the unavailable status. But I wouldn't have changed a thing.

S: Bullet Journal

Here I was supposed to be posting more and treating this more like a journal and I've been more neglectful than ever it seems. Clearly I need a better system for regular posting. I'm thinking a USB adapter that plugs into my head so I can just upload posts when I think of them. Think of the time I'd save. Think of the interfacing we could do if we had USB ports through which to exchange thoughts purely without having to filter them through our own experiences, insecurities, self-editing and poor communication skills.

And then stop thinking about all of that because it sorta hurts the cranial contents.

Anyway, random Jack Handy-ness aside, in the interest of a brief bit of journaling, I'm going to bore you with bullet points again. It's the only way to get out what I've been wanting to share without feeling the pressure of an overly analyzed post. My hope is that it doesn't seem too impersonal. I apologize for the lack of structure. Consider it a buffet, rather than a planned out, 5 course meal.

1. I feel like my last post made Guy seem somewhat needy and possessive. I feel very bad about this. I don't want to show him in a negative light, because he most definitely is not needy. He was remorseful about our why-couldn't-we-get-together-sooner conversations, because he was mostly just in a missing me kind of mood. He knows I spend what time I can with him. As does he with me, really. He loves that I have my own life and doesn't want me to give things up for him, but still, he wants to spend as much time with me as possible. And, frankly, I feel the same way about him. He has way too much going on in his own world to be needy. And that is fine with me. He is important to me and I want to make him a priority in my life in order to reflect that importance, I'm just not quite sure how to make it all happen.

2.Speaking of needy...I think I'm beginning to be the needy one. Guy is going back home for the weekend for a family gathering, which leaves me a free bird for a few days. Now, normally, this would be something I would delight in. A weekend all to myself to do as I please. But not this time. Currently I am rather sad that I will not get to spend the usual amount of time with him. I have nothing really going on and will mostly fill the time with yard work I'm sure, but that won't keep me from missing him. I suppose I could opt to go with him, but I feel that it was too soon to go back with him and stay at his parents' place. I just think his mom may need more time to get used to the idea of me before I start inserting myself into their lives. Or maybe I'm just paranoid. Either way, I'm going to have to find distractions this weekend so I don't get too lonely and pathetic without my squeeze. This is so unlike me. Wish me luck.

3. I love how we have so much fun together. The other night we went to a show and spent the entire time giggling with each other over the gentleman behind us who snored through all the songs and then woke up in time to clap, only to fall right back asleep as soon as the next one started. We couldn't stop cracking up over the sound of this. Every time one of us would stop laughing, the other would get it started again. We laugh a lot together. Big laughing. Good core workout laughing. I hope we always find that kind of fun together.

4. One of my favorite things about our relationship is that we both think we are dating "up." You know how in a relationship between two people, it will seem like one of them could perhaps do better or is dating below themselves. I don't really like these kinds of generalizations because they are so mean (to at least one person), but we seem to have established that each of us thinks the other could do better. We both think we are dating "up" to someone who is out of our proverbial league. If there has to be this kind of sentiment, I'm glad this is where we are. It seems like the best way.

5. We started talking more about our different religious beliefs. This is going to be a tough one, I can tell you that right now. Probably one of the biggest hurdles we'll have to jump. I think we can get over it, but I'm not yet entirely sure how. I owe you a longer post, but wanted to get this out there because it is something that will be discussed again.

6. We're still waiting to exhale on the topic of the broken condom. There will hopefully be TMI to post very soon. Hopefully.

I think that covers the broad strokes. So many things bouncing around in my tiny head. I just had to get them out. Now for the real question...

So who's free on Saturday night?

J: When worlds collide

On Thursday I sent an email to my circle of single friends extending an invitation to join one of my Gal pals & I out dancing on Friday.

Yes, Dancing boy was on the list. I actually expected him to be there…Friday’s his normal night for dancing. I debated over whether to include him or not, but I figured it wouldn’t hurt to let him know a group of us were planning to be there. He never responded to my email.

At one point, Running boy had also expressed an interest in learning to dance so of course, he was on the list as well. He emailed me back that same day, letting me know that he would be there, but just for the lessons since he already had dinner plans.

And he actually showed up!

It was Running boy’s very first lesson so of course he was no match for Dancing boy’s years of experience. But he was there. He was learning. And after the lesson, he stuck around and we ended up getting into a really great discussion about the whole lead-follow/male-female/tension-response dynamic that is such an important element of a great dance partnership, and how closely it parallels real life.

As our conversation began to wind down I glanced over and noticed that Dancing boy had finally shown up and was chatting with my Gal pal. Running boy and Dancing boy apparently knew each other as well so we went over and the four of us played the “here’s how we all know each other” game. Interesting.

Running boy & my Gal pal started on a conversational tangent at which point Dancing boy swept me onto the dance floor. About half way though the song, Gal pal shouted to catch my attention & let me know that Running boy was leaving. I completely abandoned Dancing boy on the dance floor, ran over, gave Running boy a hug and told him I was glad that he came out and then flew back to Dancing boy’s waiting arms, to finish the song.

I felt a little awkward though for (a) interrupting a dance with one for a hug with the other and conversely (b) not saying a better goodbye and thanking & acknowledging Running boy for completely stepping out of his comfort zone to join the fun. But my wonderful gal pal says that I handled both situations just fine.

The rest of the night was a blast. I had made up my mind to wait for Dancing boy to ask me to dance (instead of asking him, as I often had done in the past.) And he did ask! Many times! And…not just that, he also texted me after he left.

We’ve already established that the Dancing one has intimacy issues. I’ve seen that he seems to be more interested in me the less that I’m interested in him. Maybe a little bit of jealousy did some good?

Maybe?

Maybe not. I’m still doing my best not to put any hopes on him. I know that my energy is much better spent, focused elsewhere.

And now, maybe Running boy has caught the dancing bug too. I promised to send him info on the next free classes. Mmm…another reason to keep those boots polished and ready to go.