S: Mr. October's Second Chance

Have you ever been on a date and been telling your date about a job you interviewed for that you really hoped you would get and then, at that very moment, actually gotten the call about said job only to hear that you did not get it...while on your date?

Well now I can say I have.

Yes, Mr. October got to witness poor Sheila not getting a job she really needed to get. And he got to witness her putting on her smile mask and doing her best to enjoy the afternoon and not be completely freaked out about every aspect of her life.

Hopefully he was impressed by the show.

This was our date number two. My automatic second chance afforded to any guy who isn’t a jerk who seems like he may deserve a chance after date number one. There is always hope for date number two, but never much expectation.

The first thing I noticed was that he seemed more attractive this time. I don’t know why, but he did. His hair was different. And he seemed more relaxed. This time I was pleasantly surprised to find myself thinking, “Hmmmm…not too shabby.”

We had lunch at a place I suggested where he had never eaten. This time, it was my turn to provide him with his first experience somewhere. And then I had to be difficult and order something that wasn’t on the lunch menu. I tried to be really charming about it so he wouldn’t think I was all Meg Ryan in “When Harry Met Sally.”

Lunch wasn’t bad. Well…except for the part when I found out I didn’t get the job I needed to get and got all distracted and worried about paying bills. Other than that, we did o.k. at conversation. It was still a little bit of work, but again, it seemed like he was more relaxed and talked more. I didn’t feel like I was so much in the spotlight.

And he was so sympathetic about the job.

After lunch we went to see an exhibit at a museum that we were both interested in. This is actually a pretty good early date activity. There is ample opportunity to talk to each other, but other stuff to focus on to keep the silence from feeling awkward. And an exhibit provides good topics of conversation and an opportunity to learn things about each other that may not necessarily come out in chats over meals.

The exhibit was very interesting and the date went better than I expected it would. It felt more comfortable. It also went on way longer than I thought it would. In fact, we were there for hours. Poor Mr. October had to run out and feed our meters twice. He refused to allow me to go take care of my own.

By the time we got done at the exhibit, it was dinner time. He asked if I was hungry and wanted to grab another bite with him. I was preoccupied about the job thing and had a million things to do at home, so I hesitated, but then I figured why not. If he wants to buy me dinner, we might as well see how this goes. Why not have one of those dates that just goes on for hours? Even if I'm aware that it's going on for hours and not surprised by that fact later.

We got to his car first as we were walking and discussing further plans. We decided on a dinner place and he handed me something he had for me in his car. This time he had brought me two red roses.

Awww. Sweet.

I accepted them gladly. I have to admit, he was making what could have been a rather sucky afternoon much better.

We met back up at our chosen dinner spot and sat down for another meal. Again, the conversation was o.k., but we still found it somewhat difficult to come up with things to talk about. It didn’t seem interminable or anything. Just, you know, not comfortable like old friends.

We got done eating and he wanted to do more. I just couldn’t. I really needed to get home and set my mind at ease about my life. I was just too preoccupied. I apologized for that and he was very understanding. We stood in the parking lot and made that sort of goodbye conversation you make when someone isn’t quite ready to go but there’s nothing left to do.

He was obviously trying to assess the situation and whether or not he should kiss me. If my non-verbal communication was any clue, the answer was that he should not. I am so not ready for that and I thought I did a good job of keeping my hands very clearly to myself the whole time so he wouldn’t get any ideas.

He hugged me twice and then gave me a kiss on the cheek. I’m glad I didn’t have to refuse anything more. That always sucks.

Later that evening, as I was at home not having the best time, he texted that he had been trying to figure out if he should kiss me and hoped that he hadn’t made me uncomfortable. I replied that he hadn’t made me uncomfortable but that it was good he didn’t do anything more.

I told him that it was difficult to explain in a text but it is very early and I don’t know where I am with all of this and things are rather complicated for me right now.

He sent one word: Understood.

Then nothing more from him.

Later, feeling bad about my distraction in the afternoon and the fact that it really had helped being with him, I told him he had made what could have been a very bad afternoon rather good.

I got another single word reply: Ditto.

It was unusual for him not to send more. Oh well. There goes Mr. October.

The next morning I felt bad so I texted and asked if I had scared him away. He said that of course I hadn’t. We exchanged a few more messages about nothing in particular and then he sent a message saying that whoever I’m hung up on needs to get smart and realize what a gem I am.

He totally called it. Out of nowhere. I’m not sure how he came to that conclusion, but he certainly hit the nail on the head. And I was relieved. He gets it. And he understands.

We’re still communicating, although I still don’t know where my head is. He has assured me he’s not looking for someone to be a mom for his kids, just someone to hang out with. And yet, the way he talks to me, I feel like just hanging out with him will lead him on.

But it’s so good to have a distraction. And somebody who might be able to help me fix my snowblower.

He hasn’t asked to see me again. And that’s probably good. I haven’t had to make any refusal. But, I suppose the next time we get together, if there is a next time, it should be to chat about me not wanting to get involved with anyone. And then he has to decide if that means he wants to fade back into the ether.

He’s a good guy. He shouldn’t waste his time on me while I try to get my life to settle down.

Despite the roses and compliments, I don’t see this going anywhere. I can’t imagine having strong feelings for him. I can’t see us down the road.

So when and how do I get out of the car?