J: Enough?

I’ve wondered what a ‘normal’ week would look like, with this fantastic Mr. September. And here we are...just at Tuesday and I’m thinking a ‘normal’ week just ain’t enough.

Maybe I was spoiled by being forced to steal all those limited moments between our trips.

Maybe I was spoiled by this last, glorious weekend when we spent every minute together.

Maybe I was spoiled by the speed that we’ve taken things thus far.

But, now the weekend is over. And, I didn’t get to see him last night. And, I don’t get to see him tonight either.

I guess that’s part of what I signed up for when I agreed to date a single father. I guess it’s also what I get for dating someone so successful who actually cares about his career. (Sooooo hot!)

Tonight, for him, is about a.) his kid (as it should be), b.) a 9:30 pm meeting with China and c.)preparation for tomorrow's extremely important meeting (that literally will determine the direction of his career).


How can I possibly compete with that?

Tonight was ‘tentative’ anyways and apparently, I’m “too much of a distraction” (wink, wink, nudge, nudge).

Okay, I get that.

And, I respect that.

But it doesn’t mean that I wouldn't rather be eating my pizza and drinking my wine with him.

I’m doing my best to remember that I have a life. A full life. I had this full life before him. I will have it after him.

I’m also doing my best not to start wondering if I’m more into this than he is.

But, he introduced me to his kid this weekend…and we got along famously. (They, apparently, even had a “yeah, she’s cool” conversation about me.) We had the “we’re ‘going steady’” conversation. We’ve talked beyond October (Christmas!!! We actually talked about CHRISTMAS!) He’s also told me that if I’m not looking towards long term, at any point, then I need to let him know and we should end it right then and move on. And he'd do the same.

I must be crazy to want more…to need more than all that. Right?


It’s my own insecurities. I know that.


It’s my own need to grab on and hold tight and strangle the life out of the relationship.


It’s my own crazy.

Soooo, I’m giving space. I’m sitting on my own couch with my own pizza and my own glass of wine and not calling, not texting, blogging out all of my frustration and fear to you.

Tomorrow night I will go to my dance classes as planned.


And maybe (just maybe) tomorrow we will find some time to catch up on how his big important meeting went.

Or maybe not.

And I’ll look forward to this weekend and the definite plans that we have then.And not expect more than that.

S: Mr. September...Meh

I have officially had my first date since Guy.

And it did nothing to help me. Although I did get a delicious, street-vended treat, provided graciously by Mr. September.

As planned, I met up with Mr. September after Saturday’s sporting event. I had done a little pre-event drinking and spent much of the game doing my best to sober up. I didn’t want to meet Mr. September in an altered state. And I had a long, late drive home ahead of me.

Unfortunately, I also spent most of the game missing Guy and wishing I were enjoying it with him. I didn’t think it would be so hard to be there and not be with him. I thought being there would be better than not being there. But I couldn’t help thinking the pre-game festivities would have been better with him and the game would have been better with him. Even the seats would have been better.

Mostly…I missed him. Sometimes I just want to Spotless Mind myself so this can all stop. It’s very difficult and rather unpleasant. And makes me feel like I’m imbalanced or insane or something.

Anyway, at the beginning of the game, I texted Guy a “go team!” type message, as a polite, friend-y thing to do because he knew I was there. Later, he responded in kind. And that was all. At the end of the game, our team had won so I sent a celebratory text. Again, trying to do the friend thing. I didn’t hear anything from him. Which was fine because I had a date to get to.

I was looking forward to meeting Mr. September. We had exchanged a few texts throughout the day and that had been good and fun. I even got an "LMAO" out of him at some point. And, amazingly, he somehow managed to make the weather clear up. Very impressive indeed.

The game was over and we began coordinating our meet-up efforts. He was on bike and I was in car. I knew I would have a lot of traffic to deal with so he would have to wait a while for me. A bit later, he called and said the place he thought we were going to wasn’t where he thought it was. Which was good because he had gone somewhere that was not where I thought we were going at all. And that could have been disastrous.

We got it all figured out and I continued to trek in the right direction. I finally got through traffic and found somewhere to park, although I bailed out early and parked several blocks away. I have very little patience for parking.

I approached our chosen vendor and eventually saw someone who seemed like it must be him. We did that awkward “is that you?” look and greet thing and figured out we were who we thought we were. And with my “here is the boundary” handshake, the meet-up began. We got in line and chatted and waited and chatted and waited. We made our orders (he ordered what I ordered because my order was confident and concise) and waited for our yummy snack.

