S: Mr. September...Meh

I have officially had my first date since Guy.

And it did nothing to help me. Although I did get a delicious, street-vended treat, provided graciously by Mr. September.

As planned, I met up with Mr. September after Saturday’s sporting event. I had done a little pre-event drinking and spent much of the game doing my best to sober up. I didn’t want to meet Mr. September in an altered state. And I had a long, late drive home ahead of me.

Unfortunately, I also spent most of the game missing Guy and wishing I were enjoying it with him. I didn’t think it would be so hard to be there and not be with him. I thought being there would be better than not being there. But I couldn’t help thinking the pre-game festivities would have been better with him and the game would have been better with him. Even the seats would have been better.

Mostly…I missed him. Sometimes I just want to Spotless Mind myself so this can all stop. It’s very difficult and rather unpleasant. And makes me feel like I’m imbalanced or insane or something.

Anyway, at the beginning of the game, I texted Guy a “go team!” type message, as a polite, friend-y thing to do because he knew I was there. Later, he responded in kind. And that was all. At the end of the game, our team had won so I sent a celebratory text. Again, trying to do the friend thing. I didn’t hear anything from him. Which was fine because I had a date to get to.

I was looking forward to meeting Mr. September. We had exchanged a few texts throughout the day and that had been good and fun. I even got an "LMAO" out of him at some point. And, amazingly, he somehow managed to make the weather clear up. Very impressive indeed.

The game was over and we began coordinating our meet-up efforts. He was on bike and I was in car. I knew I would have a lot of traffic to deal with so he would have to wait a while for me. A bit later, he called and said the place he thought we were going to wasn’t where he thought it was. Which was good because he had gone somewhere that was not where I thought we were going at all. And that could have been disastrous.

We got it all figured out and I continued to trek in the right direction. I finally got through traffic and found somewhere to park, although I bailed out early and parked several blocks away. I have very little patience for parking.

I approached our chosen vendor and eventually saw someone who seemed like it must be him. We did that awkward “is that you?” look and greet thing and figured out we were who we thought we were. And with my “here is the boundary” handshake, the meet-up began. We got in line and chatted and waited and chatted and waited. We made our orders (he ordered what I ordered because my order was confident and concise) and waited for our yummy snack.

I went to dig my cash out of my pocket and he immediately offered to pay. I argued once and then thanked him profusely. I never expected him to pay but was pleased that he played the gentleman.

And then snacks were served. So…delicious. I made lots of yummy sounds, which I had warned him would happen. He laughed because I hadn’t lied. The yummy sounds are uncontrollable.

We found a place to sit among the crowd and chatted some more. Conversation was o.k., but felt a little forced. Not as easy as it had been in message form. Very much “new acquaintance” stuff. We would go for a bit and then there would be an awkward lull.

It didn’t help that I was tired from the day.

He was very sweet and clearly found me amusing, but I didn’t feel any chemistry. There was no spark. And it seems like he was cuter in his picture. Not that the picture wasn’t the Mr. September who I met, but he was just different in person. I had conjured up someone different in my head.

I think he maybe felt some chemistry though. He touched me a couple of times. You know, the kind of quick, flirty touches that you can’t help when you are interested in someone. I did not feel the same desire to touch him. He felt very platonic to me. Good company, but nothing more than a friend.

We had finished our glorious food and it was obvious I was starting to get cold so he asked if I wanted to go to a coffee shop he knew would be open for another hour or so. I considered it (mostly out of politeness) but decided I should hit the road before I got too tired. He was very nice about this and said he shouldn’t tempt me with staying longer when he knows I have a long drive home and he would feel the same way if he was the one having to drive home.

Dammit. Nice guy…no spark.

So we decided to part ways. We got to his bike first, because it was pretty much parked right there. And he didn’t offer to walk me to my car, which he knew was parked several blocks away. This surprised me. But I had stopped keeping score because I knew I wasn’t interested. And I could make it to my car on my own.

