Clearly I was the only one who had been looking forward to it. He definitely was not. He’s been struggling a little bit with the whole age thing. I have assured him that he is very much still in his prime, but even so…a big number looms in the not-distant-enough future.
I had some plans for the day. I wanted to make it special for him. I love birthdays. I love making birthdays a good day for people. I have fun finding the right gift and planning how the day will go.
But sometimes the day doesn’t go as planned. And then I get disappointed, even though it’s not my birthday.
This day did not start well. A typical frustration over a typical event (topic for a later blog). Not at all what I had in mind or planned for starting the day. So, I tossed his first gift at him unceremoniously. It wasn’t the big gift…although, big for me. It was a key to my house. He now has unfettered access to my domain.
I trust him, so I’m totally o.k. with it. Really…I am. But it’s still a big step for me.
I left shortly thereafter, in a dour mood. Feeling bad about the way his day started and wondering why we were in a funk. Things had been a little weird for a few days. Both of us inexplicably on edge and overly sensitive about things.
Perhaps our cycles have synced up.
I left a card in his car for him and went home feeling down. I waited for the text telling me he had seen the card. Would he say anything? I wasn’t sure. He’d been rather annoyed with me.
But it finally came. And was sweet. And included love.
Phew. The day was getting better.
Shortly after, I sent the 2nd gift. We had been talking about a website as kind of a joke, so I actually purchased the domain and set up a blog site for him. I wasn’t sure I was going to get it done in time, but I figured out a simple way to do it and actually got it up while at his house the night before (with him peeved at me in the other room).
I wasn’t sure when he would see the email, knowing he often gets caught up in meetings during his work day. Still, I waited. What would he think? Would it be funny to him? Would he even notice?
Not too long later, his reply showed up in my inbox. He thought I was cute and crazy. Which is a fair assessment.
Excellent…gift 1: success; card: success; gift 2: success. Even with the bad start, perhaps I could make the day o.k. If I didn’t screw anything up.
But the day was still young and there was plenty of time for me to screw things up.
I had plans for seeing him and having some fun together after work. And more and more I was getting the impression that he did not have the same plans. So I sent an email specifically describing the evening I wanted to treat him to.
No reply.
His son had a game in the early evening that I had been hoping to go to, but I know how Guy feels about awkwardness with me and his ex at the same event. So I had been told not to worry about going to the game. Under the guise of giving me the time to do other things. As if a favor to me.
Uninvited. Some favor.
Not going to the game was quite disappointing. Fortunately, the final verdict came down while I was on the elliptical, so I was able to sweat out my frustration. I’m pretty sure I sweated out frustrations I haven’t even had yet. But I still felt bad.
Of course, I had to remind myself that the day is not about me or what I want to do…it’s about him.
I had hoped to take Guy out for dinner and drinks after his son’s game, but at some point, he texted that he was eating. Ok…no dinner. Also, he had been to the doctor and is not supposed to drink. Ok…no drinks. Or participate in any strenuous activity. Ok…no fun stuff.
Not at ALL what I was hoping his day would turn out to be.
But it’s not about me.
Eventually he told me he would just call me after the game and let me know what he wanted to do and when he wanted me to come over. I got the impression that I was not on the top of his list for the evening. Here I wanted to show him a good time and he had other things to do.
I had come home early to get my workout in and his final gift ready and left the evening open for him. Now I had nothing to do. And I was feeling back-burnered.
His birthday…his plans. Getting over it.
So I waited.
Then the call came. Instead of putting me off for a while, which is what I was expecting, he wanted me to head over right away. This was good. He wanted to see me, and not as an afterthought.
Back on the upswing.
I hurriedly got my stuff together and left. Then turned around and went back to feed my cats. And left again. Then turned around and went back to get my phone. And finally left a third time, for good.
I had one stop to make…for a birthday treat, because no good birthday is complete without a treat. Of course, apparently it was everyone’s birthday because the place was packed full of people picking up treats.
Tick tock.
I had caused trouble with Guy by being delayed in getting to his place the night before (getting a gift for him, of course), so I wasn’t really interested in a replay. Not this day. Not after things were getting good again.
Finally, I made it to his house. He was in a way better mood than he had been that morning. He even apologized for being a crabbypants when we woke up. I gave him gift number three, which was deemed to be too expensive, but was actually much better received than I expected. That means he liked it.
Gift giving skills…still got it.
The evening was laid back and I surprised him with his final gift…his delicious, frozen dairy birthday treat that took me way too long to get at the store. It was much appreciated and seemed to hit the spot. And explained my tardiness in a sugary, well-worth-it way.
And then I messed up. In a huge way. In a way I mess up all the time. In the way I have been messing up for three days straight. The one thing I had intended to do for him all along…bookending the day, I did not do. Because…I can’t even explain why. This caused a rather negative discussion the following morning. (Again, the subject of that future blog.) And basically, ended his birthday, the day I had wanted to make special, badly. Like, I’ll-never-hear-the-end-of-it badly.
He says he had a good day. He liked his gifts and appreciates what I did for him. But the absence of this one thing is disappointing to both of us and definitely what we will both always remember about our first birthday experience together. And it was my fault. And I have no idea how to ever make up for it.
Maybe for my birthday he’ll leave a skinned puppy on my front step and we’ll be even.
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