Wednesday, December 8, 2010

S: Living in the Recent Past

I don't care what any of the calendars say...in Sheila's World, it is still very much November.

Mr. November, that is.

After two official dates and four extra-curricular get togethers, Mr. November is beginning to look a whole lot like trouble.

I want to move slowly, but definitely in a forward trajectory. I am rather curious about the potential of this guy. I'm really not sure how he got thrown back in the bin.

Nor am I sure where he is in that healing process. I am acutely aware of the danger of this situation.

And acutely excited about it.

But now we have reached the point when it's time to tell stories. We have plans every night this weekend. One of them really needs to involve some "ok, time to let the real shit out" talking. Time to find out where the cracks in the marble are.

And time to find out if I'm going to let the last month of this little experiment pass without trying to get a date. So far I don't care to communicate with another guy. None of them make me laugh like he does. None of them treat me with respect like he does. None of them have crushes on my cats like he does.

And none of them keep my hands warm and my face smiley.

Trouble, I tell you. Trouble.

Monday, December 6, 2010

J: This year, to save me from tears, I’ll give it to somebody special

Lately, I’ve been feeling all sorts of sorry for my single self.

It’s Christmas again, a YEAR after this experiment started and I’m still alone!

I’ve been seriously grumpy, disappointed, and dreading this entire month.


Ask around! Everyone will tell you that basically, I’ve been the definition of "Bah Humbug".

But, on Sunday I went to church and the pastor spoke directly to me. He said that you see what you focus your sights on. The perfect example that he gave was car shopping. Once you start thinking about the car that you want, all of a sudden there are thousands of that exact car (in the exact color you want) out on the road. They’re EVERYWHERE!

I realized that I’ve been focusing on the one big rejection I got this year, which has made me blind to the fact that acceptance is all around me.

I’m surrounded by it!

I haven’t missed a single month of this challenge. I got the vacation fling I hoped for. Mr. October would do anything to get a call back from me telling him that I wanted a relationship. Mr. November probably would too. The guy I met out dancing the other night would definitely have asked me out if I had given him even a half of a chance.

And all I see is rejection?

All I see is a holiday month ahead of me, filled with loneliness?

Not only do I have the potential for love (albeit with guys I’m not interested in), I’ve been overlooking the fact that I actually already have love.

I have people who love me. I have friends who truly want me to spend Christmas with them & their families. They want me there to share the season, their traditions, their joy. They truly care about me…whether I’m happy or sad…at my best or my worst…they LOVE me.

The way to make it through this Christmas is not to be sad and depressed that I’m all alone. The way to not only survive but also truly enjoy and appreciate this year’s holiday is to focus on the love that I already have around me instead of focusing on the lack of romantic “love” that promises big but never truly delivers.

Plus, I can focus on appreciating being single for another year, and the best benefit of all: no inlaws!!!