J: The part I didn't tell you

Here’s what I couldn’t bring myself to write last night…and the real reason I couldn’t sleep.

Mr. September apparently is a lot more recently out of his last ‘rebound’ relationship than I had realized. It also lasted a lot longer than I had realized. (Over a year!)

And, apparently I was the VERY first person he contacted on OKCupid.

I’ve dated a ton over the past year. He hasn’t dated at all. Basically, the last time he casually went out with anyone, he was 17 years old.

He mentioned, during our "let's take this back a step or two" conversation that he would still like to go out with other people...but nothing serious...maybe a cup or coffee or drinks or something.

(While also making sure that I understood that he doesn’t have anyone specific lined up…or anyone even in mind for said 'casual date'.)

And, actually, I really did believe him.

And I guess I understood where he's coming from.

He’s freaked out by the speed that we jumped into this relationsip and also by not getting the opportunity to see what/who else is out there before finding someone new.

He jumped from marriage to rebound to me. And while he made it very very clear that he really does like me…a lot…he also doesn’t want to lock into anything serious so quickly after his last relationship.

Like I said…I get it.

However, I told him that if he was going to be out there dating, I would be dating too.

And he wasn’t happy about that.

He asked (very sweetly) if he could also be Mr. October. I reminded him that he was already Mr. September and pointed out that what he was asking for was a double standard, and not at all fair. He sheepishly acknowledged that I was right and the subject drifted in a different direction. No real resolution…

But, here’s the thing that really bothered me…I knew that I don’t really have any desire to date anyone else. This pointed (in my mind) to a huge imbalance. And in my experience, imbalance in a relationship is a bad bad thing.

Early in the wee hours of the morning, I decided that there needed to be another conversation. I decided that while I didn't like the idea of dating around, I could try to deal with it. It would let me continue with this dating challenge afterall and it would teach me how to build up some walls of my own. But, I also decided that until there’s some commitment there, we need to back off on ALL aspects of the relationship that we rushed forward into…including (and especially, if we were 'dating around') the physical ones.

I woke up this morning miserable from just an hour or two of sleep. The first few hours at work were awful…all the way up until I got his call.

He started off by telling me that he had made a major mistake last night. He did NOT want to date anyone else. He wants just me! He didn’t even know why he had mentioned it. He likes what we have so far. He doesn't want to lose me. He wanted to give us a chance!

(But he still wants to slow things way down.) Groovy.

The sun came out. Birds fluttered in the sky again. A thousand-ton weight was lifted off my shoulders. I could finally feel the gallons of caffeine that I'd been guzzling.

I can do slow.

I can handle taking a step back if I know that by doing so, it will ultimately point me in the direction I think I want to go.

Last night, I had no problem with the idea of slowing down. I agreed with him, actually. What I couldn’t handle was the thought of him actually going on a date...or even wanting to go on a date with anyone else.

I like that he figured it out on his own. I like that he was man enough to admit to his mistake. I like that he apologized.

I also like that he likes me enough and respects me enough to realize that we’re not really going to go anywhere if we’re both always looking over our shoulders…especially considering that we're two formerly-married people who had both been cheated on.

This was the exact call and the exact conversation and the exact words that I would have scripted to come out of his mouth if I hadn’t been so exhausted and miserable.

He did good.

So, we’re on for tomorrow. We’ll be able to spend some quality time together, chatting, sharing stories, holding hands, making each other laugh, and getting to know each other all over again.

Slowly, this time, without all the scary premature expectations.