J: Last contact

Today is going to be, quite possibly, the very last day that I have any form of contact with Mr. September.

It’s his birthday and after much debate, I’ve decided to send him a “Happy Birthday” text.

After today, I have no reason, whatsoever, to be in contact with him ever again. It’s entirely possible that our paths will never cross.

I must admit…part of my heart is desperately hoping that this spawns a conversation. But, my brain is doing its best to try to keep my poor little heart from being disappointed when I get back nothing more than a “Thanks”…or worse yet…no response at all.

What I want is a “It’s so good to hear from you, I’ve missed you so very much, when can I see you again?” But even my silly heart knows that’s not the response I’ll get.

From here, I really must finally pack up those feelings into “Yeah, it was nice but it won’t happen again” boxes. From here, I’ll have to finally admit that he’s not going to show up to win back my heart with roses and tears and apologies. From here, I must move on.

I have a second date with Mr. October tonight and I couldn’t care less. I wonder if he’ll be able to tell.

I have plenty to keep me busy today. But, the only plan that really matters to me is sending this damn text.

Because, until it’s sent…and until he responds…I can still hold onto that tiny little tiny seed of hope.