This story begins in the fancy bread isle of a friendly neighborhood grocery store. There I am…33 years old, divorced 6 years and still not in a real relationship…or even with the possibility of a relationship in sight. Up walks a cute red-headed guy…nice and tall, dressed as though he was stopping by the store on his way home from work, no ring. I glanced over at him again and noticed he was glancing at me. There was a moment of eye contact and a shared grin and I then I quickly grabbed my loaf of fancy bread and RAN AWAY! Seriously…I ran. I had a few more things I had to pick up so I couldn’t actually flee the store but when I saw Mr. Cute Red Hair in the meat isle, I swerved to pick up cheese. When I saw him in the tomato isle, I realized that I had an urgent need to get a new box of cheerios…etc. It wasn’t until after I had walked out of the store that I realized what I had done. I had just had a moment of connection with someone….someone CUTE…and I had avoided any further contact. Why? WHY?
The next night at dinner with one of my (married) friends, we dissected the encounter. Since my divorce, I’ve had a few relationships. A couple of the relationships were semi-serious and a couple were nothing more than an evening or two out, but that was about it. I honestly haven’t really ‘dated’ that much ever in my life. I met my ex-husband in college around age 19 and spent the majority of my 20’s in a miserable marriage. So…finding myself divorced at 27, I had to figure out the rules of the game all over again. Plus, at that point I had quite a bit of healing that I still needed to do before I could hope to be healthy enough to trust my heart to anyone new. Add to this my mother’s preaching (since I was 16) that you should “never date someone you wouldn’t marry”. That eliminates quite a few guys who could have been dates but never turned into more than friends since “I would never be able to handle being married to someone who did/said/thought that. “
Back at dinner with my friend…I realized that the reason I had run away from Mr. Cute Red Hair was because I was scared of what he would say and what I would say back. I didn’t know how to dance this dance. A stranger has never bought me a drink in a bar before and I’ve never even had a cute boy ask for my phone number. My friend’s response to all of this was “What better time to learn & who better to practice on than the cute red haired boy in the fancy bread aisle. If you mess up, WHO CARES, you’ll probably never see him again.” [Bing] A lightbulb went on. Yeah! Of course! The question now was: how do I get there? Her brilliant plan ---and her challenge to me was to go out with one new guy per month for an ENTIRE YEAR! (Eek!) There was NO way that I’d commit to that! If my track record of the past 6 years was any indication, there was NO way that I could get that many dates, …was there?
I tossed and turned and thought about the idea all that night and found myself getting more and more excited. To be successful at this challenge I would have to adopt a completely different way of looking at all of those single boys out there. I would have to change the way that I interacted with men and the way that I looked at the world around me. I would have to change my expectations. I would have to be willing to go waaaaay outside of my comfort zone. And most of all, I would have to just lighten up about the whole process: one date does not mean you should start figuring out names for your children.
Ultimately…what did I have to lose? An hour or so per month, if the date was a dud? A bit of pride if I was rejected? That’s not so costly if it meant maybe (just maybe) finally meeting that elusive “one”. But, realistically, even if Mr. Wonderful didn’t show up I was still guaranteed to a.) get some good stories out of the experience, b.) learn a lot about myself, c.) figure out this dating thing finally (really…what are you supposed to do if a boy buys you a drink?) and c.) hopefully have a lot of fun throughout the process. Mmm….what’s that I feel stirring deep inside? Is it…could it be… HOPE ?
The next morning, bright and early, I called my friend…first of all to complain about my sleepless night, but mainly to tell her that I was IN! I would accept her challenge! We decided that the challenge would start the very next month. (Eek!) And, lo and behold, on the first of the month, like magic, I got a call from my first date…one that my friend had kindly rounded up for me the night before.
All this seemed like such a brilliant plan that I really had no choice but to pull my brave, daring, beautiful, single, outgoing friends, Elle & Sheila into the challenge. It took a little bit of arm twisting but here we all are.
Who knows what will happen this year. A year can seem so long, when you’re looking at it lying ahead of you, clean and new. But years have a sneaky way of flying by when you’re looking back. When I think about it, honestly, it freaks me out a bit. 12 is a big number! I have such a hard time dealing with confrontation. This challenge, by its very nature, means rejections…TWELVE OF THEM! Either they will be mutual rejections (please God!), the boy rejecting me or (worst of all, in my book) me having to reject HIM! Yuck. There’s nothing about any of that that seems the least bit appealing. So, knowing that, why even sign up?
For me, (darn it, I feel so anti-feminist for even admitting this) ultimately, I really would love to find the “love of my life”, my “soul mate” my “Mr. Right”, my “life partner”, my “knight in shining armor”—whatever ooey, gooey phrase you want to use. My divorce left me cynical enough that I have a hard time believing all this “happily ever after” crap actually exists. However, the little girl in me who used to wear pink princess dresses and play “wedding” desperately wants to be proven wrong. I think that we all long for happiness and when I dig past the cynicism and look into the depths of my heart, I must admit that I DO still hope for that perfect marriage and the house with the white picket fence. I DO want those 2.7 kids and the dog and the minivan. (Okay, maybe not the minivan.) But really, right now, it’s about time for a little bit of fun. I’m all healed up from my divorce, ready to step out into the unknown and looking forward to meeting new people that I might not have ever given a chance in the past. I’m ready to break out of my shell and learn how to approach the ones that catch my eye. I’m ready to learn how to flirt my little heart out. I’m ready to meet vice presidents and sous chefs and jocks and nerds and weirdos and players and nice guys and rich boys and waiters and hotties and cute red headed guys with sweet smiles who buy fancy bread and anyone else that this experience flings at me. I’m ready to have plans on Friday AND Saturday night. And I’m ready for someone to finally buy me a drink in a bar, darn it!
So….whadaya say? Want to join me on my journey?
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment