J: Heartbroken

Over the past few weeks I haven't been able to be online much and haven't really been focused on dating at all. I’ve been dealing with the ever worsening health of my beloved best friend of 12 years…my sweet, sweet pup.

Despite my commitment to this challenge, if I hadn’t gotten my March date in early, it wouldn’t have happened. I haven’t had the energy, ability, focus or desire to deal with anything but making sure my pup was as comfortable and pain-free as possible. Earlier this week he was at the point that I had no choice but to make the hardest decision I’ve ever faced…and for his sake alone, I finally made the impossible call to let him go.

This precious pup has been with me through so many years of joy and tears. A month after graduation from college (weeks after returning from my honeymoon) he came into my life and has been a constant source of love, comfort, company, entertainment, and security ever since.

He was there for my move from my home state to this southern one. His reassuring presence was there to offer kisses and comfort when my dream marriage turned into the nightmare of divorce. He was there as I raised, loved and then had to let go of another beloved 4-legged friend. No matter how late I got home, he’s the one who was always at the door to greet me with a huge doggy grin and tail wagging at 50 mph. He’s fiercely guarded my house from all the dangerous squirrels, neighborhood cats and anyone that might have the gall to walk by his front window or back fence. He kept me feeling safe at night when I was home all alone. He was the one that I said “Goodnight, sleep well, sweet dreamies” to before turning off the light and “Have a good day, be good, I love you” to when I left in the morning. We've howled at sirens together and he’s ‘helped’ me with my diet. He’s been my road trip buddy and navigator on countless visits back to my home state. He’s been my alarm clock…stealthily sneaking into my bed in the morning for a cuddle, before reminding me that I really should get up, get moving and go open the back door, for goodness sake! He’s kept me safe during walks through the neighborhood late at night. He's exhausted the squeeker out of hundreds of toys and has fetched balls for hours upon end. And best of all…he’s always found everything about me completely fascinating and absolutely wonderful…following me from room to room and patiently listening to my stories & chatter, while also being equally happy to just sit by me silently when I need company or kissing away my tears when I'm sad.

In short…he has been a source of limitless, unconditional, boundless and perfect love and devotion. How am I supposed to do life without him?

Maybe you’re wondering: Does all of this really belong on a dating blog?

Maybe not. But this challenge is about life. My pup has been a huge part of my life. And I feel as though I’d be remiss to not share with you this major life event that has been such a burden on my heart and my soul.

Besides, there’s a tie to relationships here, I promise…

Ever since I brought home the furry little squirming bundle of energy, I’ve known this day would eventually come. After my divorce, in the back of my mind was the thought: “How am I ever going to be able to go through something so hard on my own.” I thought that I would need a man by my side at that point so that I wouldn’t have to deal with it on my own…so that I could have someone to comfort me.

Well…the hard day finally arrived. And uh oh…I’m NOT in a relationship. There is no man. What now?

Surprise, surprise…apparently this idea of needing a man to survive such a trauma is overrated.

I have been so incredibly lucky, thankful & blessed that despite the fact that I’m single, I haven’t actually had to deal with this on my own at all. I’ve had comfort. I’ve had support. I’ve had love. I’ve had friends from far and near, crying with me, listening to me, praying for me, sympathizing and empathising with me, making sure I’m okay and offering to help out in any way they can…in short, loving me.

In addition, because I’m single, I was able to make the right choice for my pup, completely on my own, uninfluenced by anyone else’s opinion. I didn’t have to take into account or stress over anyone else’s emotions or thoughts but my own. And in the end, I didn’t resent anyone for pressuring me to make that decision any sooner or any later than I needed to.

Looking forward though, it’s incredibly sad to me that when I finally find my “Mr. Forever”, he will never get the chance to know the first dog to truly steal my heart.

I’m pretty sure that there will be another furry friend in my future...but not for a while. I can’t even imagine trying to fill my beloved pup’s spot right now. But ultimately, in my heart, I know that I am a dog person. I can't imagine that a dog-less life could be as full or as worthwhile as one with canine companionship.

Dogs give such unconditional love, such devotion. They help you remember to appreciate the simple things in life and fill it with such fun, laughter and joy. When I look back over the past 12 years, my pup has been the only constant male presence in my daily life. He's been there for me, loving me day in and day out, despite all of my faults, throughout my entire adult life.

