J: Unattainability

What is it about the unattainable ones that makes them just so damn attractive?

I was thrilled when dancing boy called me on Thursday to make sure that I would be out at my normal dancing haunt on Friday. His reason #2 for the call was apparently to reserve the first West Coast Swing of the night. (Happy, happy Jane!) So I got all prettied up and showed up to dance all excited about getting to see him. I was dancing with another guy when he arrived and then was swept away, by a couple other gents for a few more songs before I was able to make it back to him. However, once we started dancing, we kept on going through about 5-6 more songs. Aaaah…it was so lovely!

Once we were sweaty and exhausted and stumbling off the dance floor to grab a drink, another song came on and he said “hold on, I have to go grab someone for this dance” and took off towards a super cute, petite girl in possession of some true dancing skills. For practically the rest of the night the two of them were inseparable.

You'd all be proud of me. I didn’t pout, I didn’t complain, I didn’t cry. I carried on my own merry way, dancing up a storm with every single guy who asked. It was great, fun, really. But, the night would have been much more enjoyable had I not been monitoring his every dance from the corner of my eye.

And then to cap off my disappointment (surprise surprise) there was no text thanking me for the dances as there was last week. There was no follow up contact at all. And yes, several times in the wee hours of the morning, when I was supposed to be sleeping, I was up checking my phone…surely I missed it. Nope.

So, here’s what I don’t get: why, oh why can I not get over this guy?

I’ve been warned by a reliable friend. I’ve seen him flake out on plans that he’s committed to. I know that he’s someone who is 150% there one minute and then completely gone the next. And, I’ve experienced him giving me every indication that he was interested, only to be disappointed when he disappeared. Repeatedly!

Why would I even consider a relationship with someone with this type of track record? What the heck keeps pulling me back? I’ve been surrounded by men this month. Why can’t I let go of this one?

Is it just the fact that I can’t have what I want?

I’ve done this exact same thing in the past and I know the pattern—it’s one that I don’t like. A couple of years ago, I wasted about a year and a half of my precious time and heart space on the boy who eventually turned into my “bestest single guy friend”. The facts were simple: I wanted him. He didn’t want me. Okay…maybe he kinda wanted me but he didn’t want me enough. And he definitely didn't want me the way I wanted him to want me.

After over a year of meticulously dissecting our many conversations & emails and going out with him on the occasional “maybe date” he started dating someone completely & totally opposite of me in every way. Finally, I was able to knock him off the pedestal I had placed him on and give up on the hope of a relationship. We really were just too different, in completely different places with different dreams & hopes for our futures. It was only then that I got to a place where I could truly be ‘just friends’ with him without hoping for more. But, that was a long, looong time to spend in a constant state of want.

I don’t want to go through that again, but with this one, I feel myself leaning that way.
How do I stop these feelings & crazy behaviors before they get out of control? How do I stop the crush when I keep getting the occasional indication that the feelings might be returned after all?
According to Elle’s favorite book (He’s Just Not That into You) I’m doing it all wrong. If he’s into me, he’ll let me know. If he’s into me, he’ll ask me out. If he’s into me, he won’t spend all night dancing with another girl!

So, I’ll move on! I have at least 10 more guys to go out with before the year is over. I think that I’m even gonna take the 8-minute date ‘friend’ up on his offer of a lunch date on Monday. It won’t count towards my monthly quota, but it can’t hurt either, right? Plus, who knows…there may be an entire untapped well of ‘interesting’ in this guy.

And maybe, in the meantime, I’ll work on figuring out how to harness some unattainability of my own and direct it right back at dancing boy, himself.

S: Snagging Mr. February - upDATE

Not much to report really, except that after a few e-type messages exchanged with Eligible Bachelor, I was presented with digits tonight. For the purposes of texting while out and about.

This one is fun. It's going nice and slow. Kind of a challenge. I'm having to work the magic a little bit. Getting some exercise.

There is waiting and wondering and getting excited when a new message arrives and laughing at the responses to my inane blither.

