S: Bah!

And, as usual, now that the frustration and hurt is subsiding, I miss him.

O.k., I always miss him.

But now I miss him more because I don't feel as bad as I did.

And yet, when I think about the coldness of just ignoring my last messages to him, the frustration comes back. Besides, I can't think of anything to say to him. And I don't want to sound like crazy ex-girlfriend. And I'd like for him to have to climb out on a limb a bit. Which means I must remain silent.

So I guess I have to just keep on missing him. And have the Sheila & Guy montage running through my head on an endless loop. And continue to wonder what life could be like if he wasn't being such a dumbass.

All I want in the world right now is for him to send me a message saying he misses me. I don't think it will happen and I want to sternum punch myself for even wanting it, but it is what it is. I want him to love me and miss me and want me and need me as much as I do him.

And that effing sucks.

This all effing sucks.

Bah!

Humbug!