Tell me…how could any man hope to measure up to that?

S: Diagnosis - Lovesick

Tonight I am being prevented from seeing my Guy so I can stay home and focus and get some work done. And maybe even some sleep for once.

But all I can do is think about him and wish I were going to see him.

Oh yeah, I got it bad.

I'd go see if there was something a doctor could prescribe, but I kinda like it. A lot.

Perma-smile.

E: Mr. March and then some

What a weekend. So I had my date with Mr. March last night. We met at a local itialian restaurant at 6:30 p.m. because he had to run a half marathon this morning and needed to carb-load. In addition, with us springing forward, he would have to be up really early, thus the 6:30 p.m. date - us and all the old people.

This was a blind date - a friend's neighbors brother. We became facebook friends before the date, so I could see what he looked like. His profile picture was one of Buckwheat. His album consisted of 2 photos - one of him with his high school class (no help whatsoever) and one of him with some girl all dressed up. So I meet him out at the restaurant a little unsure of what he looked like. Fortunately I was able to spot him right away. After all, most of the other people had gray hair! HA. Alas, it is snowbird season in my sunny coastal town.

Anyway, this guy was adorable, outgoing and funny. We had what I thought was great conversation. Light hearted, a lot of laughs. Even had the waiter going for a bit there. He was very interested in getting to know about me. Didn't talk a lot about himself or brag or anything. But when the check arrived he promptly said, "well, i'd better get home - gotta get up early in the morning with the time change and all." It was 8:30. Ok guy, I hear you loud and clear. And thanks to Greg Behrendt, author of "He's Just Not that Into You," I didn't spend my Sunday wondering if the phone would ring. It's just that simple.

I wasn't too heartbroken, but I wasn't through with the evening. The night was young! So I called February Fellow #4, the guy whom I had a fun-filled 6 hour date with two weeks prior. I really like this guy, but I haven't figured out if we have a romantic connection, yet. But he is such a gentlemen and calls me princess and I just eat that up. Anyway, we have been keeping in touch and he has asked me out since, but I was never available. In fact, he had called on Friday to ask me out for Saturday, and I had to tell him no, I already had plans. So when I called him at 9 pm to see if he was still available, he jumped in the car and picked me up. We picked up another friend of mine and went out on the town. Did I mention it is spring break in my coastal town? Well, we decided to act like spring breakers. It was a blast, until the room started spinning. I don't remember the last time I drank that much. Anyway, my crew decided it was time to get me home. He dropped my friend off at her house, then took me to mine. Walked me to my door, and I promptly started losing my cookies....5 times.....all over my boots and I'm sure his shoes. MORTIFYING!! So he walks me inside and now I have puke in my hair and I am bound and determined to take a shower. I stomp off to the bathroom, pleading with him to please clean my boots! By the time I was out of the shower he had already found my broom and bucket and had cleaned up the mess outside my front door. What a sweetheart.

I woke up this morning and felt like a truck hit me. And I remembered the night before and felt humiliated. This was no way to act on a second date. This is no way to act, period. And I am NOT on spring break, nor am I anywhere close to being school age. So I send him a text telling him how very sorry I was, blah blah blah. No answer. I can't say I blame the guy. But he called me this evening and again, I apologized all over myself. He laughed and said the sex made up for everything. Double HA! (I still haven't even kissed him yet.)

Lesson learned though, it's a good thing he was a gentleman because I could have put myself into a scary situation. Must be more careful. And give up acting like a spring breaker.

S: Mr. February Earns a Name

Well, Dateketeers, it’s official, I have gone rogue. I am completely off the Date Club Challenge radar and am going against all my spinsterly beliefs.

You will now be witness to me jumping in with Mr. Saint Eligible Bachelor February feet first and not looking back. Oh, this is going to get messy. But what a fun ride it will be. And totally worth the jarring halt at the end.

He really floats my boat. Rings my bell. Bags my groceries. And irons my shirts. (Actually, he literally did that…see? I’m not lying. He’s fantastic.)

First things first…

After spending much time together over the last few weeks and realizing we have an undeniable connection and need to be with each other for as long as we can stand it, EB and I have embarked on whatever one would call a “we aren’t seeing other people” journey.

