J: One Week Left

Less than a week until the end of July and I still haven’t had my date.

I’ve had offers. Many of them at this point, thanks to OKCupid. So what’s the big deal?

The problem is that the offers I’ve gotten are from scary, scary guys.

I can agree to go out with the guy who calls himself “Scorpion102” who is a smoker & hates kids but owns “many” cats (which I’m allergic to…sorry Sheila!) Scorpie is an atheist with an annual income of $10,000-$20,000 who “prefers not to say” what he’s doing to make that kind of money. Apparently, Scorpion102 wants to take me out “TONIGHT”.

That would allow me to check the box for July, yes?

Or there’s another guy who read in my profile that I like dancing. He has messaged me multiple times (despite my lack of response) with more and more urgent messages. He'd love to get to know me. He wants to meet me in person. He can’t wait to hear back from me. He really wants to see my smile. Why haven’t I written back? Please write back. I really must write back soon, because he really wants to take me dancing...there's a great little bar in a little town nearby where we can dance.

I keep thinking…first…STALKER…second…don’t freak me out by flooding me with messages and still expect me to trust you enough to get in your car and drive out of the city, into the country with you when we haven’t even exchanged real names. Seriously!

Finally, there's the guy who wrote to tell me that I should get to know him because he’s so funny I would laugh my ass off. Not that I probably have much ass to laugh off. My ass is probably really nice actually. But I should get to know him. Ummm…yes. That was almost an exact quote. And yes, he chose to use a marginally inappropriate word 3 times in a message to a stranger that he hoped to impress. (For the record, I’m really not all that offended by the word “ass” but he has no way to know that from what I put on my profile!)

This is just a sampling of the “opportunities” that are available to me. The thing is…there’s just not much promise in any of these possible dates. It might, in fact, actually be unsafe for me to go out with these guys considering how little I know about them and how hard they’re pushing.

I need to make a decision.

What is this experiment really about for me? It feels like I’m undergoing a very subtle shift in regards to this whole challenge and I’m not sure it’s a good one. Has this whole thing turned into nothing more than meeting a quota? Shouldn’t there still be something...more behind it?

I can go out with any one of these guys. It would fulfill my obligation for the month. But honestly, I think I’d rather pay the $10 for missing a month (The Stakes #2) After all, I’m the only one in the running to end up with the money anyways! ;)

But it’s the point of the whole thing. I hate to fail. I would HATE to have an almost perfect track record…except for one month smack-dab in the middle of the year.

I went into this thinking that I’d keep my mind completely open and go out with anyone who asked. Maybe I could meet a real gem that I wouldn’t have given the time of day in the past. But shouldn’t there be some boundaries in place? Should I really force myself to spend time with someone when I KNOW we are completely incompatible?

Looking at this from another perspective, wouldn’t I be doing nothing more than using the guy if I went out with him just to fill my quota, knowing that I wasn’t interested from the start? Isn’t that hugely disrespectful? Scorpion102 is a real person. He's a guy who’s being brave by putting himself out there, looking for love. He's right for someone out there...just not me. And is it right to lead him to believe that there might be something there when I know from the start that there’s no chance of a second date?

Isn’t the point of this to find my happily-ever-after? I have to remember that’s my purpose. This game is fun. This game is challenging. But ultimately, the purpose of the game is to find someone who allows me to leave the game…for good.

I’m sure not going to find that someone if my focus is on just getting boxes checked.