This is the fun of meeting someone new. This is what it's all about.

And yet...the 28th looms. 16 more days.

Will I have to do the asking?

E: Ladies Night

So I've recently decided that Thursdays are the best nights to go out on the town. I've never been one to go out on a school night. My perception was that most establishments boasting "Ladies Night" don't pick up until 10:30 or 11:00 pm anyway, and that's just way too late for me. Besides, any person I'd meet out at 11 pm on a school night most likely still IS in school, or at least has a job that does not require him to be up and coherent at 7 a.m.

However, I am finding that the fun can begin way before 11 pm! Take last Thursday, for example. I went to a Chamber networking function with a co-worker after work. We mingled and had a couple drinks and by 7 pm were ready to go. Normally I would just go home, but we got a wild hair and decided to just start bar hopping and see what happened! Our first stop was a target-rich environment - a virtual indoor golf facility. Aside from the bartender, we were the only girls in the joint. Score! I was still feeling like a social butterfly (after Chamber networking, and all) so we walked in a room where 5 guys were drinking beer and playing golf. Didn't have to turn up the charm much at all before we were invited to join the game. Now, the only golf I play is mini, so you can only guess what my swing looked like. Didn't matter. They were lovin us! The leader of the group is a semi-pro golfer, who was tall, with a head full of hair and all of 25. He took a liking to me and wanted to catch up with us after the game. Because we weren't staying - tonight was all about the hopping!

Our next place is one of my new favorites. Just the right mix of people and dynamite live music. We walked in there and sat at the bar and were promptly given a raffle ticket. Ladies only raffle. 5 minutes later my friend won a $25 gift card! From there it was on to the next place, where ladies drink free. Now this was the place that you have to wait until 11 pm to see some action. And it was only 10:15. UGH. No way.

Fast forward a week to yesterday (Thursday). My same co-worker and I attended another networking event and ended up leaving to check out the virtual golf place again. We thought our new friends might be playing. No dice. Just some real young ones, and some guy at the bar with nerdy glasses that kept staring at us. So we went back to the first place, and low and behold walked right past the semi-pro golfer and his instructor! Of course we exchanged Hellos! and hugs, like we've known them all our life. And joined them for a drink. Before we left the golfer wanted to get my phone number so the 4 of us could go out. He was leaving for a tournament in another state, but would be back, he thought March 1st. He put his number into my phone and even scheduled the date on my Blackberry calendar. And while this does not qualify as a true Date Club date, (see rule #8), it is fun to see my calendar start filling up for March!

Of course this morning, my co-worker and I both felt like ass. That's what happens when you drink beer and stay out late on a school night.

E: Oh, Mr. February...

I'm a slacker. I admit it. Jane and Sheila post 5 times more often than me. But that doesn't mean life has been boring lately! In fact, quite the opposite. Let me start by telling you that I've lost 10 pounds since the beginning of the year! Needed to be done to fit back into my sexy dating clothes. A lot of that can be attributed to not sitting at the computer late at night eating M&Ms. I am eating cookies right now though, but they are Nutrisystem, which is cardboard, really. No harm in that.

Anyway, you probably remember my last minute scramble to find Mr. January. The date happened on 1/29, and the knot in my stomach started to form around day 18 as I quickly realized that finding a date is much harder than it should be. I was determined not to find myself in that predicament in February. After all, February is a short month to begin with.

So imagine my delight when the same friend who set me up with Mr. January emailed me on 2/3 to tell me about another prospect. Score! Her only concern was wanting to know up front what my political party affiliation was. WTF? Why does that matter? So I answered her, and low and behold, the stars were aligned that day, and whew, it was the same as his. (It must have been meant to be.) This aspiring politician called me the next day to set up plans to go out on Saturday night. Unbelievable! I had a date 2 weekends in a row. A first for Elle in quite some time, I must say.

