S: "Off" Morning

I'm a bit out of sorts this morning. Guy and I had an "off" night, which almost got back "on" but then seems to have turned into an "off" morning.

We both have a bad habit of assuming the other is feeling a certain way and then escaping into our shells, rather than just asking. Which only causes the other one to sense something odd and escape into his/her protective shell. Until everything is just not quite clicking.

I really don't like it when we're off. And I especially don't like that it seems like I'm always screwing something up. I'm really just not that good at this relationship stuff, I guess.

But I have to cut us both some slack. We're new at this. We're still figuring each other out. We're still getting used to the things that make each other go off track.

The good news is, we recognize when we've skipped the track and we talk about it right away. In fact, I find that I'm way better at confronting this kind of "hey, is there something wrong" kind of stuff than I have been in the past. Which is good. I may actually be...gasp...growing.

This is probably because I want this relationship to work. I'm willing to work through this stuff and commit the effort to keeping us on track as much as possible. This is too good to just write off. He is worth every uncomfortable conversation and discussion of who said or didn't say what and how or why.

An "off" morning with him still in my life is a far cry better than an "on" morning with him gone. Which is a lot to say after not even two months. But it's true. I don't want him to go anywhere.

What I do know is that we'll get past this. It's just a little funk. I am confident that we'll skip right back onto the track. I know he's in this as deep as I am and it's that security that gives me the assurance to work at it and not freak out and run.

Besides, I really like working at our relationship. It's like it's this project we are doing together as a team. I love knowing there is someone who feels that I am also worth the effort. And getting back on track is always a lot of fun.