J: A Sunflower

My second date with Mr. April was FANTASTIC…and definitely a 'date'!

By his suggestion, we met at a really nice restaurant in my part of town…not a part generally known for it’s great date spots. Also, an area of town far, far away from his area of town.

When I showed up, he was already there, waiting at the bar. He gave me a big hug and handed me a sunflower. A SUNFLOWER! Not a rose, not a carnation, not a tulip or a wildflower or an orchid. A sunflower! How sweet, how thoughtful, how….perfect!

Dinner was fantastic! I’ve been to that restaurant a number of times, but just for lunch. Dinner at the same spot felt very different…more fancy, more intimate, more luxurious and completely delicious. Dinner took a couple of hours and the conversation and laughter flowed. When we finally left, we took a bit of a walk that ended up in a grassy area. We sat down in the middle of it and chatted some more.

Several hours later, we were still talking, but by then we were laying on our backs, watching the stars and the clouds cross the sky.

There was no hand holding, there was no kiss at the end of the date but there was a certain closeness and intimacy in our conversation. If I’m being honest, I’m a little relieved that the physical stuff didn‘t happen on that date. The night was PERFECT, just as it was.

We get along so well. I enjoy talking with him, I enjoy his perspective and his views on everything we talked about. I just enjoy being with him. It’s so…easy.

There are still a couple of lingering issues. And honestly, while they’re not a big deal right now, in the long term, (if there's a long term) they could turn pretty big.

As of the day of our date, he no longer has a job. He decided that he can’t work in a cube environment so he gave notice and quit. With no back up plan. But, he is looking for something new now and talked about wanting to find something that will let him be creative while still paying the bills. It’s scary, though, to think about the long term. I would love to do the same thing, myself, but I have a mortgage to pay.

From what I can tell, I think that he’s really struggling right now to find his passion and his real place in the work world. In the past, I’ve dated guys in a similar place. It’s tough…really, really tough. Especially since I’ve found my place and am making decent money on my own. From our initial conversations though, it sounds like his isn’t really a motivation issue so much as a struggle to find a meaningful way to spend his days. He’s actually searching for that next job. And in the meantime, he’s not just sitting around idle. He’s keeping his days full, volunteering with various groups: Habitat for Humanity, his church’s homeless shelter ministry, etc. Which I respect.

There also was the issues of him not having a car. With all of that discussion, we didn’t actually talk about the “why” behind the no-car way of life. That conversation will happen on another day. But isn’t there something also to respect about someone who can figure out his way around town without the expense & hassle & debt usually involved in owning a vehicle?

I’m also kindof thinking his suggestion to meet in my area of town, and to come by and pick me up for the date was strategic. It proved to me that while he doesn’t have a vehicle, himself, he obviously has access to a car and a way to get where he needs to go without actually posessing one on his own.

So, all in all, I’d put this date into the entirely successful category. I felt completely and totally respected and cared for. He actually researched my area of town and found a great place for dinner. He was willing to flex with my schedule. And, he also thought ahead enough to go out and buy me a sunflower.

That sunflower meant the world to me. It made me feel cherished and it made me feel special and it made me feel so...feminine. It’s amazing what such a small gesture can mean…it truly touched my heart! (Take note, all you men who happen to be reading this!) ;)

Also, there was the “who pays” issue. If you remember, I was the one who asked him out on our first date. That time, he picked up our movie tickets and I paid for dinner. He wanted to pay for it all, and then offered to split it but I insisted on at least getting dinner. Since I asked HIM, I just couldn’t let him pay for the entire night! “Hey, wanna go out on a date…and by the way, you’re going to be paying for the everything.” Nope, couldn’t do it!

Well, this time, he was the one to insist…and I let him pay...without argument, but with much gratitude.

We ended the date saying that we’d stay in touch and get together again, in a couple of weeks, since I’ll be out of town next weekend. (It's a long overdue weekend with Elle actually…woohoo! Can‘t wait!)

However, since then, we’ve already gone back and forth via texts a few times and yesterday I got a fun butt-dial voice mail from him, where I could hear saws and hammers and other Habitat for Humanity noises in the background. It made me giggle a bit.

I’ve also heard from the friend who initially introduced us. She texted me that she saw him at a party last night and that he said that he had a good time on our date too…and that we’d talk tomorrow. That wait for tomorrow is going to kill me! I can’t wait to hear what he told her about it.

So, I’m doing my best right now to try to keep my excitement from growing bigger than it should be. I have my May date coming up next week and I’m keeping an open heart and mind for that one as well. Besides, I have that insane dance schedule this month to keep me distracted.

But, every time I see that sunflower sitting on my kitchen counter, it sure does makes me smile.