S: Appropriate or Not?

I'm going to let you be the judge. I just had this exchange via a certain dating site. Keep in mind that I have never communicated with this person before.

Him
Subject: question
Entire Message: Do you have kids or can you still make babies just wondering?

Me
Subject: Re: question
Entire Message: What a ridiculously inappropriate and personal question to ask a stranger. Not cool.

Him
Subject: Re: question
Entire Message: Huh? Your selling yourself on a personals web site where people go to find a husband or wife and you can't answer a simple question can you make babies something so simple? Wow just what a man wants a woman who can't talk honestly truth and Yes! Personal matters! Got news for You! I can still make babies and clearly You can't.. Why else would a skinny ass uppity blond be on-line unless her major flaw was she can't make babies... Screw your cool. I like honesty and truth. Something your also clearly flawed at.....

end exchange

I don't know. I thought my response was pretty honest. And, coincidentally, I actually use my name on the site. This fellow does not.

I do like the label "skinny ass uppity blond". Very Diane from Cheers.

What do you think? Is "can you still make babies" a proper opening line?

Footnote: If I really wanted to know, my reciprocal question would be "can you make female orgasms?" Because I bet not. Why else would some old fart who could still make babies be online?

S: Well Done, Mr. November

What a great date!

I haven’t had that fantastic a date since…well, you know…Mr. Old News.

It didn’t even feel like a date. It had all the trappings of a date, but it just felt like hanging out and having some laughs with a friend.

I don’t mean to put Mr. November in the friend category, I just mean that it was comfortable. We spoke the same language. There wasn’t all that awkward date pressure.

I never even checked the time. Instead of 45 minutes feeling like an hour and a half, 5 and a half hours felt like 45 minutes. We closed down a bar on a Tuesday night.

I’m guessing that part may have helped. Dinner wine and after martinis got us to relax a bit. Hopefully we don’t always have to be enjoying beverages to have fun, but for the first time at bat, the nectar of Bacchus prevented any “Oh my God it’s the longest time anyone has ever gone without speaking!” moments.

Not that we got schnockered or anything. We are responsible adults. And it was a Tuesday.

Anyway. Fantastic date. Kudos go to Mr. November. I had so much fun that I am looking forward to the next time we go out. No obligatory second date this time. I actually want to see him again. Not because I hope he’ll do better, but because I don’t think he could do any better.

And really, at this point, we have such a long list of restaurants we want to eat at that we’ll probably have to go out for a year just to get to all of them. Which doesn’t seem like a bad idea, other than the sheer quantity of calories consumed.

Judging by our first meal together anyway. Our dinner was delicious. I twisted his arm to get a particularly tasty appetizer, but he loved it so I’m sure it only endeared me to him. That’s the hope, I guess. Our dinner conversation was good. Lots of good get-to-know-you stuff without just sticking to the obvious, boring crap, but also avoiding the kinds of things you just shouldn’t talk about on a first date.

After dinner, as planned, we went down the street for drinks at a fun little neighborhood martini bar. There was laughing. There was chatting. There was arm touching. And, I even got recognized. Yes, that’s right, Little Miss Thang does some internet videos and independent movies sometimes and every once in a while, people in her not-so-big city recognize her from these things when she is out. This is always a strange experience. And never before have I experienced it on a date. I tried to be cool about it. I then demanded loudly that everyone stop staring at me…there was nothing to see…I’m just a person like they are. Do you think that seems cocky?

Time flew by and we decided since we were the only ones left, they may want to close the bar. And now we get to the ever-popular end of date random chat until he decides what move he is or isn’t going to make.

I have determined that there is absolutely no way to avoid the awkwardness at the end of a first date. From now on, I’m just going to call attention to it. I’m tired of ignoring the elephant in the room. I have a new theory on how it should be handled, but Jane made me promise to write it in a separate post, so I can’t tell you what it is right now.

Anyway, we fell victim to the typical first date ending. We stood outside awkwardly making goodbye sounds while he tried to decide what the best move was. I just wanted to say good night and head to my car. He wanted some sort of physical punctuation to the evening.

I’m not a first date kisser. If I remember correctly from the early days of Guy, I was mocked for my physical distance over many of our first encounters. What can I say? I’m slow. It takes me a while to feel comfortable with that sort of thing. I have to assess the situation and see how I feel about everything.

I have a circle of safety.

Because it was such a great date and I am interested in future great dates, I was kind and didn’t just rush to my car, but I really didn’t want a kiss. Or anything. The result of this was a strange half hug and what amounted to him smelling my hair.

People always like how my hair smells, so this probably worked in my favor anyway.

After this tragic denouement, we good nighted and made our separate ways. I wasn’t bothered by it because it was to be expected. I was enjoying the after glow of a very good time. I thought it might have bothered him a bit though.

It is because of this that I allowed myself to be the first to text. This is not usually how it happens, but I thought maybe I’d throw him a life preserver after that. The text was random and meaningless, but it opened the lines of communication and after a short exchange, he apologized for the awkward end to the date. I told him I wasn’t worried about it because that’s just how it goes and that we’d power through. It was certainly nothing that required an apology.

This seemed to set his mind at ease.

At this point, we have already determined what our next date will be, we just haven’t discussed when. And I'm very much looking forward to it. More food and fun is slated and I’m guessing it won’t disappoint. The disappointment will be how busy our schedules are this month and how long it might take to be able to get together.

In the meantime, we will continue to have text and email conversations. He has become the one who I always hope the dinging on my phone is heralding. He’s the one I want to hear from now.

This is the delightful side effect of a good date. Forward movement. There was some static from Guy over the last week. A couple of times he came close to asking to come over. And guess what. I don’t want him to.

Come over that is.

I do want him to ask. Because, for the first time, I could tell him that I’m seeing someone and I don’t want to screw it up by carrying on some stuck-in-a-rut affair with my ex-boyfriend. For the first time, I’m more interested in someone else than in him. For the first time, I can see how somebody else might be better.

Well done, Mr. November.

J: Cruisin' Connection

Soooo…I know after my last post, this won’t surprise you: I ended up having a ‘Love Boat’ experience of my very own with my piano man.

Apparently, meeting someone on vacation is not like meeting someone in real life.

Suddenly, you’re faced with a situation where you know that once the week's over, you’re never going to see the other person again….or at least it’s highly unlikely that your paths will ever cross. And in addition to the lack of a future, the time that you have together in the present is exceptionally limited, requiring the courtship process to speed along at a breakneck pace.

I saw “short-term-fun-time” when I looked into his eyes. I didn’t see either of us making wedding plans or naming our 2.5 children. So all the compliments & appreciation he showered on me was enjoyable instead of freaking me out & driving me away (as Mr. October’s did).

Plus, I had the added benefit of ‘dating’ a star of the ship. We hung out with his dueling-piano buddies when we were out and everywhere we went, they were showered with compliments and adoration and free drinks. These guys were seriously good! (Even my dad, at one point, proudly told me about his encounter with ‘the piano guys’ at lunch one day and how excited he was to get to chat with them. Little did he know…) ;)

And, due to being a performer on the ship and paid by the cruiseline, my piano guy was officially “staff”. So, in addition to the excitement of hanging with a ‘celebrity’ I also got the thrill of sneaking around, Dirty Dancing style since he was basically putting his job on the line by ‘fraternizing with a guest’.

As the week wound to a close, we exchanged phone numbers (and last names). And, believe it or not, since disembarking, we have actually texted. We also have an understanding that if he ever ends up in my city, he’ll give me a call.

But, I’m not holding my breath. I’m not waiting by the phone.

It was what it was. And that’s all that it was. And that’s all that it will be.

And both of us understood that without a word being said.

There’s no obsessing.

There’s no rejection.

There’s no playing out the relationship into the future...wondering about Christmas plans, or whether his family would like me, or wondering how to deal with all that baggage from previous relationships.

