S: Repeat Offender Update

We still have not communicated since he told me he wasn't up for a serious conversation last night.

I have nothing to say to him at this point. Really, I can't think of a single word to say to him. I keep thinking maybe I should send him something. Respond to some of the stuff he texted before we ended transmissions. But I've told him multiple times that I want to talk about this in person, so why start talking about it via text now. We'll just have to rehash it all later anyway.

I did stop by his place to drop off a bin of his that had recyclables in it along with a sticky note thanking him for letting me cash them in so I had money to spend on the little girl I mentor, but otherwise, we're living in separate worlds.

Tonight is bike ride night. I don't know that I'm welcome. I'd love to get in a ride. I could use the calorie burn to reduce this anxiety. But I don't like drama any more than he does. (Coincidentally, right now I feel like he's making a bigger deal out of this than I would. Go figure.) Showing up for the ride might just create an air of awkward that I'd rather not torture everyone with.

Either way, and maybe I'm being thick here, I still want to work through this. There is so much good about this relationship that I'd like to see it work out. But not on my own. If he's not willing to take some of it on himself, how can we really move forward? If it's not about both of us being better at being together, how is it really fair? I'm reacting to him the way I do for a reason and I don't think the cause lies solely with me. But the messages I've gotten from him (which are all I have to go on at this point) make it seem like he believes that it does.

The good news is that cute mailman was out and about today and he was NOT wearing a ring. Perhaps Mr. August will come via Priority Mail. Better send myself something I have to sign for.

To be continued...