Unlike Mr. January who called because he was going to be over an hour late, my February texted to see if he could be 15 minutes early. Yikes! I'm never ready early for a date, with all of the last minute outfit changes and whatnot. I casually texted back "Gimme 5". When he arrived my heart got kinda fluttery. Damn, he was hot. From his button down shirt that had his initials stitched on the cuff, to some kind of American symbol cuff links, to his jeans and Italian leather shoes, this man looked sharp. We drove to a nearby restaurant and much to his dismay the wait time was 1 1/2 hours. Now that doesn't really bother me on a date, because i like to sit at the bar and chat over drinks before dinner anyway. But he wasn't having it. Ok, so we went to the next restaurant where the wait was 45 minutes. Bingo. It seemed to calm him down a bit. We had an enjoyable conversation and come to find out this guy has done some incredible things in his young life. I thought I had stories, but nothing like this guy! The problem was, most of the conversation centered around him. He really didn't go out of his way to ask much about me. Which was hard for me to handle. I never felt like our conversation was that engaging, and I couldn't shake the fact that although I was super attracted to him, something between us just didn't quite click.

Much to my surprise, after dinner we went out to his car and he asked me where else I would like to go. I suggested we go to a local pub for a drink, to which he replied that he has to be mindful of where he is seen in public. So he suggested we go back to my place. Oh no, I wasn't expecting to have anyone over...crap! I quickly went through my mental checklist: was my laundry that was air drying (undies) put away? Did I have any sort of non-girlie alcohol in the house besides Wild Grape Smirnoff Ice? Do I have any snacks other than Nutrisystem cardboard chocolate walnut cookies? Do I have any interesting movies that are not chick flicks or my sister's wedding video? No.... But wait! I have video on demand, and we can always order a movie.

"Sure, let's hang out at my place." Which we did for a couple hours. Only to find out that my video on demand was not working (found out later it was an area outage.) And I did not have his drink of choice (iced tea). So we sat on the couch drinking bottled water flipping through stations and finally settling on watching the Matrix. Only it was the sequel, and it was half over, and I hadn't even understood the first one, but oh well, I am on the couch cuddling with super cutie. Life is good.

Fast forward 2 days, and he calls and wants to see me again. Because of his super busy schedule, he has time to stop by my house on the way home from a work function about 8:45 p.m. Oh great, another date at my place. With the tv. And video on demand not working. And what do I wear? Do I try to dress up and look cute, like on a real date? Or do I have lounge pants on, because, face it, I had just got home from the gym and that's really more comfortable for a date on the couch. And damn it, Monday nights are The Bachelor, and it's hometown dates tonight... I agreed, but felt a little uncomfortable because I felt like a second date should involve going out on an actual date, not just the remants of what's left of a Monday. And I wanted to have some engaging dialogue and get to know more about each other. And see if we really could have a connection on some emotional level. Guess that's what i get for being a girl! Anyway, all he wanted to do was snuggle on the couch and watch tv again. I started to get annoyed, and during commercials would try to make small talk. But he wasn't really biting. In fact, I think it was kind of annoying him.

All in all, it just wasn't meant to be. Too much trying too hard. But I'm not heartbroken in the least. Well, I might be when he becomes President some day, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there!

P.S. I must share with you that one of my recently divorced friends and I made a pact the end of January to be on Match.com by Valentine's day. That's 5 days away. How much you want to bet Match sees a flurry of new activity around this particular holiday? Yes, i do believe I'm looking forward to Mr. March!

S: Snagging Mr. February

Just a quickie for you, Dateketeers. As if. We all know this will go on for paragraphs and paragraphs and never say anything.

No. Not this time. I’ll make like a pair of undies and be brief.

As promised by my wingman, I received a message from Eligible Bachelor, my prospect from the party. It was a concise note (perhaps a little bit of “opposites attract” action working here, yes?) to say he was glad to have met me and he hoped I didn’t mind him contacting me. There was some other stuff implying a polite concern for my well being, but no push for us to get together.

Which was perfect.