There's no freaking out about why he hasn't called.

And, those red flags? No matter!

It was just enjoying the moment, in the moment, for what it was.

And it was fantastic!!!

J: Cruisin' Solo

Well….apparently, since this cruise spans the Thanksgiving holiday, it’s the PERFECT one for families. This is obviously not the week for singles to be traveling. There are quite a few hot guys on this ship but inevitably, about 5 seconds after I’ve spotted one, the beautiful wife shows up or the darling kids run over and hang on his shirt tails…and another one is crossed off my list.

To increase my odds of meeting someone on this cruise, I’ve been attending the “Sailing Solo” meetings. Unfortunately, however, the average age of that crowd is approximately 55. Not good. Granted, there were about 3 guys who were closer to my age, but none of them were remotely interesting…even though each one of them, in their own awkward way tried hitting on me.

Well…I guess I should say, that was my experience up until yesterday when the guys from the dueling pianos act showed up at our singles event. All three of them were super cute…and musicians (remember how I feel about musicians?? Yum!) and, as piano players, aren’t they pretty much guaranteed to have magic fingers? ;)

So, the four of us sat around chatting over our drinks…and I obviously hit it off with one of them more than the others and before I had to leave to meet my parents for dinner, he made sure that I’d be going to at that evening’s big party. Which I was.

After dinner, we met up at the party and danced together and then took a walk together on the main deck and ended up making out on the smaller, sunbathing deck which was by this point in the evening completely deserted.

Nothing “real” is going to happen with this guy. He works on a cruise ship, and lives such a different life from me.

Plus, this would be uber-long distance…and I can’t handle “long distance” when the guy is just an hour away.

Plus, we're not exactly in the same place, emotionally either...he’s still a little messed up from a relationship of his own that recently went sour. (Wow...that seems to be happening a lot these days).

Plus, unfortunately, the guy really didn't get any of my jokes. There were a lot of "oh, that was a joke, right" comments from him. Uhhh...yeah.

But, there was chemistry. Definitely, there was chemistry...

And, this is a cruise ship...

And I’m on vacation...

So, tonight we’re meeting up after he’s done with his dueling pianos performance of the night and we’ll see where this thing goes.

J: Cruisin’ with the 'rents

I’m sitting in an airport waiting for the flight that will take me to Miami and the start of my family’s Caribbean cruise.

This one is with my parents and my brother and I’m doing my very best to be excited about it. But the thing about family vacations when both kids are still single is that they can quickly rewind the clock 20 years and bring out the worst in everyone. It would be different if I was doing this with a husband and a kid….or just a husband…or even just a *boyfriend*. At least in that situation, I would still be seen as an adult by my parents.

But, we’ve never been on a cruise before. And it’s been a very very long time since our last family vacation. So, who knows, it might be fabulous. It might also be extremely frustrating.

I am planning to spend time with the family but I’m also really, really hoping for a nice “Love Boat” experience. It could happen, right? I hear that they have tons of singles events on board and surely other single guys who were dragged along will be looking for a little holiday romance as well, right?

And, luckily, I’m not sharing a room with my brother (although he will be next door…with the ‘rents just across the hall.)

I’ve had my November date and it’s not quite December yet so this would purely be a ‘bonus’ opportunity in regards to this challenge.

Who knows…anything can happen if I keep my mind open.

I specifically brought my computer along for blogging purposes....even though I won't be logging in due to the per-minute cost on the ship. So, while there will be some radio silence for awhile, hopefully I'll have a bunch of posts for you when this vacation is done.

Wait...or maybe I should hope that I don't blog at all since I'll be too busy having fun and won't have time to be on my computer at all.

Fingers crossed, friends...fingers crossed.

S: November Cup Update

And we have a winner!

The November Cup has been taken by Contender the Third!

At the start of the race, C3 had worked his way into the lead by being the only contender to have actually made mention of a social outing. And, only a few laps in, this contender earned a decisive victory by suggesting dinner early next week.

