J: Self Discipline

It feels like everything is falling apart. Still.

And I think I’ve finally figured out why. I’ve completely and totally let go of my self discipline.

In so many different areas of my life, this has been a rough couple of months. When things started going topsy turvy I used it all as an excuse to just…stop paying attention, I guess.

I stopped making healthy choices in what I’m eating. (“Chimichanga with queso? Why yes, thank you!” “Another piece of chocolate pie? You bet!”) I’ve let my dishes pile up. I haven’t mopped the floor. I’ve bitten my nails down to nothing. I stopped going to the grocery store, which has led to spending buckets of money on restaurants and even less healthy food choices. I’ve not been around as much for my friends. I’ve let weeds overrun my backyard.

I’ve basically kept myself busy and out of the house so that I haven’t had to deal with it being so empty.

Along with all of these other areas that I’ve lost control of, I’ve also somehow let go of the person I was back in February…ya know…the girl full of hope and surrounded by men, men, men!

And with this mental shift, I’ve apparently also completely shifted my focus to the unattainable boys.

Maybe (probably) because I don’t have to worry about having a real relationship with any of them. The beautiful and appealing thing about each of them is their very unattainability. Why these boys? None of them have ever given me real hope for a happy future…but then again, they’re also not a real threat to this comfortable single state, either.

So, it’s time to change things around. I’ve made a commitment to refrain from obsessing about the unattainable boys for an entire week. (Well…at least until Friday.) It’s not going to be easy. The minute I notice that I’ve started thinking about an unattainable, I’m going to consciously shut that thought down.

I’m hoping that if I give myself a bit of a break, I might come out on the other side with a little more hope and a better attitude.

I’m also hoping that reasserting self discipline in this area will help me find my self discipline when it comes to food, exercise, household chores, the way that I’m spending my money and the way that I’m spending my time.

It’s time to refocus. It’s time to email Mr. March back. It’s time to start searching for Mr. April. It’s time to somehow swing this ship around!