I went to dig my cash out of my pocket and he immediately offered to pay. I argued once and then thanked him profusely. I never expected him to pay but was pleased that he played the gentleman.

And then snacks were served. So…delicious. I made lots of yummy sounds, which I had warned him would happen. He laughed because I hadn’t lied. The yummy sounds are uncontrollable.

We found a place to sit among the crowd and chatted some more. Conversation was o.k., but felt a little forced. Not as easy as it had been in message form. Very much “new acquaintance” stuff. We would go for a bit and then there would be an awkward lull.

It didn’t help that I was tired from the day.

He was very sweet and clearly found me amusing, but I didn’t feel any chemistry. There was no spark. And it seems like he was cuter in his picture. Not that the picture wasn’t the Mr. September who I met, but he was just different in person. I had conjured up someone different in my head.

I think he maybe felt some chemistry though. He touched me a couple of times. You know, the kind of quick, flirty touches that you can’t help when you are interested in someone. I did not feel the same desire to touch him. He felt very platonic to me. Good company, but nothing more than a friend.

We had finished our glorious food and it was obvious I was starting to get cold so he asked if I wanted to go to a coffee shop he knew would be open for another hour or so. I considered it (mostly out of politeness) but decided I should hit the road before I got too tired. He was very nice about this and said he shouldn’t tempt me with staying longer when he knows I have a long drive home and he would feel the same way if he was the one having to drive home.

Dammit. Nice guy…no spark.

So we decided to part ways. We got to his bike first, because it was pretty much parked right there. And he didn’t offer to walk me to my car, which he knew was parked several blocks away. This surprised me. But I had stopped keeping score because I knew I wasn’t interested. And I could make it to my car on my own.

He went for the post-date hug. I obliged because he had bought me such tasty food. And he’s a sweet guy. He should get a hug out of the deal.

On my way to the car, I received a text.

From Guy.

Responding to my celebratory text from a couple of hours before.

I was surprised. I had expected it to be from Mr. September. I rolled my eyes thinking, “Don’t be sending me messages already. I don’t like you that much, you can’t like me.”

But it wasn’t him.

It was the only person I was hoping to hear from. Of course.

The problem with this date was that it made me miss Guy even more. When I went out with Guy, there were sparks. We had an immediate connection. Even though I tried to keep him at a distance at first, I never wanted our time together to be over. We would have unscheduled dates between the dates and all our dates would last for hours and hours, well into the next morning. Even before the physical stuff started.

The fact that I had no chemistry with this guy only confirmed that what I had felt with Guy had been real and not some trick of the imagination. We did have something. Because if I could have conjured up something with Mr. September, I would have. I need something to give me a reason to move on. But there wasn’t anything there.

So now I missed Guy even more. And that meant of course I responded to his text. I asked if he was still in town because I wanted to stop and have a beer with him. He was not. He had already gotten home. We exchanged messages as I hit the interstate. (Thank goodness this is an anonymous blog. I know I shouldn’t do that, but it kept me awake. It’s a bad habit and I am trying very hard to break it.)

In the meantime, Mr. September tried to call. I accidentally answered it while typing a message to Guy and then hung up really fast. I didn’t want to talk to him. He sent a text saying it was a wake up call to make sure I hadn’t fallen asleep. I responded that I didn’t know what happened to the call or why it was dropped, but that my phone had a mind of it's own. I didn't mention about what an evil bitch I am. I did thank him for calling. Then we sent our good nights.

And I went back to Guy.

Because I’m dumb.

I let him know when I made it home and thanked him for helping to keep me awake. He said he was glad I made it safely. And I let it go at that. I wasn’t going to keep it up at that point. Even though I really missed him and wished for a reason to go to his place.

I stayed up a bit longer putzing around the house and then a while later, I got a “g’nite” from Guy out of the blue. He had been waiting for me to respond to the last message I guess.

I told him I had just climbed into bed and it was all cold. This triggered a conversation about cold beds and snuggling. Both of us wishing the other were with us, but not having the guts to say so. I kept hoping he would ask to come over, but he didn’t. And as much as I wanted to go to his place, I resisted. I have to stay away.

We kept it up until I fell asleep.

When I woke up this morning, I had missed a final message from him the night before, so I sent a message about not wanting to get out of bed because of the cold. He said something about being toasty which felt sort of off-putting to me. I responded that in bed was better than out. He did not answer.