We went a few rounds about where we would eat, because I’m notoriously bad at choosing a restaurant, but the message exchange was actually quite fun. He plays along very well and we feel the same way about a lot of food related topics. This is promising for dinner conversation. We’ll see if he ends up being any better at in-person bantering than the last two Misters.

After the flurry of exchanges to get our plans hashed out, I found myself disappointed that there wouldn’t be more to discuss. What do you email about once the date has been made when the original intent of your messages was to get a date made? I didn’t want our exchanges to come to a screeching halt. I was having too much fun.

Good thing I’m a master of random crap. I threw out some odd topics of conversation and the banter continued. Until now. Because he left town for the weekend.

And now I kind of miss Contender the Third. The newly crowned Mr. November. I found myself looking forward to his responses to my random crap. He takes the bait I put out for him and he makes me laugh. And then sets out new bait for me.

I’m actually looking forward to our date as more than just a quota filler after the last week of back-and-forth. I didn’t feel a great connection during the group drinks last week, but now that the ice is broken and it will just be the two of us, perhaps things will flow a bit better. We both have a better sense of what can be discussed safely with the other and we have a little bit of shared history to get us going.

And wine. There will be wine. And martinis. This will definitely take the edge off. But not too much. It’s good to have a little edge. It’s much easier to keep one’s distance when sober.

So that’s it. The November Cup has been decided. I was sweating this one, but a worthy stallion has come through.

In a late breaking photo finish, Contender the First also suggested a get together for drinks not a couple of hours after I accepted Contender the Third’s dinner request. I’d rather have Contender the Fourth cross the finish line for December, but it looks like I’ll be able to keep C1 at the starting gate for an early take-off next month.

Then I have to figure out what to do with the remaining contenders.

S: The November Cup

I just checked the calendar…we are halfway through November. This worries me because I have yet to score any date plans. And I’m not sure I will. This month is running low on weekends and one of them is a holiday. Scheduling options are getting scarce.

I have a few Mr. Possibilities I’ve been working on, but I don’t know if any of them will hit the “go out” button in the next couple of weeks. Every one of them seems close, and yet…nothing. And I’m still in this place of feeling like I can’t do the asking because I think it makes the subsequent “I don’t want to get involved” chat more difficult. I mean, why do the asking if I’m not interested? How do I explain that?

So it’s going to be a race to the finish this month. Here are the 3 contenders for the title of Mr. November. At this point, they are neck-and-neck. And I may get left in the dust.

Contender the First -

There is a fella I’ve been exchanging messages with on my chosen dating site. He started the conversation by letting me know he was amused by my profile. Not the first time I’ve heard that, but if a guy says it in an interesting way, I’ll respond. He seems intelligent, can banter and hasn’t made any overt, disrespectful sexual remarks. My tactic with this contender is to keep encouraging talk of food preferences we have in common in order to work my way into a lunch or dinner invitation.

There are two major issues with C1. First, he’s still married. He’s listed himself as “separated.” I don’t know what this means, but right now I couldn’t be more done with dealing with Bitter Divorce Guys (BDGs). (To be fair, I haven’t yet sensed his bitterness, but I have yet to meet a divorced guy on the dating scene who isn’t). And if he’s not even actually divorced? He’s all kinds of potential train wreck. But, all I need is one date. One dinner and a kind “I can’t see getting involved while you’re still married and dealing with this crap.” Just one. This month. Like…now.

The other issue, you ask? He is currently out of the country. Yes…you read right…*out of the country*. Just as I was working my, get-him-to-ask-me-out-and-make-sure-he-thinks-it’s-his-idea magic, he sends a message saying he’s getting on a plane and crossing the pond. Great, I’m trying to get a date on the calendar in the next couple of weeks and he leaves the country. The good news is that he sent me a message from over seas. I was surprised by that effort. Definitely a sign of interest. I guess we’ll see what happens when he gets back. Just need that one date. You know…yesterday.

Contender Uno may be lagging behind the pack due to his relative proximity to me and any place we might go together.

