J: February...CHECK!

Finally, finally, finally, my date with the new Mr. February happened! It was nearly a month after our original plans, but better late than never.

We met over lunch on Friday. He was, as promised, above average good looking. Lunch was lovely, really, it was. But, again, in a replay of my January date, I left it feeling lukewarm. The guy was super nice but this was also his first date after his divorce and I could tell that this was a new and scary experience for him. He said as much, as a matter of fact. It’s not that I don’t have sympathy for where he is…I do! I’ve been there too, it’s not easy. But I really think he was doing what I used to do by putting way too much importance on the date. Wow, that’s pressure! No wonder I freaked out the boys I went out with.

I tried to explain this to the friend who set us up but I don’t think I did a good job of it. Her response was “but you want a serious relationship too.” Yes, I absolutely do, but since this experiment my perspective has changed a bit. I’m no longer as willing to rationalize and justify and make excuses to force each guy into the perfect box of my expectations, in my mind. The difference now is that I realize that there are actually other men out there. If the fit isn’t perfect, it isn’t a fault of either of ours. This guy will not be the last one to ever ask me out. This is not my last chance at love.

I want to make sure that I say at this point, that when I go on a date where I’m totally into the guy, I won’t hesitate to further the relationship for the sake of this challenge. Despite the sisterhood that I feel towards my Date Club ladies, I’m not planning on turning down my chance at a real relationship for the challenge. I would hope that they would do the same.

Here’s the real problem. I went dancing on Friday and my dancin’ friend was there (ya know…the one I’ve been crushing on). We danced several great dances together and I kept my distance like a good girl and after I left, he texted me thanking me for the dances. My heart soared and I couldn’t stop smiling. One text did that! Is it wrong to want that from a potential relationship? Is it wrong to want to feel all sparkly and charming, to laugh and have that intense eye contact and feel that chemistry?

The thing with February is, just because the sparks didn’t fly the first time it doesn’t necessarily mean that feelings that won’t grow in time. And I’m willing to see if that happens. With January, I said that I’d go out with him again, if he’d ask. I’m saying it again. But this time, I think that there’s a greater possibility of a connection. After we left lunch, I gave him a hug and was (obviously) the first one to let go. He told me that I was welcome to call him at any time if I wanted to hang out. I responded that I would enjoy that and said that he could contact me as well. I won’t actually be the one to call. I still think that’s his place at this point. It will be interesting to see what happens.