J: Unplugged

Relaxing day at home.

Relaxing evening at home as well.

I’m always go-go-go. Sometimes it’s nice to completely unplug from the world and just rest.

On Thursday, when Sunflower guy asked about my weekend , I made excuses, saying I’d need to work. And I did. It wasn’t a lie.

But, in addition to work, today I’ve also done laundry, caught up on Grey’s Anatomy (holy cow…did you see that finale, people??!?) and have brought my house back to a liveable state. Now, thanks to a rather generous glass of wine, I’m completely relaxed and looking around my finally clean, rosemary scented house, pretty proud of myself.

If the phone rings, I most likely won’t answer.

If I decide I’m still thirsty, I’ll most likely drink another glass of wine

If I’m wanting chocolate, I'll most likely be able to find something in my freezer that is filled with chocolatey goodness.

If it’s 8:07 and I’m tired, I most likely will go to bed.

It’s just that kind of night. And that’s okay....and quite satisfactory, actually.

J: Return of the Dancing One

Just as I was finally getting over him, Dancing boy sucked me back in.

He emailed me out of the blue to tell me that he missed dancing with me. Oh yeah, he said that!!!

Secretly, I’ve been wondering why (and disappointed by the fact that) he hasn’t reached out to find out why I haven’t been out dancing on Friday night for the last…um…two months or so.

If you were wondering at the lack of dancing references too…it’s because I severely sprained my foot during one of my many classes and after multiple visits to the doctor, x-rays and a trip to a foot specialist, I was put in a boot (and not the sexy dancing kind). I’m down to about a week left, booted and at that point, all dancing activity will resume…with a vengance. Anyhooo….

Apparently, he’s been off the dancing scene for about as long as I have (and perhaps wondering why I haven’t wondered why he wasn’t there and disappointed that I haven’t reached out to him…) Hmmm…

So, I responded to his email with one of my own, explaining about the sprain and the boot, and basically told him to keep his dancing game up because when I’m back on my feet (foot) again, I’m gonna rock the house!

He responded to me, sympathizing about the foot and explaining that he’s still dancing, just on a different night. Last line of that email: "I miss you, take care".

Smiley, smiley, smiley Jane.

So, I waited a day and responded that I’d let him know when I was all better and that maybe we could end up on the same dance floor sometime. And also that it had “been too long“.

His response was that if I told him when I was back out, we’d definitely be on the same dance floor.

Mmmm….

I know, I know…”Jane, watch it! You have to protect your heart!”

Most likely, he’s just missing his fix of female adoration and knows that he can easily get it from me. I’m pretty sure that that this wonderful, fun, warm fuzzy email communication has come about because of the very fact that I’ve been distant.

I have to keep myself from expecting too much. I have to enjoy the moment and just know that the guy’s a charmer, and that he‘s this way with all the girls.

I can’t let myself think any of this means anything more than that perhaps, he does actually miss me. He’s a friend, yes? I have other friends who miss me too when we don’t see each other in awhile. It most likely is the very same thing.

If nothing else, this has made one thing clear: while looking forward to each email from the Dancing boy, and stressing out over every response I send back, I’ve found myself not exactly avoiding...but also not eagerly anticipating calls from the Sunflower guy and barely responding to texts. I’m just too scared of the conversation that I think that we are going to need to have.

I guess that says something of it’s very own.

J: Third date

This weekend was my third date with the sunflower guy.

Since date #1 there have been numerous calls, emails, texts...pretty much constant communication. Unfortunately, it's becoming more and more clear that the future for us, is looking like it will be just friendship.

I'm not completely sure how to write this post...

The guy is great...G.R.E.A.T. We're just....in different places.

This weekend he shared with me some really personal stuff from his past. And honestly... it was stuff that made it even more clear to me that there's not long-term potential there.

But, after that vulnerability, how can I reject him?

But how also do I spend more time, getting to know him even better and better, if I'm pretty sure that it's not forever?

As of yet, there has been no physical stuff. No hand holding. No kisses. But I haven't really encouraged it either. Will my feelings change when that is added to the picture? Do I WANT to sway from my initial (logical) response when the hormones are brought into the picture?

Umm...not really.

There's more on the way regarding this...I promise. I just need to get my head on a little bit better before I can really, clearly articulate what I'm thinking and feeling.

I fear though, that there's another difficult conversation looming in my future...and I'm not looking forward to it at all.