S: Un-Birthday

In case you are keeping score at home…he didn’t acknowledge my birthday.

BUT, he’s not a jerk. He had a very legitimate excuse (although, to hear him tell it, he didn’t). He had the wrong day. He thought it was Wednesday.

He didn’t forget, he just didn’t remember correctly.

This makes sense to me. It happens. And it totally explains the day. I mean, I really couldn’t understand what was going on. He’s not the kind of guy to forget a birthday. He’s very thoughtful. And he likes making plans for things, so he doesn’t just let stuff go by unnoticed.

This is why I couldn’t figure out why he never said anything all day. Of course, I probably should have said something, but I have this thing about telling people it’s my birthday. I don’t like to spend the day going around saying, “Hey! It’s my birthday! Celebrate me! Do things for me! Buy stuff for me! Love me!” If people notice…great, but I’m not going to make a thing about it. It’s just my birthday…there’s no reason to throw a parade.

So I just kept waiting and wondering when he was going to ask what I wanted to do that evening.

There was ample opportunity. He stopped by my house to pick up things he had brought for the weekend’s party (See? Thoughtful…he made the party even better with his table and tent and very fun party attitude the whole night.), but said nothing.

I told him a story from the day that included a bit about someone wishing me a happy birthday and still…not a glimmer.

Then he half-assed said something about seeing me later and drove off to make dinner for his son. Not…a…word.

Again, I didn’t want to make a deal about it, but after he drove away, I got more disappointed than I expected to. I was actually sad. So, knowing full well that when I saw him later he would wonder why I was not my usual self, I figured I better tell him what was going on. I sent him a text telling him it was my birthday.

He immediately felt bad and apologized and told me that for some reason he had Wednesday in his head. Between phone calls from my family, I texted him that it was o.k. and not a big deal. It happens.

But he still didn’t make any plans. There was no invitation to come over right away to do something to make up for it. So, when my girlfriends, who I had blown off for dinner in case I had birthday plans, twisted my arm to join them, I went.

This caused trouble. He never received my last response telling him that I understood how a mistake can be made in the first year. He thought I was mad and being silent. And then I was silent for hours. Next thing he hears is that I spent the evening with the girls. Instead of him. He thought I was punishing him.

I wasn’t. That never occurred to me. I just wanted to do something so I wasn’t at home being disappointed. And I didn’t know he hadn’t received my text. In fact, in my world, I hadn’t heard from him for hours. I thought that somehow now I had done something wrong.

Then it got messy.

Although, you’d be proud, I held my own and didn’t even need my usual discussion lag time to respond to his points. For once I felt like I was at his level. This probably shouldn’t seem like a victory, but I really feel like I’m growing.

We talked. I almost walked. We talked some more. And we got it all straightened out.

Here’s the problem, text messages seem easy and convenient, but we so often miscommunicate through them and miss them altogether sometimes if they’re delayed, that our reliance on them gets in the way. Usually, you can trace frustrations we have back to misread or never received messages.

And we know this. Yet we still do it.

The good thing is we always work through it until we get to the bottom of it and realize where it all went south. This time was no different. We just kept at it until we both got to say what we were feeling AND feel like the other understood our perspective.

And then it was done.

And, hey, text messages aren’t all bad. This morning I was sent a very enthusiastic “I love you!” Nothing to misread there.