J: Where I am

It’s been awhile since I last checked in. Where do I even begin to get you caught up?

Should I start with:

A.) that I’m getting a bit nervous that I only have ½ a week left in March. Every other month, I’ve had my next man ’o the month date lined up by now but as of today, April is looking bleak

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B.) the fact that despite my best intentions, I still have it bad for the unattainable ones. And, now it’s not just dancing boy…I apparently have even added another unattainable one to my collection. (More on this next time.)

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C.) my continuing disinterest in dating due to the recent heartbreak of losing my pup and learning how to deal with the emptiness in my heart & house

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D.) my ever diminishing lack of self esteem due to the fact that I’m out dancing or running or swimming at least 6 days a week and am still not dropping any of this excess weight. Isn’t ‘self confidence’ one of the #1 factors when it comes to attraction? Oh friend, I ain't got it.

Ugh.

I think it all comes down to the fact that I’m just not content.

I’m not feeling good in my own skin. I’m impatient. I’m sad. I’m frustrated. I’m distracted and lonely…and quite honestly…I’m just not seeing a lot of hope right now.

I understand that this will pass. And for your sake, dear reader, I should probably be blogging cheerier stuff. But lately, I just am not 'cheer' personified.

What do I need to do to move past this point?

I am a true believer that we all put out a signal. The very last thing I want to do is chase away those potential Mr. Aprils when they sense the discontent that is probably pouring out of me.

So…what I’m trying to do now is to be patient and gentle with myself.

It’s perfectly okay and it’s 100% normal that I’m still sad about my pup.

It’s okay that I don’t have Mr. April lined up yet. I have more than a month left. Many, many things can happen in a month!

It’s also okay and very normal that I feel excitement when I’m contacted by either one of the unattainable ones. I just need to make sure that I consciously attach the title of “friend” each and every time…and hopefully, over time, begin to really believe the label.

(See…I feel a little better already.)

So, thanks for your patience and please accept my apologies for not staying in better touch during the last few weeks.

Stay tuned, I’m looking forward to telling you all about how this turns around.