S: Friend Perspective

The following came from the friend of mine who introduced me to Guy in response to 1. What is going on (I think he was just catching up with my posts) and 2. My activities last night.

Begin quoted (with permission) message:

WTF? Ignore the next paragraph [edited out] if you don't want to be harangued with my overly officious meddling.

If that is the whole story and you are still sleeping with him, you are setting a bad example for ME. I realize it is fun, but jesus get a grip. I think you two would be great together, but "I'll hit you up for a booty call even though I don't think what we are doing is acceptable" or "you're fun to nail, but I wouldn't want to date you" are not healthy lead-ins to a long term relationship, or even for not becoming a cutter. You can't leverage sex to cause him to rethink his version of morality. I don't want to live your life for you, but I think you are far too great to relegate yourself to being a hollaback girl. [Guy] needs to grow up. I think he has it in him. You agreeing to sleep with him under a friends with benefits relationship is certainly not going to increase his maturity and/or your respect for the fantastic person you are.

These were good words to hear and have helped me keep my perspective today.

I don't intend to maintain any kind of FWB relationship with Guy. I know how I am and I know how bad that would be for me. And I don't feel like a hollaback girl (although it does seem as though I was) because I was having my needs met as much as he was. I knew the score. I knew I wasn't going to change anything with my actions. I'm not leveraging the sex to make him see things differently. I do know better than that. I know what nonsense it is for him to break up with me because our relationship is a bad example to his son but then continue to be physical outside of ANY kind of commitment.

But beyond that, my friend is right, if Guy is going come to any kind of realization, it's not going to be while he's getting the milk for free. We all know I'm not holding out hope or stopping my life to wait for any realizations, but perhaps I should think twice before I become the deterrent to any realizations.

The thing I also needed to hear was that this kind of behavior is cause for a loss of respect. The respect of my friends, Guy and myself. This is helpful to keep in mind when trying to stay strong and move on.

It's good to have friends who have your back and who will tell it like it is. Jane had her misgivings but promised no "I told you so"s. And this friend straight up called me out. Both reactions were honest and appropriate. And very much appreciated.