He went through the effort of finding me and sending a note. This shows a certain level of interest. But it wasn’t a pushy note, so it didn't feel needy or desperate. It was just the right amount of an indication that maybe he hoped the party was not the last time he would ever communicate with me. More so than an invitation to tailgate in 9 months, anyway. Score points for him. That was a good move. And it was rewarded (or punished…I guess we’ll see how he takes it) with a charming, albeit slightly longer, reply from me.

I responded to some of the things he mentioned, and then, as a way of giving him an opportunity to further our exchange (hopefully without seeming desperate), I made casual mention of a few of the things we have in common. This was my way of eliciting a response without asking the same old questions we always ask when we don’t know someone but would like to. We’ll see if it works.

We’ll see if I have what it takes to get a Mr. February on the books without having to do the asking out myself.

Of course, what do you want to bet there’s an update on the 25^th in which I detail my begging for a date on the 28^th? Oh yeah, I’ll wait until the last minute. I am fully prepared to procrastiDate. Just watch me.

J: When it rains...

Oh my goodness.

Something new is happening to me.

This has never happened before...at least, not to me.

It appears it may be actually...raining men. (Okay, if not rain, I say this at least qualifies as mist!)

Shall I list the contact that I've had since Friday? Okay, here we go....

Suitor #1 (Mr. February): Lunch date on Friday. Tells me to call him if I want to hang out again.

Suitor #2 (Dancing guy): Texts me with a big 'ol "Thank you for the dances" that makes my heart melt and my face smile.

Suitor #3 (8-min guy who I already knew from dancing-not the same person as "Dancing guy"): Somehow found me on facebook. Not sure how...makes me a bit nervous

Suitor #4 & #5 (the two guys from 8 min dating that I was actually interested in): Entered my matches...lo and behold, they BOTH selected me for a 2nd date! (Yaay!)

Suitor #6 (U2 fan): Since I said I'd be his friend, the 8 minute people sent ALL my contact info to him. He sends me an email inviting me out to see a cover U2 band with him that night, offering it as another opportunity to make out with Bono. (Aaah...sweet boy knows the way into my heart.)

Suitor #4: Friends me on facebook. Has my full name since the 8 minute people sent it to him.

Suitor #7 (random beautiful single guy at church): After chatting for a bit he asks me for my email address. I give it to him. Most likely it's for the reason he gives...he wants to get more info about my running group. But I'm going to (wishfully thinking) count him on this list because he is: Just. So. Beautiful!

Suitor #8 (another 8-min 'friend'): Has my phone number since, again, the 8 minute people sent it to him. Calls me. (I didn't answer) Doesn't leave a message.

Suitor #4: Sends me an email. (I did accept his FB friend request after all!) Apparently he has a pretty major surgery tomorrow...hmm...unfortunate for him but not terrible news for me as this might possibly qualify him to be Mr. March???

Suitor #8: Texts me to tell me that his phone battery ran out

Suitor #8: (3 hrs later) calls me again. I didn't answer. Again. I said I wanted to be friends with this guy! I don't get it, why all the calls??

Suitor #8: Message went something like "So...I saw that we had a match, wanted to see how you were doing blah blah blah call me back."

And it's just Tuesday morning!

I've been a bit intimidated that all these almost-strangers have all this information about me. Especially the speed dating ones where I was being kind by marking them as 'just friends'.

So, big lesson learned here...if not actually interested in the boys, don't say that you're interested in friendship! As we're learning from Sheila, boys seem to struggle with understanding the difference between friendship and relationship.

So...it's raining down South...could someone pass me an umbrella, please?

S: The "F" Word - upDATE

This just in. I put on my big girl shoes and went out with my friend from the previous “F” Word post the other night. Just the two of us and a few delicious beverages. 5 hours of good conversation, with about 10 minutes of awkward conversation sandwiched in the middle.

Yes…we had “the talk.”

In a nutshell (because I’m a nut and that’s where I belong), I told him we couldn’t date. Since we are in the same group of friends, several of whom have been his friends a lot longer than they’ve been my friends, I didn’t want to risk a falling out. I just can’t lose his friendship or the friendships I have with everyone else. They are all too important to me. I also let him know that I’m not in a place in my life where I want to start up a relationship with someone. I want to date and if I were going to go so far as to take our friendship to another level, I wouldn’t want to just “date” him for the sake of going out with someone. (Which, as you know, is why I have not considered my time with him as Date Club qualifying time.)

