S: Go Time Go!

This time, while waiting for time to pass, is rather frustrating. And I can't do anything about it. I just have to wait for time to pass.

Some annoyances I'm struggling with today...

I keep thinking of things I could have said to him. Points that may have changed his mind. Reasonable arguments that could have made him feel better about the status of our relationship. But, then again, maybe they wouldn't have. He's very stubborn and has a tendency not to see the other side of things until much later. Still, they tumble around in my head, causing me to have to constantly convince myself that I must resist the urge to say them to him now. Only time can allow me to focus on other things.

Everything is a reminder. This is a phase that just drives me crazy. That point at which you can't look or listen anywhere to anything without seeing or hearing a reminder of the other person. And the only thing that makes it go away is the passage of time. Even then, you are still reminded, but the remembering is not so charged. Eventually the meaning is lost and the memory is just part of your story. I would like to accelerate to that point.

Hoping that every time I get a text, it's from him. I feel like a dog waiting for its master to come home. Every car that drives by is the one. And then the disappointment of being wrong. It's just plain silliness. Again, only time lessens this effect. (Of course, it doesn't help when he still texts me, but I know that eventually I just won't care that much if I hear from him.)

Thinking of all the things I depended on him for that I'm going to have to deal with on my own now. For someone so independent, I was allowing myself to lean on him a lot. Especially in just 6 months' time. Who will I run things past to help make decisions? Who will keep me from being lonely at Christmas when I can't afford to go see my family? Who will buy me sushi? Who will take me tailgating during football season? Dammit, I can do these things on my own. Time will prove that I don't need him.

Missing him. I would definitely like to stop missing him now. But I can't fast forward that either.

Yes, it all goes away. Just not soon enough for my liking. Go, time! Pass already.