J: Too much to ask

So, here we are now.

Mr. October=Me. Me=Mr. September.

Mr. October is totally into me. I have a great time, enjoy his company and have been having fun with him.

But my heart is cold.

I didn't wait long enough to jump into something new...not that this is really "something". We've only been out twice. However, after such a short time, he's completely and totally, puppy-dog devoted to me.

Is this how Mr. September felt? I really think so. Which hurts. Because if Mr. October disappeared out of my life right now...if he broke up with himself for me...like I did for Mr. September, I'd be sad for a day or so but when it came down to it, I would be just fine. I'd move on without thinking about him all that much. And I sure wouldn't be calling him and begging him to come back into my life.

So, is Mr. October coming into my life a blessing or a curse?

This time with October has helped me realize that I have no choice but to move on past Mr. September. There's not gonna be a do-over like I had hoped for. And, that's unfortunate because I now realize that adoration isn't what I really, really want.

What I want is compatibility and equality and a true partnership. I need a combination of the two guys...a little bit of each...the best pulled from both relationships.

Apparently, that's too much to ask for.