Again, my feeling is that if I’m going to date a friend, it’s going to be because there is no other option for our relationship. It will not be a casual, pastime thing.

It was a difficult conversation to start. It took me about 3 hours, a martini and a bloody mary to get to it. But finally, as we were on our way to our second watering hole of the evening, I just blurted it out. And there it was…in the open. He said he was totally ok with it and actually appreciated that I brought it up and we could talk about it, as opposed to just getting all weird about stuff.

Score points for maturity I guess. Who knew? I’m mature. I have no idea how or when that happened, but there ya’ go. And now I’ve set the bar a little higher, which means I’ll have to continue to be mature. (Although, I’m not sure I can do that since every time I see the word “mature” here I think it says “manure” and then I snicker at how I keep referring to myself as animal dung.)

Anyway, the conversation went rather well and then we moved on with our evening with no weirdness whatsoever. To be perfectly honest, we had a fantastic time. I’m a bit disappointed in myself that I don’t want more with him. He’s cute and sweet and funny and I love spending time with him. But there’s no spark. I don’t know why. Most likely my flint striker is malfunctioning in some way.

But, whatever the issue is, for me there has to be a spark. I want the spark. I miss the spark. I’m not going to muck up a friendship without the spark.

I couldn’t be more relieved to have “the talk” out of the way unless it had also included getting my taxes completed and filed. And I really feel like we are better friends for it. There aren’t any elephants stinking up our room and I believe we both gained new levels of respect for each other. And that’s the best I could hope for.

Boyfriends will come and go. Surrounding myself with people I can love and respect for the long haul is far more important than adding notches to my lipstick case.

(Which is easy for me to say with 20 days still left in February. Talk to me in two weeks and I bet I sing a different tune.)

S: Sporting Chance - upDATE Part Deux

Well, Dateketeers, the evening did not turn out as expected. For one thing, I only made it to one of the parties I was supposed to attend. I was just having so much fun that time flew by too fast and I didn’t want to leave.

Besides, Eligible Bachelor didn’t show up until almost halftime. What’s a girl to do? Stay and be fabulous, of course.

As I mentioned before, I had decided to go to the party with the better date chances first. I got there just at kickoff and found that there were quite a few people there who I knew, so already the evening started off great.

However, when I arrived, there were no eligible bachelors in the vicinity (other than the guys I already knew). Trust me…I checked. But that was fine because there were also no cute guys in the vicinity and if any of them had been the aforementioned “undatable” my friend suggested, I would have had to question his taste in men. Which I guess he would not have minded, being 15 shades of hetero and all.

Despite there being no prospects in attendance, the party was a marvelous time and I was glad I had chosen to start there. This particular friend has fantastic taste in all things beverage, so the wine was very good. The conversations were engaging and the food selection was delectable. And then my pal shared some amazing Scotch with me, so even if the rest of the night was a bust, I could not have complained.

But wait! Just before halftime, when I was going to head to the next party, enter Eligible Bachelor. Nice looking Eligible Bachelor at that. I noted his arrival, but wanted to remain cool and occupied. This was easy because he knew some people there, so was immediately involved in several conversations. I was able to keep my distance and plan how I would get into a group with him. Thankfully, my friend was all kinds of on it. I could tell from some sneaky eye contact with my buddy that the new arrival was indeed the guy I was supposed to meet and I knew he would make it happen. Even superfoxes need a wingman.

I did my best to have lively chats with other people in the area so I would seem friendly and fun. I am very skilled at making everything look like it’s the most fun ever. And then my pal nonchalantly made his way over and eventually we were able to merge our conversations and BAM, I’m chatting with E.B. Who, managed to pretty much stick around for the rest of the evening, I might add. We had other conversations, but it seemed like we kept ending up in the same groups and talking to each other.