We’re both careful with each other and gun shy, so I’m not sure we are using the terms “boyfriend” and “girlfriend.” Yet. But really, when I tell people about him, he’s my fabulous new SUPER HOT boyfriend. So it seems as though I am comfortable with the use of the word in reference to him. Which is new for me. And completely unexpected, to say the least.

But it makes total sense because DAY-YUM is he the most amazing thing ever.

Ooops…digressed. And daydreamed a little bit for a moment.

Back to you and my point…

I steeled myself for the worst the other night and brought up the small matter of the Challenge and this blog (yes, a clear violation of Date Club Rule #1). He was not the least bit disturbed by any of it. I had feared that he would feel somehow played or set up, but he didn’t see it that way at all. Truth be told, he was interested in me when we met, so I didn’t have to pursue him or work an angle to get a date. We met, we clicked, it was sanctioned. Who cares?

Hurdle 1, cleared. Now for Hurdle 2.

I made it clear to him that while I did not want to continue to see other people (because it’s not like I’m going to find someone better), I did want to continue to write about my experience with him as part of the story of the Challenge as a whole. What I needed from him was his permission to write about what is essentially 50% his personal life.

And wouldn’t you know it, Mr. Incredible Edible Bachelor was perfectly and enthusiastically fine with it. He even followed up his agreement by saying that he wouldn’t read it so I would be free to write whatever I wanted without feeling like he was going to see it and take issue. I assured him that, at this point, he’s looking pretty good to the world. To which he replied that he would have to try harder to mess up and give me stuff to write about.

See what I mean with the cuteness?

On some level, I think he was just so relieved that I wasn’t asking him to let me keep dating, he didn’t care what I wanted beyond that. But he seems to like idea of what we’re doing and he constantly encourages me to remain myself, so supportive he will be.

Melt.

And so, his generous agreement means initiating him into the outer circle of the Date Club. Since he will be a regular subject of my posts AND he is no longer on the market, Eligible Bachelor has earned the right to a code name. But, being in the outer circle, he will not get to know the identities of the other Date Club members or even where to find the blog.

Without further adieu, please allow me to introduce you to Guy.

Guy is so worth denying my spinsterhood for a while. He’s caring and thoughtful. He’s a great listener. He doesn’t judge. He’s attentive to my needs. He’s a great father. He’s fun. He thinks I’m funny. He thinks I’m hot. He’s sensitive. He’s mature. He’s secure. He’s ripped. And he digs me way more than anyone should.

Mainly, he makes me happy. And I seem to be returning the favor, from what he says. So we’re going to keep trying to do that for each other for as long as possible. (Which is hopefully at least until this summer because he promised to take me to see Jimmy Buffet.)

Ok, I’ll stop gushing…eventually...but for now, I’m going to enjoy the glow of what I’ve stumbled on completely by accident. It’s like I walked through a date wardrobe and found relationship Narnia. And I’m hoping it’s a very long time before the shine wears off. I can see some of our challenges down the road, like our busy schedules, our control issues and the big one: religion, but right now we are learning how to deal with each other so we can handle what comes at us when the time is right.

And, up to this point, I like the way he deals with me. He makes me talk when normally I would just keep things in. He calls me on my stuff and doesn’t get defensive when I call him on his. Our discussions are constructive and never get accusatory or mean. And then we laugh. A lot. He doesn’t want to change me, which is good because I don’t want to change him either. So far it’s just click click click click click. We work.

Me likey.

Oh Date of the Month Club Challenge, look what you have done to me. I am this close to conversion. I am almost a believer.

Will the real Sheila please stand up?

E: Mr. March is on the calendar

Here I sit, already 9 days into March, and have not had one date yet. In the wake of February's men, one might assume I have lost my mojo. Quite the contrary - I was just taking a much needed break. Also, my allergies have been acting up, and it is just not sexy to produce snot on a date. If, however, there is a little raspiness left in my voice, that would be acceptable, even maybe a little seductive? :)

So I just got off the phone with what will be my Mr. March. It was a great 1 1/2 hour phone conversation, by the way! He has a good sense of humor and is quick-witted, one of the qualities I adore in a man. Also, remember that I like to get to know someone over the phone a little before going on a date. (Case in point - February Fellow #3). This is a blind date - a set up, from one of my friends whom I just reconnected with at a baby shower. You know those events.... "Oh hi, I haven't seen you in, like, forever. Oh really, you're still single?? Well, I have a neighbor whose brother just moved back into town..." Ok then, giddyup.

