J: Unattainability

What is it about the unattainable ones that makes them just so damn attractive?

I was thrilled when dancing boy called me on Thursday to make sure that I would be out at my normal dancing haunt on Friday. His reason #2 for the call was apparently to reserve the first West Coast Swing of the night. (Happy, happy Jane!) So I got all prettied up and showed up to dance all excited about getting to see him. I was dancing with another guy when he arrived and then was swept away, by a couple other gents for a few more songs before I was able to make it back to him. However, once we started dancing, we kept on going through about 5-6 more songs. Aaaah…it was so lovely!

Once we were sweaty and exhausted and stumbling off the dance floor to grab a drink, another song came on and he said “hold on, I have to go grab someone for this dance” and took off towards a super cute, petite girl in possession of some true dancing skills. For practically the rest of the night the two of them were inseparable.

You'd all be proud of me. I didn’t pout, I didn’t complain, I didn’t cry. I carried on my own merry way, dancing up a storm with every single guy who asked. It was great, fun, really. But, the night would have been much more enjoyable had I not been monitoring his every dance from the corner of my eye.

And then to cap off my disappointment (surprise surprise) there was no text thanking me for the dances as there was last week. There was no follow up contact at all. And yes, several times in the wee hours of the morning, when I was supposed to be sleeping, I was up checking my phone…surely I missed it. Nope.

So, here’s what I don’t get: why, oh why can I not get over this guy?

I’ve been warned by a reliable friend. I’ve seen him flake out on plans that he’s committed to. I know that he’s someone who is 150% there one minute and then completely gone the next. And, I’ve experienced him giving me every indication that he was interested, only to be disappointed when he disappeared. Repeatedly!

Why would I even consider a relationship with someone with this type of track record? What the heck keeps pulling me back? I’ve been surrounded by men this month. Why can’t I let go of this one?

Is it just the fact that I can’t have what I want?

I’ve done this exact same thing in the past and I know the pattern—it’s one that I don’t like. A couple of years ago, I wasted about a year and a half of my precious time and heart space on the boy who eventually turned into my “bestest single guy friend”. The facts were simple: I wanted him. He didn’t want me. Okay…maybe he kinda wanted me but he didn’t want me enough. And he definitely didn't want me the way I wanted him to want me.

After over a year of meticulously dissecting our many conversations & emails and going out with him on the occasional “maybe date” he started dating someone completely & totally opposite of me in every way. Finally, I was able to knock him off the pedestal I had placed him on and give up on the hope of a relationship. We really were just too different, in completely different places with different dreams & hopes for our futures. It was only then that I got to a place where I could truly be ‘just friends’ with him without hoping for more. But, that was a long, looong time to spend in a constant state of want.

I don’t want to go through that again, but with this one, I feel myself leaning that way.
How do I stop these feelings & crazy behaviors before they get out of control? How do I stop the crush when I keep getting the occasional indication that the feelings might be returned after all?
According to Elle’s favorite book (He’s Just Not That into You) I’m doing it all wrong. If he’s into me, he’ll let me know. If he’s into me, he’ll ask me out. If he’s into me, he won’t spend all night dancing with another girl!

So, I’ll move on! I have at least 10 more guys to go out with before the year is over. I think that I’m even gonna take the 8-minute date ‘friend’ up on his offer of a lunch date on Monday. It won’t count towards my monthly quota, but it can’t hurt either, right? Plus, who knows…there may be an entire untapped well of ‘interesting’ in this guy.

And maybe, in the meantime, I’ll work on figuring out how to harness some unattainability of my own and direct it right back at dancing boy, himself.