Excellent (she says, tapping the tips of her fingers together). My plan is working.

He seemed like a genuinely sweet guy and was very easy to talk to. Despite the fact that I feel like we aren’t really each other’s type, we did have some things in common (including being fans of the same college football team and a love of candy). These are things that I should be able to use to my advantage if I end up in touch with him in the future. They are being noted in his permanent file.

We ended up leaving the party at the same time (I have coordinated exits like this in the past. It is an excellent way for getting that last few minutes alone with a guy to leave a good impression. Works every time.), and as fate would have it, our cars were parked near each other. We chatted a bit at the cars and then he helped me brush the snow off mine before I left. See…I told you he was sweet.

As we were saying our “it was nice to meet you…take care” stuff, he suggested that I come out and tailgate with him and his crew during the next football season.

Oh (cue the sad trombone). And here I thought it was going well.

But no. “Nice to meet you, I’d sure like to see you again in, say, 9 months or so.”

Let’s not move too fast or anything.

O.k., that's fine. It's all good. Stay in it, Yosemite. There's still gold in these parts.

There wasn’t much for me to do at that point but say that that sounded like fun and good night and then make my way home. And that's what I did. But, I didn’t figure that all was lost, it just seemed that now I would have to enlist my buddy to do a little prompting. It’s good when you have a wingman willing to nudge gently. Hopefully he would be able to help seal the deal for me.

Then, on my way home, my pal texted me to say that E.B. had asked if I was single and he suggested that he friend me on Facebook. Score! This made me feel much better. He had actually asked about me. Unsolicited. (Well, if you can call me flirting my tail off “unsolicited.”)

This is a very good sign.

Let’s just hope he doesn’t pansy around for too long and gets this Facebook thing going. February is tick-tocking away. And I’m all out of sports parties.

S: Sporting Chance - upDATE

Today is Super Bowl Sunday. In just moments I am heading out the door. I have two parties to go to. And, as you know, as part of my get-a-February-guy strategy, I have had to determine which is my best option for meeting potential dates.

This is weird.

I do not choose social activities based on whether or not I’ll be able to find a date at them. And I never walk out the door thinking, “Gee I really hope I can pick up a guy.”

Ever.

Earlier this week, I stooped so low as to grill my friend who is hosting the party where I think I may have prospects (Yes, I’m a prospector now...say hello to Yosemite Sheila) about who he thought would be there and whether or not it would behoove me to show up. No lie.

I don’t even know me any more.

He said there may be two guys there for me to consider. Although, his wife says there’s a reason both of these guys are single and that he would never have fixed me up with them normally and he takes no responsibility for them and makes no guarantees as to their fitness for dating, but since I’m so desperate for a date this month, he will offer them up as possibilities. He will not vouch for them as decent fellows for a girl to date, though he loves them dearly as friends. This is what I’ve come to.

Heavens to Mergatroid! Is that what I’ve become? Desperate? Sadface!

Desperate never gets dates. I must cover the stench. And fast. Where’s the Febreeze?

But I MUST find a February. My sisters in dating have both already had their February dates and I still have no possibilities on the horizon.

So, my pal said he would call me if they showed so I could leave the other party (where I will get to hang with old buddies, but likely not find any date options) and come over and meet them.

“Quick! Come over! There are boys here!”

O…M…G…this challenge is going to be the end of me.

At this point, I have decided to start at the prospecting party. Get the Yosemite Sheila stuff out of the way. I know that one of the “undatables” has RSVP’d, so hopefully he’s there in the beginning and I can get my flirt on and see if there’s anything there. Then I can move on to the other party and catch up with the friends I haven’t seen in a while and try to regain my self-respect (and, more importantly, partake of some much needed, delicious, home-brewed beer). The good news is that starting with the prospecting will create the perfect opportunity for “I’d love to continue this conversation, but I really have to go. Wanna get together for coffee or a drink sometime?”

I hope.

Because if this doesn’t work…I don’t know what I’ll do. Probably walk around downtown wearing a sandwich board that says, “I’m Sheila and I need a date. I promise not to spill on you.”

