J: A Non-blind Date

I’m not exactly sure why I agreed to go out on a date with the 8 minute date 'friend' (a.k.a. Suitor #8). I knew that I wasn’t into him. That’s why I chose “friend” instead of “second date” on the form!

But, he was so persistent.

And my ego was a bit bruised by dancing guy.

And this was my first request for a non-blind date this year! (This guy knew who he was asking out. Aaahh…that’s a nice little bandaid for the ego.)

And…really…why not go?

Maybe he was shy on the night of the 8-minute dates. Maybe he doesn’t do well in crowds. Maybe it was just an ‘off’ night for him. Maybe a fun element of his personality only comes out after 9 minutes.

So, today we went to lunch. It was nice, but...nope…I’m just not into him. On my way back to the office, he texts me to tell me he had a great time and wants to see me again.

Crap.

Last night I was talking with a friend and I was recalling the way that throughout the day, I had thought several times, “oh, I need to txt Suitor #8 to let him know where to meet for lunch.” And then I would promptly forget.

There were many, many things that were more important to me than this date…like…umm…what to eat for lunch and walking with my dog and checking facebook and not forgetting my water bottle and checking my bank balance and washing my hair. You get the picture. Texting him was on my mental “to do” list but it’s priority level was right under “don’t forget that it’s a holiday tomorrow, so wait until Tuesday to put out the trashcan”.

Last year, I had a major crush on a guy and when he actually contacted me I had to force myself to wait just a little bit with my reply. I didn’t want it to seem like I was desperate and waiting by the phone. I played my response over and over in my head. I edited and re-edited and obsessed over getting exactly the right wording and then agonized over hitting the “send” button. I promise you, with that one, I didn’t forget that a response was needed!

While recalling this tale to my friend, I had a bit of an epiphany. I realized that this must be how guys can so easily wait until the very last minute to make plans. They just FORGET! They have other priorities. Unless they're truly into the girl...at which point, forgetting is just not possible!

If I ever feel like some guy has forgotten me or even just deprioritized me in the way that I did with Suitor #8, I need to stop that train right away. It sucks to be on either side of that equation. It is horrible to be the forgetter. It's worse to be the forgotten. Why force something when it’s just not there for one of the parties involved?

Today, I felt like the polite thing to do in this situation was to text back to say thanks for buying lunch. But I didn’t want to encourage anything further. This guy is persistent. I know this about him already. I don’t know if I have it in me to be blunt but I also don’t want to be that one who completely disappears in order to avoid having that conversation. (Only to see him again at the next 8 minute dating event. Eek!) That’s been done to me. It’s not nice.

So, I texted my standard noncommittal post-date text (minus the exclamation marks.) Two minutes later I get back: “No problem, I hope we can do it again soon.”

Ugh. I guess my time has come to learn about how to reject someone. Fun.

Unless someone wants to do it for me? Anyone?