Contender the Second -

There is another fella I’ve been conversing with on the same dating site. I sent him a random message a while back and finally got a response apologizing for the delay in reply. Again, just like Contender the First, he seems intelligent and fun to banter with, but I’m not that excited about him. He corrects me. Don’t correct me. That’s just rude. We have some grammar pet peeves in common, which gives us something to chat about, but I can’t deal with hanging out with a corrector. You spend too much time wondering if you’re saying the wrong thing and if he’s judging you. And then you have to try really hard not to correct in response to his corrections.

BUT, I just need the one date. It just doesn’t seem like he’s going to ask. We exchange friendly messages, but he doesn’t seem in any hurry to meet. He asks me what my plans are for the weekend, but then doesn’t really take it anywhere from there. I’ve started to believe that he will not be asking me out in time for him to be Mr. November. If at all.

Which, in reality, I don’t mind. I’m not very interested in him. Actually, if we did go out, I think the lack of spark/interest would be mutual. I think finally I would find myself in a situation in which we both know it’s not going any further and we’ll both be fine with it. (Also, I suspect he may be writing a secret blog about dating too…he’s not the dating site type.)

Even so, Contender the Second is picking up the rear with Contender the First at this point, due to his lack of a sense of urgency.

Contender the Third -

This contender has been added to the roster by more traditional means. He’s my second fix-up of the Date Club Challenge. Guy was the first fix-up, although a subtle one. Ok, he was more of an ambush, but I’m paying the price for it, so I don’t feel bad.

Anyway, a friend suggested a fix-up between me and a guy who works in her office and I told her I was o.k. with it, knowing full well I need to get a November on the books. So, she set up an after work drink get-together between the three of us and another friend. It went well. He’s a nice guy. Very congenial and polite. The four of us had some good conversation over some drinks and appetizers.

Buuuuut, no spark. My friend called right after, and before her phone died, I told her if he asked me out I would go, but that I didn’t feel any strong sparks flying around. Frankly, if he didn’t ask me out, I’d be fine. But we didn’t get to talk much, so maybe there’s more there.

Here’s the little bit of news she passed on to me during our brief post mortem chat…he’s getting divorced. Like, right now. His divorce is final this week. Again, he didn’t behave like a BDG, but he’s going through this as I type. He can’t be in a good place.

I suppose this isn’t a bad thing. It gives us both a safe reason not to get involved. No need to reject anyone personally. We have an “out.”

Back to the race. Contender the Third moved to the head of the pack today by being the only one to actually have suggested a social outing together. As is the modern custom, C3 friended me on Facebook a day or two after our fix-up and began a conversation. We’ve been having some fun going back and forth for a few days and both playing the “how can I create an ask-out situation without going out on a limb” game. It’s working.

I got a bit concerned when he said he was out of town for the next two weekends and how did December sound, but then he also added that we could possibly go out during the week. I made a push for during the week.

Place your bets on Contender the Third. He’s a few lengths ahead.

BUT WAIT! Another stallion has just entered the race.

Contender the Fourth –

The very thoughtful dating site will sometimes send me mate suggestions. Most of them are frightening. This one was not. This one is tasty. And he sent me a message. Yay! I do like hearing from the tasty ones.

He has some catching up to do and I’m not sure he’ll make it, but he does seem interested. He’s younger than I’d like. And, if we go out, I could see him being a bit cocky for my tastes, but he comes across as a nice guy in his messages and hasn’t gotten creepy yet. And no sign of a divorce.

And did I mention the tasty? Yum.

I don’t imagine he’ll catch up to the other contenders at this late date, but he might. He certainly has the confidence to. I won’t have to do a lot of encouraging. This is not a contender who gets shot down.

If he doesn’t win the November Cup, my bets are definitely on him for December.

So, the race is on. Four contenders. Two weeks. Can Sheila pull this one out or is she going to owe Mr. Piggy? Put on your best hat, sip your mint julep and sit back and enjoy the show.