Wish me luck!

J: Speed date update

Yesterday I entered my match selections and got some good news. The two guys I chose for a 2nd date, also chose me! Wahoo! And the ones that I chose as friends, also selected me as a friend. (Granted, they might have also chosen 2nd date, but I’ll never know that, will I?) Whew!

Now, what comes next? It’s just the 7th of February…if I really want to ONLY go out on 12 dates this year, and if one of the boys happens to log back in and if he see that I chose him too and then IF he contacts me tomorrow that’s 20 days of pretending to be busy in order to put off a date until a “more convenient time…gosh, looks like my calendar is busy until…let’s see…umm…March 1st is open, does that work for you?”

I really don’t think I want to do that. Doesn’t that go against the spirit of the challenge? Isn’t it about meeting people and having a good time, not about gaming the system?

So, I think I’ll wait a week or two and if I don’t hear anything, I’ll reach out to each of them and see if there’s actually a mutual interest there.

While the blind date has been a beautiful thing in the amount of effort that I have to put out in order to make each date actually happen, it feels kind of good to have the prospect of a non-blind date. The mean, insecure voice inside me was beginning to whisper that I should be getting worried that the only dates I could get were blind ones. “Why can’t you find a date of your own Jane? Hmmm? Do they see you and run?" Oy…sucker punch to the ego! That kind of talk makes it hard to maintain the "superfox" mentality that Sheila always encourages.

So, maybe a non-blind date for March? Or, maybe two dates (or even THREE) in February? Who knows! That’s the beauty of all of this…anything can happen!

J: February...CHECK!

Finally, finally, finally, my date with the new Mr. February happened! It was nearly a month after our original plans, but better late than never.

We met over lunch on Friday. He was, as promised, above average good looking. Lunch was lovely, really, it was. But, again, in a replay of my January date, I left it feeling lukewarm. The guy was super nice but this was also his first date after his divorce and I could tell that this was a new and scary experience for him. He said as much, as a matter of fact. It’s not that I don’t have sympathy for where he is…I do! I’ve been there too, it’s not easy. But I really think he was doing what I used to do by putting way too much importance on the date. Wow, that’s pressure! No wonder I freaked out the boys I went out with.

I tried to explain this to the friend who set us up but I don’t think I did a good job of it. Her response was “but you want a serious relationship too.” Yes, I absolutely do, but since this experiment my perspective has changed a bit. I’m no longer as willing to rationalize and justify and make excuses to force each guy into the perfect box of my expectations, in my mind. The difference now is that I realize that there are actually other men out there. If the fit isn’t perfect, it isn’t a fault of either of ours. This guy will not be the last one to ever ask me out. This is not my last chance at love.

I want to make sure that I say at this point, that when I go on a date where I’m totally into the guy, I won’t hesitate to further the relationship for the sake of this challenge. Despite the sisterhood that I feel towards my Date Club ladies, I’m not planning on turning down my chance at a real relationship for the challenge. I would hope that they would do the same.

Here’s the real problem. I went dancing on Friday and my dancin’ friend was there (ya know…the one I’ve been crushing on). We danced several great dances together and I kept my distance like a good girl and after I left, he texted me thanking me for the dances. My heart soared and I couldn’t stop smiling. One text did that! Is it wrong to want that from a potential relationship? Is it wrong to want to feel all sparkly and charming, to laugh and have that intense eye contact and feel that chemistry?

The thing with February is, just because the sparks didn’t fly the first time it doesn’t necessarily mean that feelings that won’t grow in time. And I’m willing to see if that happens. With January, I said that I’d go out with him again, if he’d ask. I’m saying it again. But this time, I think that there’s a greater possibility of a connection. After we left lunch, I gave him a hug and was (obviously) the first one to let go. He told me that I was welcome to call him at any time if I wanted to hang out. I responded that I would enjoy that and said that he could contact me as well. I won’t actually be the one to call. I still think that’s his place at this point. It will be interesting to see what happens.