S: Of Birthdays and Such

So, today is my birthday. This has not been mentioned by a certain someone. I’m wondering if it will go unnoticed.

It’s really o.k. if it does, I mean, it’s just a day, right? And lots of other people have wished me a good day. I even got a free lunch. That should be enough. Yes? It shouldn’t matter if it’s just a Monday in his world. He’s got a lot going on. I know I’m not the center of his universe.

But still…celebrating special days can be so great when you have someone to celebrate with. Which makes it more of a downer when that someone doesn’t realize it’s a special day.

I’ve said it here before, the actual day of my birth is rarely a very good day, so it’s always better if I don’t think it’s going to be. I can’t be disappointed if my expectations are low.

This means that today is merely Monday, June 21^st. The first day of Summer. That is all. Happy solstice to you!

O.k., that’s out of the way, now for the "such" indicated in the title.

We had a doozy of a fight on Friday night. I’m no good at fights. I can’t argue. Really, I can’t. I’m completely incapable. It seems like a simple skill but I’m usually so surprised by what’s being reacted to or brought up that I can’t come up with quick responses.

I’m a lover, not a fighter. And by “lover,” I mean “bottler.” I won’t start a fight. I’ll just bottle the feelings up until they turn my soul into Swiss cheese. I avoid a conflict at all costs. All.

I realize this is unhealthy. I never said it was good. It just is what it is. But I’m trying to get better.

Of course, it doesn’t help that he is very adept at fighting. He starts talking to me like I’m a child and arguing me into corners by asking leading questions that have only one answer. And before I realize it, he’s shut me up while completely missing the point of everything.

I hate that I can’t fight. Always have.

This time I didn’t give up once I got cornered. It took me a few minutes, but I called him and made my point when I was able to think straight. Then, being very angry and not finished, I got in my car and drove to his house to do the thing that was the catalyst for the fight in the first place.

He wasn’t so happy about this. Nor did I expect him to be. Nor did I care. I was mad. I don’t usually express my anger, so I was kind of proud of myself for doing so.

The good thing is that, unlike in the past, I know that a fight is just a fight. It doesn’t mean we should not be together. And this one blew over quickly. I think he was over it faster than I was. The next morning, I wasn’t sure if we were on speaking terms or not. I couldn’t take it anymore so I sent him a text. Turns out everything was good.

So, apparently, you can fight and be mad and still be o.k.

Unless birthdays are forgotten. Then there’s trouble.

And lastly, this weekend is Jimmy Buffett weekend. On Friday (the work gods willing), we will endure a 5 hour road trip in order to spend the weekend maintaining a good buzz, hanging with friends and enjoying some cheeseburgers in paradise.

What’s fun about this, aside from being a weekend of debauchery, is that this is a date that he asked me on within the first couple of weeks of us going out. At the time it seemed dangerous to imagine we would still be seeing each other that far in the future. It also seemed strange that he would ask me on such a road trip when we had only been dating a couple of weeks. He must have been very confident about us.

And I suppose he was right. Just don’t tell him I said so.

Anyway, hopefully I have excellent stories of good times for you next week.