J: Anniversary

Were it not for my divorce, today is the day that I would have been married for 12 years. TWELVE!

We couldn’t quite make it through five.

This year, today doesn’t hold the depression and the sorrow that it has held in the past. In years past, I have dreaded this day’s arrival on the calendar. But this year I didn’t even realize it was “today” until I was more than half way through the day and happened to see the date.

While I’ve been divorced for longer than I was married for awhile now, this year is the year that I’ve now been divorced for longer than I was with my ex, counting the dating years. Luckily, for the most part, he very rarely shows up in my thoughts and my dreams anymore. But, the years it took to get to this place weren’t easy.

I think the thing that bothers me the most about today now is that I’m not where I expected to be after this many years.

Statistics say that if you marry less than two years after divorce, the rate of second divorce goes up to 80%. When my divorce happened, the thought of waiting two whole years before my next relationship seemed impossible. How was I supposed to wait that long? How was I supposed to be all alone for that long? Surely, before 2 years were up, I’d have found someone and just be waiting for that magical two year gate to pass.

Instead, seven years later, I’m still single. However, looking back, I can recognize that I’m also infinitely happier today than I was two…five…even ten years ago.