S: Forgetting My Mojo

Guy sort of called me out for regularly questioning why he's with me. Apparently I've been doing that (not in so many words, but the gist is there) a lot lately...mostly without realizing it.

This is not good. This seems poisonous. This needs to stop.

Seriously, what if I bring this up enough times that he starts to wonder himself? That would be bad.

So I wondered what has these thoughts in my head. Why have I lost my mojo when it comes to Guy? Why don't I know what it is that makes him want to be with me?

Part of it is my own issues. I've never felt worthy of anyone. And I think I'm such a weirdo that I don't know how anyone can really spend their time with me. Except that I sometimes say funny things. And I have good hair.

But I also think he doesn't tell me what he likes about me as much anymore. Early on there was a lot of talk of why he was interested in me and what made him want to go out with me and that seems to have subsided. Which, I suppose, stands to reason as things progress.

Except I miss it.

I guess I need validation.

I shouldn't need validation.

So I'm going to get over myself. Instead of worrying about what Guy loves about me, I'm going to focus on what I love about him. I'm going to validate him. Doing that should not allow time or mind space for me to wonder about his feelings for me.

Instead of being concerned about how he reacts to me when I see him or communicate with him, I'm going to pay attention to how I react to him. What choice will he have when I greet him excitedly upon arrival but to respond in kind? I shouldn't waste time questioning why he doesn't come to the door, I should spend the time making him want to come to the door.

Introspective is not interesting or enticing. He's not interested in my interest in me, he's interested in my interest in him. And I know this because this is how I feel. If my desire is for his focus to be on me, then my focus should be on him.

And then, maybe that will inspire reciprocity. Even just subconsciously. If I make the environment one of compliments and pleasure in the other person and "that's something I love about you"s, then that is what I will find myself surrounded by. Yes?

Who knows? I don't. But, if nothing else, I'm sure making him feel good will just make him want to be with me even more. I mean, who wouldn't want to be with someone who loves them for everything they are?

And any time I can find a way to get over myself and focus on someone else is always a bonus.

So no more worrying about what he's thinking about me. If I find myself having these thoughts, I will replace them with thoughts about what I think of him.

Besides, I know what he's thinking about me...he's thinking I'm fabulous. And hot.