J: Heartbroken

Over the past few weeks I haven't been able to be online much and haven't really been focused on dating at all. I’ve been dealing with the ever worsening health of my beloved best friend of 12 years…my sweet, sweet pup.

Despite my commitment to this challenge, if I hadn’t gotten my March date in early, it wouldn’t have happened. I haven’t had the energy, ability, focus or desire to deal with anything but making sure my pup was as comfortable and pain-free as possible. Earlier this week he was at the point that I had no choice but to make the hardest decision I’ve ever faced…and for his sake alone, I finally made the impossible call to let him go.

This precious pup has been with me through so many years of joy and tears. A month after graduation from college (weeks after returning from my honeymoon) he came into my life and has been a constant source of love, comfort, company, entertainment, and security ever since.

He was there for my move from my home state to this southern one. His reassuring presence was there to offer kisses and comfort when my dream marriage turned into the nightmare of divorce. He was there as I raised, loved and then had to let go of another beloved 4-legged friend. No matter how late I got home, he’s the one who was always at the door to greet me with a huge doggy grin and tail wagging at 50 mph. He’s fiercely guarded my house from all the dangerous squirrels, neighborhood cats and anyone that might have the gall to walk by his front window or back fence. He kept me feeling safe at night when I was home all alone. He was the one that I said “Goodnight, sleep well, sweet dreamies” to before turning off the light and “Have a good day, be good, I love you” to when I left in the morning. We've howled at sirens together and he’s ‘helped’ me with my diet. He’s been my road trip buddy and navigator on countless visits back to my home state. He’s been my alarm clock…stealthily sneaking into my bed in the morning for a cuddle, before reminding me that I really should get up, get moving and go open the back door, for goodness sake! He’s kept me safe during walks through the neighborhood late at night. He's exhausted the squeeker out of hundreds of toys and has fetched balls for hours upon end. And best of all…he’s always found everything about me completely fascinating and absolutely wonderful…following me from room to room and patiently listening to my stories & chatter, while also being equally happy to just sit by me silently when I need company or kissing away my tears when I'm sad.

In short…he has been a source of limitless, unconditional, boundless and perfect love and devotion. How am I supposed to do life without him?

Maybe you’re wondering: Does all of this really belong on a dating blog?

Maybe not. But this challenge is about life. My pup has been a huge part of my life. And I feel as though I’d be remiss to not share with you this major life event that has been such a burden on my heart and my soul.

Besides, there’s a tie to relationships here, I promise…

Ever since I brought home the furry little squirming bundle of energy, I’ve known this day would eventually come. After my divorce, in the back of my mind was the thought: “How am I ever going to be able to go through something so hard on my own.” I thought that I would need a man by my side at that point so that I wouldn’t have to deal with it on my own…so that I could have someone to comfort me.

Well…the hard day finally arrived. And uh oh…I’m NOT in a relationship. There is no man. What now?

Surprise, surprise…apparently this idea of needing a man to survive such a trauma is overrated.

I have been so incredibly lucky, thankful & blessed that despite the fact that I’m single, I haven’t actually had to deal with this on my own at all. I’ve had comfort. I’ve had support. I’ve had love. I’ve had friends from far and near, crying with me, listening to me, praying for me, sympathizing and empathising with me, making sure I’m okay and offering to help out in any way they can…in short, loving me.

In addition, because I’m single, I was able to make the right choice for my pup, completely on my own, uninfluenced by anyone else’s opinion. I didn’t have to take into account or stress over anyone else’s emotions or thoughts but my own. And in the end, I didn’t resent anyone for pressuring me to make that decision any sooner or any later than I needed to.

Looking forward though, it’s incredibly sad to me that when I finally find my “Mr. Forever”, he will never get the chance to know the first dog to truly steal my heart.

I’m pretty sure that there will be another furry friend in my future...but not for a while. I can’t even imagine trying to fill my beloved pup’s spot right now. But ultimately, in my heart, I know that I am a dog person. I can't imagine that a dog-less life could be as full or as worthwhile as one with canine companionship.

Dogs give such unconditional love, such devotion. They help you remember to appreciate the simple things in life and fill it with such fun, laughter and joy. When I look back over the past 12 years, my pup has been the only constant male presence in my daily life. He's been there for me, loving me day in and day out, despite all of my faults, throughout my entire adult life.

Tell me…how could any man hope to measure up to that?