He went for the post-date hug. I obliged because he had bought me such tasty food. And he’s a sweet guy. He should get a hug out of the deal.

On my way to the car, I received a text.

From Guy.

Responding to my celebratory text from a couple of hours before.

I was surprised. I had expected it to be from Mr. September. I rolled my eyes thinking, “Don’t be sending me messages already. I don’t like you that much, you can’t like me.”

But it wasn’t him.

It was the only person I was hoping to hear from. Of course.

The problem with this date was that it made me miss Guy even more. When I went out with Guy, there were sparks. We had an immediate connection. Even though I tried to keep him at a distance at first, I never wanted our time together to be over. We would have unscheduled dates between the dates and all our dates would last for hours and hours, well into the next morning. Even before the physical stuff started.

The fact that I had no chemistry with this guy only confirmed that what I had felt with Guy had been real and not some trick of the imagination. We did have something. Because if I could have conjured up something with Mr. September, I would have. I need something to give me a reason to move on. But there wasn’t anything there.

So now I missed Guy even more. And that meant of course I responded to his text. I asked if he was still in town because I wanted to stop and have a beer with him. He was not. He had already gotten home. We exchanged messages as I hit the interstate. (Thank goodness this is an anonymous blog. I know I shouldn’t do that, but it kept me awake. It’s a bad habit and I am trying very hard to break it.)

In the meantime, Mr. September tried to call. I accidentally answered it while typing a message to Guy and then hung up really fast. I didn’t want to talk to him. He sent a text saying it was a wake up call to make sure I hadn’t fallen asleep. I responded that I didn’t know what happened to the call or why it was dropped, but that my phone had a mind of it's own. I didn't mention about what an evil bitch I am. I did thank him for calling. Then we sent our good nights.

And I went back to Guy.

Because I’m dumb.

I let him know when I made it home and thanked him for helping to keep me awake. He said he was glad I made it safely. And I let it go at that. I wasn’t going to keep it up at that point. Even though I really missed him and wished for a reason to go to his place.

I stayed up a bit longer putzing around the house and then a while later, I got a “g’nite” from Guy out of the blue. He had been waiting for me to respond to the last message I guess.

I told him I had just climbed into bed and it was all cold. This triggered a conversation about cold beds and snuggling. Both of us wishing the other were with us, but not having the guts to say so. I kept hoping he would ask to come over, but he didn’t. And as much as I wanted to go to his place, I resisted. I have to stay away.

We kept it up until I fell asleep.

When I woke up this morning, I had missed a final message from him the night before, so I sent a message about not wanting to get out of bed because of the cold. He said something about being toasty which felt sort of off-putting to me. I responded that in bed was better than out. He did not answer.

I haven’t heard from him all day and I haven’t sent any more messages. I’m really trying not to reach out to him if I can avoid it. And I have been curious to see if he would reach out to me. He obviously missed me last night, so would he still miss me today?

Clearly not, because he hasn’t sent a word.

Mr. September, on the other hand, has. He asked if I would be interested in dinner this week. O.k., technically, not really, but he’s a nice guy and deserves a second date if he wants it. Unfortunately, this week is a really bad week for me, so I had to put him off until next week. He was o.k. with this. We have made early plans for a second date. This means that at some point I’m going to have to tell him I’m not interested. Oh boy. One of the very best parts of dating.

So we’ve taken it to the next level. Beyond online date site. We had already exchanged phone numbers and now we have each other’s email addresses. I haven’t been initiating communication with him, but I will respond when messaged to. Hmmm…a sign of me not being that into him.

Wait...so, if someone were not initiating conversations with me, but responding when I did the intiating, would that also be a not-so-into-me sign?

YES, SHEILA! USE YOUR FRIKKIN’ BRAIN!

My heart makes me dense.

But it wants what it wants. And it wants Guy.

Sorry, Mr. September. Maybe you can start a club with Mr. October and Mr. November and Mr. December. Because my guess is they won't do much better.