S: Co-Dependent? Depends.

Recently, the question on my mind is "Has Miss Sheila become co-dependent?"

I don't want to be co-dependent, because it seems like an unhealthy way to live, so I do my best to remain independent. But I'm not sure I would really know if I were co-dependent. I don't know that I actually have a firm grasp of the term.

The Sheila/Guy thing has raged on for nearly 4 months now and here's what's happening...I find myself needing to see him every day. O.k., I'm not climbing onto ledges or anything, but I have to admit to the fact that my day kinda goes in the crapper if I know I'm not going to get to see him at some point.

Is this wrong? Is this right? Is this crazy? Is this normal? Is this something only a crushed-out, twitterpated, 13-year-old girl should admit to feeling? (Full disclosure: I just texted him that I missed him because I haven't heard from him in a while. Shall I have my head examined?)

I know I should *want* to see him, duh...he's my boyfriend. I mean we haven't run off and gotten married, so of course I still want to spend time with him. The question is *how much* should I want to be with him? Should my mood be so affected by whether or not I'll have the opportunity to see him on any given day? Should a large percentage my personal well-being and positive frame of mind depend on getting to see my boyfriend? Is this how mature people have relationships or am I a teenager trapped in the body of a...very young and spry...30 something?

On the other hand, and possibly worse yet, what happens when the day arrives that my mood is not affected by whether or not I'll see him? Is that the end of the line? Is it all or nothing? Co-dependent or single?

Am I co-dependent because he makes me happy? Or is the true sign of co-dependence an inability to function when not in his presence? I'm pretty sure I can still have a life without him, it just wouldn't be as...well...good. Is my goofy grin a physical manifestation of an unhealthy attachment, or simply a reason to get some more Pearl Cream to smooth out those laugh lines?

And so, if I am co-dependent, what do I do? How do I stop it? Do I back off (which sounds like a terrible idea)? Do I stay the course and remain co-dependent?

I don't know. I'm clueless.

What I do know is that it doesn't feel like anything is wrong. I don't feel like our relationship is unhealthy.

Maybe I need someone to hand me a craft fair style "If It Ain't Broke, Don't Fix It" sign so I'll shut the (expletive deleted) up. As far as I'm concerned, there's no reason to go looking for trouble. I refuse to be a couplecondriac...finding issues where there are none.

You know what, world? I have a boyfriend. He is fantastic. I love spending time with him. If I could spend every minute of every day with him I would. I can't, and that's fine. I'll just spend the other minutes thinking about the minutes when I am with him. I will text him when I miss him and I will smile in a silly, head-over-heels way when he replies that he misses me too (which he did...and I did). And if that makes me co-dependent, so be it. It feels good. Dammit.