So my friend's neighbors' brother called me tonight and we will be going out this Saturday night! I'm thrilled that he will have the title of Mr. March. Given what has recently happened to Sheila, I have begun to believe in this quest and realize that one of my "Mr. Months" could be really special! Of all of the guys I've corresponded with lately, he is the one who most piques my interest. So it would be cool if we do hit if off, that I could refer to him as Mr. March (like Sheila still gushes about Mr. February), instead of calling him Fellow #5 or Suitor #8 (like Jane's poor dude). These men who hold the Mr. titles don't know how special they are. There can only be one of them per month. The others will simply be referred to in a lesser fashion. Just sharing my observations...

Anyway, there is another guy from Match.com who wants to know when I'm free this weekend for, and I quote, "a drink/dinner/walk (okay anything)". That's kind of cute. Maybe I will be free for all 3, mister Fellow #2.

J: Dinner with Mr. March

Exactly a month after my speed dating experience, I finally got my 2nd date with Suitor #4. Luckily for me, it just happens to fall within a new month which means that and luckily for him, he now gets the official title of Mr. March!

We met for dinner at a little hole in the wall Italian spot. The hostess sat us at what might be the very most awkward first date table possible. It was one of those “C” shaped tables. He got the short section and I got the middle super long one and was left with the awkward “how-close-do-I-sit” decision. What will it say if I sit too close? What does it say if I sat too far away? What the heck is too close? I made my best guess and settled in.

It turned out that we had a lot to talk about. He’d done the speed dating thing several times and had lots of great stories about his other experiences. We both work for large companies and so there was a great discussion about our separate corporate cultures. And we talked about his recent surgery, which was fascinating to me. We basically never really ran out of stuff to talk about. There was never an awkward silence, never a moment of “oh crap….what can we talk about next”. Nice...very nice and oh so refreshing…especially considering that our dinner ended up lasting for two and a half hours!

A girlfriend of mine asked me about the date the next day: Exactly how old is he? How long has he been divorced? How long has he lived in that fancy neighborhood? What’s his custody arrangement for his kids? Does he dance? Is he looking for a serious relationship? Etc, etc, etc. I couldn’t answer a single one of her questions…we just didn’t go any of those places in our discussions. And in my opinion, that’s perfectly acceptable for a first date.

All in all, I really had a good time. I sensed a bit of a spark and that’s more than I’ve felt for any of my other dates recently. I’m really curious to see if anything else will come of it.

As we were walking to our cars, he said “I had a really great time, we should do this again” and I said “Yes, let’s do!”

And this time, I meant it.

E: Catching My Breath

I had 4 (count 'em, one two three FOUR) dates in February! And it's the shortest month of the year. In fact, I had 3 dates in 5 days. This is insanity. I can't keep up. And mind you, my dates aren't usually short. One lasted for 6 hours. I must fill you in...

You already know about Mr. February, so let me start with Fellow #2. This is one of the men I met at a networking event, the ravishingly good looking one, I might add. This had to be one of the most bizarre, confusing dates to prepare for. You see, at the networking event Fellow #2 made it clear that he has a steady girlfriend. Although I felt intense attraction to him at the event, the flirting stopped once I heard that. So imagine my surprise when I received an email from him a week and a half later asking if I would be open to "catching up" sometime. What the heck does that mean? Does it mean catch up on business (even though our businesses don't have anything to offer each other), or does it mean just hang out, or, better yet, does it mean what I prefer it to mean: I broke up with my girlfriend and I am interested in you. My reply was, "Sure, here's my phone number, call or text me sometime." To which he replied, "Great, let's get on each other's calendars - what works for you?" What do you mean, what works for me? Are you thinking a platonic lunch, some drinks after work, perhaps a Saturday night date?? I was even more perplexed on how to answer that one, and had to call a few girlfriends (even Jane!) for advice. Jane, in her quick-witted dating frame of mind, said I should ask if he prefers business or casual Elle. Great idea! Cute, playful, and begs to be told how to define this date. I replied, "How about drinks on Wednesday night?" He said he was thinking more along the lines of lunch (darn, does that just mean friend?) but could make Wednesday night work too. Still confused, I opted for the Wednesday night and just met him out for drinks. He was just as I remembered him to be - devastatingly handsome - but within the first 5 minutes of conversation had referred to his girlfriend. (present tense). Wow - so this really WAS just a get together to "catch up." I didn't really expect that. Who does that?? And I wonder if his girlfriend knew? Anyway, once the oddness was aside, we sat and chatted for almost 3 hours over a couple drinks until the bar closed. He paid for my drinks, said we need to do this again sometime, and walked me out to my car. It was the weirdest "un-date" that I have ever had. The next morning he texted to tell me what a good time he had and that we will need to do it again soon. And he friend requested me on Facebook. I guess that's appropriate, since we are friends who like to catch up. HA

