I am way more sad than I should be.
My heart still hurts so badly.
It's been a week. Shouldn't I be over him by now?
All that I want is a phone call, a text, an email, hell...I'd take a post-it...saying that he misses me too...that his life is less bright without me in it.
Sheila reminds me that *I* was the one to reject *him*. Sometimes it helps. Sometimes it just makes me think I'm a fool. I am the reason for all of my own sadness, afterall. Maybe he could have figured out how to love me. Maybeeeee????
But I'm not ever going to get that phone call. And that makes me sad. Because (let's all say it together) He. Just. Not. That. Into. Me.
I've seen his picture change on OKCupid, which means he's actively looking again. So much for "I really shouldn't be dating anyone right now". Yeah. Right. A gal pal says "Good! You want him to see how awful it is out there!" And I try to agree with her. I do try.
But I miss him. I miss the hug that I could have right now....after a terrible, awful day at work. I miss the mini-traditions that we were building. I miss having Christmas to look forward to...and his birthday to plan for...and even just checking the weather to see if it will be a good weekend for the lake.
I let myself get too deep.
And now, look...I have two dates ahead of me. I should be excited. I should have hope.
Sunday night I have dinner plans with another guy from OKCupid. (Hopefully nothing happens to change that...since I'm really pushing against the "October" boundary.) And Tuesday, I have lunch plans with Mr. Car Accident (hopefully soon to be renamed Mr. November).
I should be looking forward to getting to know these new gents. But already, I judge them by what I know about them compared to what I could have had....if I hadn't gotten impatient. If I hadn't thought it was so dern important to be adored. If I could have settled for "good enough".
Ugh. I gotta wipe away my tears, end this pity party and get outta here. It's doing me no good to sit around and mope about what coulda-been.
My boots are calling to me. It's time to go dance away these blues.
But, in the meantime, if anyone knows the secret to learning how to stop waiting for the phone to ring....I would pay good money for that intel.
「ペアーズ(Pairs)でマッチング！」【※要注意】実はそのあとが重要なんです。
5 years ago
Posts
You did the right thing from what you've said, it shouldn't be hard to love you, it should just come naturally when it's right. You deserve someone to be crazy about you too with a goofy grin on their face too. Good luck moving on, and who knows, one of the Octobers may surprise you!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment and the reassurance that my move was the right one...it's so easy to second (third, fourth, etc.) guess. But when I go back and read my "I broke up with him" post, I can see it too.
ReplyDeleteSomeone told me that I loved the *idea* of Mr. September...that he was date #12...almost at the end of the year with the holidays approaching...and also everything good that he represented on paper. Maybe she was right. Probably she was right.
Whether I miss him or the idea of him, it still stings...and I guess that's to be expected. Being back in singleville is no fun.
But I can't forget, there are also advantages.
Now I actually have the opportunity to find someone who is crazy about me. I get another "first kiss". I get to have that thrill of falling all over again. With someone new. And hopefully someone with whom I'm all that much more compatible.
Time will tell.
I'm just impatient.