J: Mr. July

Yay! I had my July date and just in time!

The date was actually really nice. The conversation flowed and he was a really friendly guy. However, since I knew that he knew that he was there to help me meet a quota, it felt a bit like a sympathy date. Plus, there wasn’t a lot of spark there for either one of us. But even IF there had been a loooove connection, that relationship would be difficult to maintain since he’s moving several states away in a little over a month. And long distance has proven in the past not to work…at least not for me.

But despite the lack of za-za-zoom, Mr. July and I ended up spending a couple of hours together…and really we ended up getting to know each other pretty well. I think that without the expectations of “happily ever after maybe” we were free to really dive into some deep stuff and share our real feelings and unedited opinions without the caution that comes from hoping you don’t say anything that would keep you from being everything that you think that they are hoping to see.

Did that last sentence make sense? I’ve reread it and I don’t think it does. But I can’t think of a way to edit it to say what I was trying to say.

Let me try again…

I think the easiest way to express my point is to use an example of some dating advice I once read about how you should “keep the crazy in a box”. You know…I’m talking about the advice to girls to do your best to keep the nutzo parts of yourself to yourself…at least until he’s so into you that when a little bit of crazy slips out he doesn’t go running for the hills.

But for me, with Mr. July, closing the box wasn’t even a consideration. I could let my crazy out and be accepted or not. Either way it was okay.

Why not go into every date with that mentality…with more openness and honesty from the beginning ?

My crazy box is pretty big. And a lot of what is in there is part of who I am. Shouldn’t I find someone who loves the crazy too? Wouldn’t you more quickly and more wisely be able to determine if you’re actually compatible vs. pretending like you’re compatible in the hopes of getting another date to PROVE your compatibility or to allow time for the compatibility (that doesn’t really exist) to suddenly appear.

But isn’t that also an awful lot to ask of a stranger? Where’s that line between complete honesty and scaring the poor boy away with a little TMI?

If you can’t go into the date with the crazy box wide open, lid flapping around in the breeze, than maybe it makes sense to have a few holes poked in the side of the box to let some of the crazy ooze out. After all, if the relationship actually goes anywhere, he’s bound to discover it anyways…right?

Wow. I was so not planning for this post to go in this direction. I guess that’s what happens after a couple of glasses of wine and too many days with not enough sleep.

I guess…in summary:

• July date was good
• No second date expected (and that’s perfectly okay)
• My eyes are intensely peeled for Mr. August
• Won’t be waiting until the last minute this time (Hopefully OKCupid will assist in that area!)

And that crazy box...it's still open for discussion.

S: Question For You

So, I'm thinking of sending Guy excerpts from some of the early posts about our relationship. I like how exciting and surprising everything was at the time and I think the things I felt then would be flattering to him. As well as remind him what it was like in his world at the time.

Sort of love letters 2.0.

What do you think? Should I give him a little glimpse (just in a document, not by linking him to the actual blog) or would letting him read my "diary" prove detrimental?

J: I HAVE A DATE!!!

I just now logged off facebook an hour and a half after I was supposed to be in bed. But I just couldn't stop flirting with a fun new friend and I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep until I told you all about it!

A girlfriend who's known about the 1-date-a-month thing (but not about this blog) asked me how my July was going...and who my Mr. July had been. I started moaning and groaning about how I hadn't been able to find anyone and how there were only a few days left to the month, and how I was never going to make my deadline and how I felt like such a looooooooser, etc, etc, etc.

Turns out...the reason she asked was because she had a guy in mind for me and with my permission, she passed on my name and cell number to him. Unbeknownst to me, she also passed on the little piece of information that I had a quota to meet, and that he must take me out by midnight on Saturday!

Believe it or not, the guy, apparently, was thrilled by the idea. He loved the idea of a casual pressure-free date and was excited that there was the title of "Mr. July" that was his to claim.

So, he friended me on facebook and when we happened to be online at the same time tonight we engaged in some serious flirting via chat and ended up setting a date for Thursday night, 10pm. Typically, that would be a bit late for me but I was going to be busy until 9:30 myself...and heck, it's a date...with someone fun...and cute...and not named after an arachnid. Why not stay up an extra hour or two. Sleep's overrated, anyhow...

Mr. July is still in his (late) 20's so this will be my very first date with someone younger than me...but this guy seems to really have a good head on his shoulders. In this one interaction, I found him to be fun and witty and charming and he made me feel like I was fun and witty and charming too.

Very nice!

No need to fear, I am fully aware of the perils of dating younger men, but I'm willing to give this one a chance.

After all...IT'S A DATE! IN JULY! Hooooray!!!

(Oooh...and this one also has a friend who already wants to be Mr. August!) Yesssssss!!!

S: I Owe You

I owe you the results of my situation with Guy last week. Things happened and then suddenly I found myself without time to write.

The long and the short of it is that we are still together. It was touch and go, but we decided it was worth working on. There is more to tell, and since he's out of town all week and I'm missing him and trying to fill my time, I'll be able to fill you in on some of the details soon.

I do appreciate your support. Your comments mean a lot to me. As we all know, there are two sides to everything and you only get an insight into mine, so sometimes I feel like Guy gets a bad rap. Also, you get to hear about the drama because the in between fantastic stuff is not as interesting, so I don't write about it as much. Things probably sound worse here than they are in reality, but knowing there is a perspective in which I'm not entirely wrong does help.

With all the rocky terrain we've been traversing, I have felt the urge to look back at the early posts and remember how this all got started. This has given me renewed appreciation for Guy, as well as a greater appreciation for this blog. It's fun to have a journal of our relationship. To be able to go back in time to those first weeks together and relive those electric moments.

Here are few posts to help you understand why I'm so willing to work at this:

Mr. Every Day In February

Spinster License Revoked

Mr. February Earns a Name

There are more, and I'll leave you to comb through the archive at will. Conversely, there is a record of some of the early bumps we hit, which shed more light on our recent rockiness. Including some things I had forgotten about. Situations that have Guy doing the kinds of things that he is taking issue with me doing now.

So, I'm curious. What do you think? Is a journal of a relationship good or will it just lead to trouble down the road to be able to dig up the good AND the bad and relive it any time? Is a foggy memory better in the long run?