I haven’t heard from him all day and I haven’t sent any more messages. I’m really trying not to reach out to him if I can avoid it. And I have been curious to see if he would reach out to me. He obviously missed me last night, so would he still miss me today?

Clearly not, because he hasn’t sent a word.

Mr. September, on the other hand, has. He asked if I would be interested in dinner this week. O.k., technically, not really, but he’s a nice guy and deserves a second date if he wants it. Unfortunately, this week is a really bad week for me, so I had to put him off until next week. He was o.k. with this. We have made early plans for a second date. This means that at some point I’m going to have to tell him I’m not interested. Oh boy. One of the very best parts of dating.

So we’ve taken it to the next level. Beyond online date site. We had already exchanged phone numbers and now we have each other’s email addresses. I haven’t been initiating communication with him, but I will respond when messaged to. Hmmm…a sign of me not being that into him.

Wait...so, if someone were not initiating conversations with me, but responding when I did the intiating, would that also be a not-so-into-me sign?

YES, SHEILA! USE YOUR FRIKKIN’ BRAIN!

My heart makes me dense.

But it wants what it wants. And it wants Guy.

Sorry, Mr. September. Maybe you can start a club with Mr. October and Mr. November and Mr. December. Because my guess is they won't do much better.

S: There's Only One Problem

Currently, my nose is home to the world's biggest zit. It's awful. My nose is actually swollen because of it.

The damn thing was issued its own zipcode by the Post Office this afternoon.

I have to buy an extra ticket for it at the movies.

I can now enjoy tea for two by myself.

And tomorrow I must meet Mr. September looking like something that belongs in a Tim Burton film.

What's a girl to do?!

Is it o.k. to cancel due to facial disfiguration?

No. It's not. It's ridiculous and vain.

One must look these things square in the eyes. Er...nose.

So I warned him. I actually told Mr. September I wouldn't be alone. That I had been growing a congenital twin that resembled a zit and had named it Xena the Warrior Zit. Then I mentioned I had tried to kill her, but she was a fighter and now I'm wearing a bandaid. And my nose is still swollen.

Why try to hide it? It's the elephant in the room...well, at least it's the size of the elephant in the room. Talk about it and move on.

His response was that he is sure I am still "fetching." How cute is that? He lies. Very sweet. If I find that he's staring at my nose too much, I'll just show him my boobs.

Kidding! They aren't that distracting...not being any bigger than the zit and all.

Oh well. At least Xena and I managed to get a date for September. How do ya' like them apples? Or rather, how do ya' them zits the size of apples?

I just hope he doesn't like her more than he likes me.

S: Mr. September

You will never believe it, but I actually did it. I got a date for September!

And I didn't even want one.

I'm still pretty hurt from the whole Guy thing and he and I are still on kind of a roller coaster, so I was just starting to feel like I didn't want to open myself up to anyone, even just a little. I'm in no condition to date. I know who I want to be with.

Enter cute artist type from OkCupid. The ONLY fellow of any interest I have run across there as of yet.

I discovered his profile early on and sent him a cute, flirty, witty, casual message. I found some hidden references in his profile description and used them in my message to show I totally smelled what he was stepping in.

And it worked. He responded. And he remained non-stupid and non-creepy and non-perverted and non-clingy in subsequent exchanges. His messages make me giggle, so I keep responding. Of course, it helps that, at least in his photo, he looks super cute in a hat.

This weekend there will be another sporting event that Guy and I would have attended together. Again, something I had been looking forward to ever since he tricked me into making future plans last spring. So, I did some legwork and made some plans to tailgate at this sporting event and maybe get a ticket with a buddy of mine. Good hang time with him AND no sitting at home wishing and hoping. And beer.

The deal is that Mr. September does not live in my fair city, but rather in a small town not too far away. And it just so happens that this small town is where the aforementioned sporting event will be taking place. "Convenient," she says slyly while tapping the tips of her fingers together.

So I just happened to mention in a message to Mr. September a couple of days ago that I would be in his town on Saturday. Hoping he would now smell what *I* was stepping in and suggest a meeting. It's just so much more fun to get the guys to ask you out while making them think it was totally their idea. You have to be a little creative, but it's a fun game.

Anyway, it took a couple of messages, but the other night, he finally suggested that we meet if I was going to be in his neck of the woods.

