J: Kissed

On Saturday, after 4 hours of dancing and then a nice big plate of pancakes, Mr. May kissed me.

Unfortunately, there were not any Brady Bunch fireworks.

Maybe it was due to the fact that he didn’t kiss me until after basically begging me to come back to his house to go to sleep with him. (Not to be confused with actually “sleeping with” him.) He promised we’d keep our clothes on. He promised I could trust him. He promised that all we’d do is sleep.

Yeah right.

There was no internal debate. It was just a “no”.

Nothing he said could have made it happen. Just…no.

It felt strange to me that he would consider even suggesting it. Yes, we’re friends in class. Yes, there’s something going on between us. Yes, we’ve gone out a few times now, one on one. But what makes the idea of me going back to his apartment to "sleep" appropriate? And especially considering the idea was brought up before our first kiss.

Odd.

So, after firmly rejecting his idea, we had our un-sparkly kiss(es) and I headed home.

But since then, the next two times that I saw him…nothing. No more kisses. Both times he waited for me and left when I left and walked me to my car. I got a hug once and a peck on the cheek the second time. That’s it! So…if there were no sparks, and I’m not all that interested in the long-term why would I be upset that there’s been nothing more?

Is it purely because it’s NOT happening that I want it to? There’s all these thoughts circling around in my head:

• Did he feel the lack of sparks? (It would only make sense that they weren’t there for him if they weren't there for me.)
  
• Does he just want to be friends now? (Wouldn’t that be a good thing?)
  
• Is he 'punishing' me for not going home with him? (If so…good riddance!!!)
  
• Did I have something stuck in my teeth when he first kissed me that grossed him out so much that he’ll never ever attempt it again? (Whoopsie, if that's the case!!)
  
• Am I putting out signals that say “don’t kiss me I’m just having fun with you”? (Again, would that be a bad thing?)
  
• Why is he still turning up everywhere I am, waiting to walk me to my car, asking me to do other stuff, etc, if he’s not interested? (He MUST still be at least a little interested...)
  
• And lastly: What’s wrong with meeee? ( I know...I know...There’s absolutely nothing, nothing, nothing wrong with me!)
  

Shouldn’t I just keep moving on? Am I more interested in him because he’s acting less interested in me? Unfortunately, that’s definitely proven to be my M.O. If that’s the case…the only that I can say is: Good move, Mr. May. Good move!

If nothing else, what I’ve learned from all the questions and emotions that were stirred up from just a KISS, is thank goodness I didn’t let him talk me into going home with him. Whew...you think I'm a mess NOW...