Moving on to Fellow #3, who was my first official Match.com date! I had reservations about this one from the get-go, but part of this challenge is to date outside of the realm of your "ideal", so I went ahead and accepted when Mr. Beer Distributor asked me out. My preference is white collar, but how has that worked for me? I was all about giving him a shot.

My first red flag was that the guy only likes to communicate via text. In fact, I didn't speak with him on the phone until the night before our date. I was beginning to wonder if he had some kind of speech impediment or something, because of the lack of phone convo. Anywho, I agreed to meet him at a local restaurant. He looked a lot like his pics, but seemed short. FYI - when a guy puts on his profile that he is 5'10", that really means 5'9", with shoes on. So in reality I towered over him with my 5'7" frame in my sexy 3 1/2" boots. We sat down to dinner and got ready to order a drink and get this, he ordered a pina colada! Now I understand that he delivers kegs all day and must be sick of beer, but puleeze order a manly drink on a first date! If it would have come with an umbrella I think I would have bolted.

But I forged on through the date. Already I could tell from the conversation this was going to be a long night. The convo was mediocre at best, and I just lost interest and basically stopped talking for the last 30 minutes. I was busy listening to him blab about anything and everything...even the fact that he hates doctors offices and one time had to have a cyst on his back drained and you should have smelled the awful smell - must have been rotten flesh... Ok, so I'm sitting there eating chicken listening to this guy talk about the rotten flesh smell coming out of a cyst on his back. Can it get anymore brutal?

Finally the check came, and the date was over. But the nightmare wasn't. He texted me the next morning, "So, how was your first Match date?" Bearing in mind that there are psychos and serial killers out there, I chose to be extremely nice, classy and professional. "I had a fun time. Thank you for dinner." To which I received an immediate response, "So, how about a second date. (insert wink characters here)." OK, I don't have the same qualms about rejecting a guy as Jane does. I dont' mess around, but I do it in a kind way. My reply was "I think you are a really nice guy, but I just didn't feel a spark. Good luck with your search - I think you are a nice person." To which the reply was, "Should have gone to Starbucks then. Word of advice, say that at dinner then pay your half of the bill. I'm really not interested in hearing what a nice person I am." WTF?? Can you get anymore juvenile? Apparently so.... My reply was, "I believe you were the one who mentioned dinner. And I take back everything I said about you being nice." To which the response was "Kiss my ass." Hmmm. You've just given me great blogging material, jackass.

Needless to say, my first Match.com date was less than desirable. But my second one was... Enter Fellow #4, one with whom I had been playfully bantering with by email for about a week. I of course had to fill him in on my woeful first date, to which he was mortified that anyone would text me such rudeness. He asked me out for the next evening, which was February 28th. I hesitated for a moment - could I put him off until March? Then I decided that was silly. It was Sunday night, I was free and he was free and it made sense to go out no matter what the calendar said.

Ours was the 6 hour date, on which I found myself laughing frequently. He is just such a funny guy, and quite intelligent, too. He has a southern accent (love that) and even brought treats for my dog. He's someone I definitely want to hang out with again. And I need to determine if there is a romantic connection there. He did not kiss me, and I am not sure. But I'm hoping to find out someday soon...although another date with Fellow #4 will not help in my quest to find Mr. March. I think Mr. March is in my Match.com email box somewhere. Better dust him off and set some plans. :)