I will fully admit that when I read his message, I freaked out a little. Here he was doing exactly as I intended and suggesting a meet up so I can get in my September date, and I didn't want to accept.

I didn't want to go.

I was frozen. I didn't know what to do. Going out with someone else means giving up on Guy. I don't want someone else to ask me out, I want Guy to ask me out. If I date someone else, it means I've lost all hope for Guy and am destroying any chance I have with him.

HEY SHEILA...SNAP OUT OF IT!

Dude, it's over. There is no hope. Guy's a dumbass. He has no nads. He's not going to get past that.

MOVE

ON

I will also admit that these are not things I could think until I had a little Facebook chat with our fair Jane who typed GO! about a thousand times. She's such a good pal. I do hope I can get over my crap and let her gush to me over the phone soon. I'm getting there. She's being very patient with me.

Anyway, she was totally right and I knew it. I wrote him back and said his idea was a welcome one, let's make it so.

His response: "Excellent!"

Wow. Very enthusiastic. Perhaps he's more interested than I thought he was.

I was still feeling reticent about the whole thing because I've been missing Guy a lot this week. Giving up still feels wrong, but I have my sanity to regain. I have to get on board with meeting someone new. Even if I have no intention of getting involved.

Which I don't. I know better. I knew better before. I could kick myself for being the fool. No more stupid. Just a few more dates to finish out the year and then back to spinsting.

Anyway, what I've found is that the more we discuss our plans for meeting...the more we try to make it work out even though it's kind of a logistical nightmare...

(To make this work, I had to beg my buddy, who is riding to this other town with me, to find a different way home so I could stay and meet some strange internet guy. He totally understood. You can't beat good friends who get it. And he's one of the best.)

...the more I look forward to it. Over the last day and a half, just the coordinating of the thing has provided a nice build-up and an undercurrent of first date excitement.

Plus, somebody new to use the same old jokes on. Sweet!

So, the plan is that we will meet up after the sporting event at a predetermined street vendor who makes a delicious food that I happen to love and never get to have because I'm never in this particular town. I'm no dummy. Make the date somewhere where at least the food is good so if the company isn't, it isn't a total loss.

I do hope the company is as good as the food. And I have a feeling it will be.

There you go. That's it. Mr. September. He makes me giggle. And thinks I'm funny.

And he's not Guy.

Sheila Barnes...back in the game.

Go get 'em, slugger!

J: Twelfth Date

The other day I had dinner with the married friend who originally helped me dream up this little experiment.

Of course, I was gushing about my fabulous Mr. September. She was very patiently listening, like a very good friend. (Not only can I not get enough of this guy...apparently, I can’t talk about him enough either.)

Annnnd then….she reminded me of the fact that this all started for me, unofficially, with my first date last November.

Annnnd then….she reminded me of the fact that I actually had gone out with TWO guys in February.

Which means…when you do the math…that Mr. September is actually also Mr. Date-Number-Twelve.

[goosebumps]

I set out on this challenge to go on 12 dates in a year. And I did it!

And how great is it that I just happened to find such a completely great twelfth guy?

Was I able to find him because I got so much practice at this dating stuff? Was it because I figured out how to be more comfortable outside of my comfort zone? Was it because all those so-so dates made me truly appreciate the connection that I’m now finding with Mr. September?

Life is sometimes strange.

During dinner, my friend also reminded me that from the beginning she had predicted that I’d probably have to wait for until the very end (and yes…a year ago, she specifically said “September”) before finally finding someone who would be able to steal my heart.

And look at that...she just might have been right.

J: Missing

He’s not in my city. He’s not in my state. He’s not in my part of the country. He’s not even in my time zone!

It’s just been two weeks since our very first phone conversation and he's only been gone 3 days and still, I MISS HIM!

The realist in me says that this idyllic rainbows-and-glitter, constant-goofy-grin, can’t-get-enough-of-each-other, perfect, glorious time in our relationship has to end sometime.

The dreamer in me wants (and hopes) for this wonderful-ness to last forever.

The horn-dog in me just wants him home!

Yes, I know that it’s probably the very best possible thing that I just happened to have a work trip last week and then he just happened to have his work trip this week. It forces us to slow down, afterall. But I gotta say…it SUCKS!

It’s distance. And in a very short time, I’ve learned that I like it better when he’s around.

Thank God for technology. Thank God for email and texting and good cell phone coverage. I can’t imagine the old days when I would have had to wait for a letter to get to me, days later. We've spoken or texted every day and still, I want more.

