J: Mr. Maybe October

I broke up with Mr. September on Thursday.

And this morning, I just made arrangements for a coffee date on Monday with the new Mr. October.

It looks like I’m not going to miss my October date after all. I’m not going to have to feed the piggy bank. I can maintain my perfect record for the year ‘o dating.

From the outside, there wasn’t a hiccup in this dating challenge at all.

From the outside, it’s almost as if Mr. September didn’t really mean anything more than Mr. August or Mr. February.

But he did.

From the inside, I’m still hurting & raw & still trying to understand why I wasn’t enough.

Granted, it made my ego feel a lot better to log back into OKCupid and find flocks of boys happy to see me back online…messaging me…chatting me up…asking me out. But is dating really a good idea when you consider that when my mind drifts to thoughts of Mr. September, I still get a little choked up?

I was supposed to be at church with Mr. September right now…at this very minute. It’s what we agreed to on Thursday night, during the lets-break-up-but-maybe-we-can-still-be-friends conversation. But after leaving his place, once I was on my own, I realized what a bad, bad idea "just friends" would be.

Going to church together and then lunch afterwards to discuss our thoughts and feelings around the pastor’s message? That’s pretty intimate. That’s not something that I would want to share with someone with whom I am trying not to expect to have any type of relationship at all.

So yesterday I texted letting him know that church wasn’t a good idea and that I’d be out late anyways and would most likely miss the early service that he was planning to attend. His response was “Okay, I hear ya…” Annnnd…that’s probably the end of Mr. September.

So…Hellllo Mr. October: cute, cute boy that I was flirting with pre-Mr. S. Apparently, he cooks. Bonus!

I don’t know if it’s a smart move but it’s what’s happening next. And, it has the added benefit of giving me something non-Mr. September to think about and look forward to.

And that is quite possibly exactly what I need right now.