J: Deep Thoughts From the Movies

Just watched the movie “Up in the Air" and was really struck by the following scene:

Natalie, in her mid-20’s is bemoaning the loss of the jerk she had been dating. She’s having a conversation with Alex, who is somewhere in her late 30’s/40’s

Alex: You really thought this guy was the one.

Natalie: Yeah, I guess. I don’t know. I could have made it work. He just really fit the bill.

Alex: The bill?

Natalie: My type. You know, white collar. College grad. Loves dogs. Likes funny movies. Six foot one. Brown hair. Kind eyes. Works in finance but is Outdoorsy, you know, on the weekends.

I always imagined he’d have a single syllable name like Matt or John or…Dave. In a perfect world, he drives a Four Runner and the only thing he loves more than me is his golden lab.

Ooh…and a nice smile.

How about you?

Alex: Huh, let me think it over for a sec.

Well...by the time you’re thirty four, all the physical requirements are pretty much out the window. I mean you secretly pray he’ll be taller than you.

Not an asshole would be nice? Just someone who enjoys my company. Comes from a good family - You don’t think about that when you’re younger.

(thinking)

Wants kids…Likes kids…Wants kids. Healthy enough to play catch with his future son one day.

Please let him earn more than I do. That doesn’t make sense to you now, but believe me, it will one day. Otherwise it’s just a recipe for disaster.

Hopefully some hair on his head…? But it’s not exactly a deal-breaker anymore.

Nice smile… Yep, a nice smile might just do it.

Natalie: Wow. That was depressing.

I should just date women.

Alex: Tried it. We’re no picnic ourselves.

Natalie: I don’t mind being married to my career, and I don’t expect it to hold me in bed as I fall asleep. I just don’t want to settle.

Alex: You’re young. Right now you see settling as some sort of failure.

Natalie: It is. By definition.

Alex: Don’t worry, by the time someone is right for you, it won’t feel like settling…And the only person left to judge you will be the twenty four year old girl with a target on your back.

Annnnnnd, scene.

So...why am I sharing this? Why did it strike such a chord with me?

I think that for a while now, I've been struggling with the thought of "settling". I've been looking back on how much my expectations of the "perfect guy" have changed. Something in this dialogue has captured the essence of how I've been feeling lately, much more eloquently than I've been able to express.

While it's depressing that my expectations have changed so much through the years, I can also see that they're much more realistic than the ideals that I held in my teens and in my twenties.

I really like that last line...that it won't feel like settling, once I find whoever "he" is.

From the vantage point that I'm sitting at right now, that's hard to see. I have to just have faith that when the time comes, it will honestly be the case.