I have to keep reminding myself that just two short weeks ago, I managed just FINE without even really knowing this guy existed. I was busy, I was happy, and I sure wasn't checking my phone every two minutes.

I have things to do. My calendar is full. Work is bananas. And yet, I keep having flashbacks of last weekend. I keep finding myself off in la-la-land without a paddle.

But I also wonder...how different will things be when we aren't dreading having to deal with forced time apart? What will a 'normal' day, or a 'normal' week look like? Was some of this rushing due to the very fact that we knew that we wouldn't be able to spend time together?

Possibly.

Probably.

Still...it’s been a rollercoaster and I hate these brakes that have been applied just when we started getting rolling.

J: Dear Mr. October: Beat it!

I just kissed Mr. September good morning and goodbye. He’s on the way to the airport right now and will be gone for an entire week.

Yes people, I JUST said goodbye. (And yes, it really is this early in the morning.)

I’ve said it before…I’ll say it again…this guy is amazing!

My return home from my own business trip was delayed due to weather so I didn’t actually make it back into town until around noon on Friday…a day later than expected. When we landed, waiting for me was a text from him, asking if I had made it home safely. I texted back letting him know that the plane had just landed and asking him if he was available for lunch…which he was….so, travel weary and exhausted, I met him for lunch (it was, afterall, on the way home…ish). He had a meeting right after lunch and I had to get home to catch up on my own email and was dying for a nap so while it wasn’t a long lunch, it was still great to see him & good to catch up.

That same night, I had my standing monthly Pinochle plans, but also made plans to meet up with a friend for drinks first. When Mr. September called to see if I was feeling any better after a nap, and with the encouragement of my friend, I invited him to join us.

Yes, that’s right…I subjected him to the first meet-the-friend test! And while their time only overlapped for 15 minutes or so…he passed the test, she passed the test, they both got along splendidly and I considered the second date of the day with my Mr. September a huge success.

We had made tentative plans for Saturday but needed to line up the where & when so he asked me to call him after I was done with my evening-no matter how late. So, happily, I did. And despite the fact that I had been exhausted just 5 minutes earlier…despite the fact that I was hours and hours short on sleep…despite the fact that I had already seen him TWICE that day, I ended up agreeing to meet him for a moonlight walk.

Our conversation on that walk was amazing. We talked about his child and their relationship and his perspective regarding dating as a single father. We talked about our families and our divorces. We talked about own individual faith journeys. We talked about dating in general, and most importantly, we talked about the fact that neither of us really has any desire to date anyone else. (Yippeee!!!)

With our third date of the day being such a success, he somehow was able to talk me into spending the night. (It was amazing, by the way…but that’s another post for another day!)

Our Saturday together was super easy & casual with no firm plans…just chilling out, watching a movie, shopping for a Kindle for his trip, watching him pack, grilling out on his back porch, and lots and lots of snuggling. Around 10pm, when I was starting getting ready to leave (he needed enough sleep to be able to get up at the butt-crack of dawn for today’s early morning flight) he asked me to stay another night…which I did. How could I resist? He was just so dern cute! And I was just so dern tired. And he was going to be gone for a whole week!!!

So…here we are. And, I probably know what you’re thinking. I’m thinking it too. If I were to guess, I would say that he’s thinking it as well: we’re moving this along very very quickly. The running joke of the weekend was: “How long have I known you again?” But neither one of us wants it to stop.

The thing is…we’re just so amazingly compatible. We’re so comfortable. We’ve talked about relationships and religion and politics and pet peeves and careers and families and favorite ice cream. He thinks I’m sexy, just as I am…and somehow, he makes me believe it too. I think he’s absolutely amazing and I love the way his mind works. He’s told me several times that he doesn’t understand why I’m still single. I feel the exact same way about him.

I am so so happy I gave in and finally joined an online dating site and I am so so happy that he was the one to find me in the middle of all of that craziness. How did I get this lucky?

And, in the midst of all of our other conversation thoroughout the weekend, I also told him about this dating experiment. His response was to ask me not to find a Mr. October. :)

We haven’t talked about November or December. And that’s okay. I don’t want to go there yet. As much as we’ve rushed the beginning, I don’t want to start projecting into the future and end up with broken dreams. I figure, a month is entirely reasonable (and hopefully safe) amount of “look-forward” time.

So, for right now, this very minute, I just want this week to fly by. I need to have him back within kissing range.