The date was actually really nice. The conversation flowed and he was a really friendly guy. However, since I knew that he knew that he was there to help me meet a quota, it felt a bit like a sympathy date. Plus, there wasn’t a lot of spark there for either one of us. But even IF there had been a loooove connection, that relationship would be difficult to maintain since he’s moving several states away in a little over a month. And long distance has proven in the past not to work…at least not for me.
But despite the lack of za-za-zoom, Mr. July and I ended up spending a couple of hours together…and really we ended up getting to know each other pretty well. I think that without the expectations of “happily ever after maybe” we were free to really dive into some deep stuff and share our real feelings and unedited opinions without the caution that comes from hoping you don’t say anything that would keep you from being everything that you think that they are hoping to see.
Did that last sentence make sense? I’ve reread it and I don’t think it does. But I can’t think of a way to edit it to say what I was trying to say.
Let me try again…
I think the easiest way to express my point is to use an example of some dating advice I once read about how you should “keep the crazy in a box”. You know…I’m talking about the advice to girls to do your best to keep the nutzo parts of yourself to yourself…at least until he’s so into you that when a little bit of crazy slips out he doesn’t go running for the hills.
But for me, with Mr. July, closing the box wasn’t even a consideration. I could let my crazy out and be accepted or not. Either way it was okay.
Why not go into every date with that mentality…with more openness and honesty from the beginning ?
My crazy box is pretty big. And a lot of what is in there is part of who I am. Shouldn’t I find someone who loves the crazy too? Wouldn’t you more quickly and more wisely be able to determine if you’re actually compatible vs. pretending like you’re compatible in the hopes of getting another date to PROVE your compatibility or to allow time for the compatibility (that doesn’t really exist) to suddenly appear.
But isn’t that also an awful lot to ask of a stranger? Where’s that line between complete honesty and scaring the poor boy away with a little TMI?
If you can’t go into the date with the crazy box wide open, lid flapping around in the breeze, than maybe it makes sense to have a few holes poked in the side of the box to let some of the crazy ooze out. After all, if the relationship actually goes anywhere, he’s bound to discover it anyways…right?
Wow. I was so not planning for this post to go in this direction. I guess that’s what happens after a couple of glasses of wine and too many days with not enough sleep.
I guess…in summary:
- July date was good
- No second date expected (and that’s perfectly okay)
- My eyes are intensely peeled for Mr. August
- Won’t be waiting until the last minute this time (Hopefully OKCupid will assist in that area!)
And that crazy box...it's still open for discussion.
Posts
LOVED your post Jane! Was a ton o' fun! And keep that lid a flappin' in the breeze! LOL.....so true...were all a little crazy!
ReplyDeleteWhat a great idea you ladies have! I hope you all have amazing dates in August! :)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you had a good first date with Mr. July, and even if it's the only date you ever have together, at least it was a memorable one in that the pressure was off and you could really be yourself around him. I know what you mean about the Crazy Box. I often wonder myself how long to wait until I start exposing some of my own inner crazy tendencies. I mean, they have to come out eventually, right? Is it better to lay all the cards out on the table early on or is the fun in discovering these little quirky things about each other as the dates progress?
ReplyDeleteInteresting food for thought. Great post!